I've lamented before about the lack of research specifically aimed at understanding limerence as a psychological phenomenon. The LwL Guide to Limerence summarises the evidence base for interested …
Why is limerence so addictive?
I recently received an email from a reader with a familiar problem. During therapy, she had discussed how limerence was disrupting her life, and received the following advice from her …
On beauty
On holiday this week, so today's post is a repost from the olden days of the site (2017). I'm still fascinated by the neuroscience of beauty, and why our LOs become so dazzling during limerence. The …
Case study: I’m unhappy in my relationship. Should I keep trying?
One of the consequences of unwanted limerence is that it forces you to face some important problems. Counterintuitively, limerence often erupts when life has been coasting along pretty well - but the …
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Is your limerent object a narcissist?
One of the recurrent themes that comes up when trying to make sense of a difficult limerent object, is the concept of narcissism. It's quite satisfying if you've been ensnared by a self-centered …
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Coffeehouse: transferring limerence
Today's topic of discussion is proposed by Cassie: You wrote about transfer to other relationships in a previous blog. After months and months of thinking what to do, I have just ended one …
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Case study: when No Contact doesn’t work
Today's case study is a good one. Serena got in touch about how to deal with a tough problem: when no contact doesn't work. The backstory is a little complicated, so I'll summarise the highlights. …
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What does limerence mean for a marriage?
One of the most destructive forms of limerence is when a married person becomes limerent for someone else. There is an abundance of pain to go around: most obviously for the innocent spouse, but also …
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The psychology of wanting unavailable people
One of the more painful scenarios that limerents have to deal with is when their limerence avatar is "unavailable people". I've written before about the challenges of unavailable LOs. It's a …
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Coffeehouse: should you write a letter to LO?
Today's topic was proposed by reader Mana, who wondered about the benefits of writing a letter to LO. That struck me as a subject that could benefit from the distributed wisdom of the LwL community, …
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Can you be friends with your crush?
It is an agony most of us have known: you develop romantic feelings for a friend, but they don't feel the same way about you. The disappointment of rejection hurts, of course, but even more serious is …
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Finding purpose through ikigai
Unwanted limerence often flares up when we are discontented with life. Not always, of course, and plenty of contented and empowered people can find their romantic lives turned upside down by a …