The Living with Limerence site has grown steadily over the last five years, and we’re now at a point where it’s hard to keep track of all the content. I find myself frequently responding to comments with links, and starting to think about post topics but then realising I’ve covered the idea before.
To impose some order on this back catalogue, I thought it would be useful to gather together some of the key posts (and random thoughts) for the recurrent themes around limerence. There’s undeniable charm in wandering the stacks of an old book shop or library, browsing for overlooked oddities, but sometimes an index is useful.
Here, then, are some of the LwL greatest hits…
1. What is limerence?
An obvious starting point. What is it? Who invented/discovered it? What’s the best way of understanding it? And how good is the evidence base?
2. What’s going on in our heads?
I’m a neuroscientist, and so my understanding of limerence stems from interpreting the symptoms of limerence in terms of the neural systems that give rise to them.
3. Coping with the negative aspects of limerence
In the depths of person addiction, we have to deal with a depressingly wide range of challenging emotions. Here are some of the commonest.
4. The moral perspective
Limerents often feel guilty about their obsession. There are many reasons why, but also a contrary view that argues for emancipation from guilt and embracing the bliss. The philosophical argument rages, but in the meantime, here’s some practical advice on how to cope.
5. All about limerent objects
Self awareness is the major battle for recovery, but it also helps to understand what it is about Them that sends you so doolally.
6. Mastering limerence
The way to triumph is to integrate limerence into your sense of self in a healthy way. It’s part of who you are, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it control you. Here are some practical ways to take back control.
Finally, there are, of course, many other resources available.
7. Miscellany
As a last section, here are some of my favourite posts, picked for silliness, oddness, or random insights. Enjoy!
Five years worth of material, but I’m not done yet. As ever, please feel free to suggest topic ideas in the comments, or ask for personal advice as a Case study (via the Ask Dr L form at the bottom of the home page).
If we keep digging, we’ll keep uncovering riches.
What an amazing and valuable body of work Dr L! 5 years incredibly well spent. I’m sure all your readers would love you to carry on!
This library is a grand gift to the world! I know that through this repository of reality countless lives have been comforted and empowered to make sense of their feelings and break free from the limerence chains shackling them. Thank you so much!!
“This library is a grand gift to the world!”
Ditto. I second your sentiments here, Jaideux. 😛
Thanks both! It’s a bit of a shock sometimes to look back and realise how much the site has grown. But good motivation to keep going…
Song of the Blog: “Don’t Get Me Wrong” – The Pretenders (1986)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNPb3pt4gnM
“Don’t get me wrong
If I fall in the ‘mode of passion’
It might be unbelievable
But let’s not say so long
It might just be fantastic
Don’t get me wrong”
To me, this was what limerence was all about. The early exciting, anticipating phase of the LE when it held nothing but promise. You didn’t know what to expect but you couldn’t wait to find out. Just like the song says.
When it comes to rock babes of the 80s, Chrissie Hynde is right up there.
DrL,
There are a couple of other groupings if you ever do a Part II to this topic, Post Limerence, a collection of case studies, limerence horror stories.
Keep up the great work!
Congratulations on your blog, DR.L. It must feel kind of amazing to look back on five years of work. And I love how the blog touches on so many topics, everything from beauty to jealousy to twin flame spirituality to narcissistic LOs.
I suppose limerence has been around since time immemorial. But how limerence intersects with people in a particular time and culture is fascinating. For example, in Tennov’s day, there was no social media. And people probably had slightly different reference points when discussing romantic love. (Different hit movies maybe?)
I like how you delve deep into the emotional side of things. Some of us have a hard time making sense of our emotions, so it’s great to have a little help along the way. Also, I like how you’ve addressed why certain LOs might be inconsistent. Tennov doesn’t really talk about why some people behave inconsistently…
A really wonderful resource, all in all. Thank you! 🙂
Thanks again & you had answers for everything! Priceless posts!!
Finally got untangled out of my head / limerence.
I do believe there’s freedom & at one point I thought it would never end.. https://youtu.be/FIXIsYWS8CA