Thanks, Jaideux. I’ve actually been spending a lot of time thinking about what I’m trying to achieve with the YouTube channel. On the blog I’ve always just gone with my mood, basically. Feels like chatting to friends. But, for the channel I’ve been trying to really cut the fluff and deliver the material in a clear and concise way. Hopefully it’s working.
I must be completely nuts. Hardly anything in the video applies to me.
#6, “aura of mystery” is totally spot-on. I was dazzled by LO. Such an unusual person with an amazing house and a fascinating life. But, being gay, he has never flirted with me or given me any reason to believe he was interested in me.
I can’t quite figure out how I created such a giant LE out of just that one thing.
It might be a fun for you to look at things from the other side. Let me help you…
When I was in high school, a young (conspicuously heterosexual) woman acted as if she was limerent for me. I, a gay male, always wondered what the appeal was for her and why she didn’t just go for one of the boys she knew better.
I think this particular young woman liked me for:
(1) My looks. (Sadly, none of us have much say over what we inherit due to genetics).
(2) The fact she believed (incorrectly) that I liked her. (I initiated a conversation with her once, and perhaps she never quite recovered from the thrill. But I doubt it. For me, it was just a pleasant conversation. Nothing profound was said).
(3) I was and/or seemed to be a really good listener. (Maybe nobody had ever listened to her before? She liked a boy seemingly focusing his whole attention on her?)
I think maybe, from my subtle body language too, she may have thought I was attracted to her physically, and that my body was giving that away. But body language can be highly misleading. People’s bodies may signal interest where none exists. For example, I may have exhibited shining eyes and high energy while talking with the girl. But, to me, that didn’t mean I was attracted to her. I was just very engaged in whatever we were talking about. I mean, I’m not MJ. I don’t engage in staring contests with strange members of the opposite sex! 😆
Actually, come to think of it, I think this girl did look at me a lot after our initial conversation. However, I just dismissed all her looks, because they simply meant nothing to me. Mentally, I was in another world most of the time.
The girl was basically trying to flirt with a guy who was scarcely aware of her existence. My brain literally never registered: “attractive female incoming”. I assume straight men have some kind of warning system go off in their brains when an attractive female approaches. In my brain, that system is turned off. 🙂
Yeah, that’s a great example, Sammy. I’ve also had a similar experience where I was really hyped about something going on in my life, and was much more upbeat and exuberant in conversation with a younger woman I only knew a little.
For a while afterwards I got a sense that she thought I was interested in her, when in fact I had just been high on life.
Honestly, people tend to look gorgeous when they’re high on life. Maybe that’s what some of us have a lack of in our lives: folks displaying passion openly!
Anyhow – this whole part of the thread felt like a splash of freezing water on my face! Not pleasant, but needed.
AlxDsays
It’s clear how deep-seated these patterns are in me when just reading (most of) the list is kind of hot. Urgh!
Gotta recognize that for me this is an addiction I really need to be careful of for the rest of my life!
For me it was all eye contact. When LO caught my stare, she smiled at me. I thought it was interest. Glimmer was off the charts.. Then there were the moments of locking eyes with each other, which then drove up more uncertainty. She embodied physically, every right and good thing I find attractive in the opposite sex and then fired fast on every one of those cylinders..
It was unlike anything I ever felt before.
WRT my LE with LO #4, it was #3, #5, #7, & #9. I got her attention with #5, she got mine with #9. The others followed along with those two. Events in my life made a fertile environment for those to take hold. In my case, LO #4 provided me an opportunity to go down the rabbit hole and I took it.
DrL, I am mortally offended at your exclusion of redheads! 🙂
I don’t think you lost control of the special romantic snowflake/snow water metaphor. As a matter of fact, I rather enjoyed it. 🙂
Since rumour has it you’re everyone’s favourite urologist on YouTube, a rumour that I myself may have started, (a thousand apologies), it’s only inevitable that the topic of fluid retention would eventually come up… 🤣
When I was deep in limerence, I was definitely the most special little snowflake who ever snowflaked. I would have been appalled if someone suggested I was made of the exact same everyday snow water as the rest of the other little snowflakes. In fact, that was probably a major impediment to recovery – not being able to admit that my limerence was similar-ish to other people’s limerences.
Yes, yes, for sure, I would have been outraged if anyone questioned my snowflakiness. I was the original special snowflake, you see. I was a special snowflake before an entire generation (the generation younger than yours) embraced the concept of snowflakehood and adopted it as a badge of honour.
But there’s great comfort in knowing that limerence feels the same for everyone, regardless of personal factors, and unfolds along the same lines.
Such insight should certainly go a long way toward dispelling the notion (for disenchanted heterosexuals, for instance) that “men are the enemy” or “women are the enemy”, etc, etc. In other words, we’re all united by our common humanity, our common joys, our common sorrows. No one’s too special to be beyond help. No one’s truly incapable of being understood (although most people living with limerence do temporarily feel deeply misunderstood by others). 😜
Someone on your “Don’t Fight It” video left you the following comment: “Shut up you dont know nothing of my pain.” The comment is just a tad rude, but I suspect it does capture how almost every person feels when they find themselves in the dependency stage of limerence i.e. I feel a level of pain (constant or near-constant) that other people just can’t comprehend.
I guess it’s a part of the limerence psychology – the intensity of the loss validates the majesty of the love, so they both have to be unfathomable to others.
I had another thought. Isn’t it nice for those of us with memories to see Jaideux and Limerent Emeritus pop up in the comments section? Just like old times! 🙂
Oh my! My LO seemed to have ticked all the boxes except no. 10.
It’s kinda comforting that what I’m experiencing is really common. It’s also sobering.
Brought to mind that during my disclosure, I said one of the things that drew me to him was his intense and passionate gaze towards me. His response was simply, “I didn’t know how I had looked.”
This clip was a splash of cold (snow?) water that it was ALL in my mind. I was overthinking and had attached too much meaning to what his gaze meant.
Gaze/eye contact has been such a confusing one for many of us on here. My LO has ultra-strong eye contact that I really used to misinterpret. Once less limerent, I could see that she holds very strong eye contact *with everyone*. She also doesn’t really listen to people unless she’s making eye contact! The lim-brain just doesn’t bother to go looking for that sort of extra data …
LaR,
It is so true how we wanna see what we wanna see.
My brain was trying to justify that the way LO had looked at me was unique… even when there were a couple of occasions I had seen the same intensity when he was conversing with some other people (mostly a lady).
“It’s kinda comforting that what I’m experiencing is really common. It’s also sobering.”
Very well put. It helps me get over myself – but at the same time, the vividness of my imagination… the strength of the copium I am apparently on sometimes… is terrifying. I have myself almost feeling the presences of idealized versions of these people, as if they are keeping me company in some tangible way. Despite having real folks in my life who truly care about me and knowing logically that it’s all nonsense. I mean, yikes!
I can understand how you feel. It’s almost like I’m there but not there. I could be sipping a drink on a lovely beach with my SO beside me but my mind is thinking, “Oh! LO would enjoy this!” And I would whip out my phone, snap a pic and send to LO. Thereafter, my mind would be so occupied with LO and his responses that I couldn’t even enjoy that lovely moment! (Well, of course at that point in time, I wouldn’t have acknowledged it cause my emotions are running high and I wouldn’t have been just sucked into it.)
How limerence is such a time-stealer and if I may add youth-stealer! I felt I’d wasted my time and it could never be returned back.
Wonderfully clear and logical tutorial! Knowledge is power…
Thanks, Jaideux. I’ve actually been spending a lot of time thinking about what I’m trying to achieve with the YouTube channel. On the blog I’ve always just gone with my mood, basically. Feels like chatting to friends. But, for the channel I’ve been trying to really cut the fluff and deliver the material in a clear and concise way. Hopefully it’s working.
I must be completely nuts. Hardly anything in the video applies to me.
#6, “aura of mystery” is totally spot-on. I was dazzled by LO. Such an unusual person with an amazing house and a fascinating life. But, being gay, he has never flirted with me or given me any reason to believe he was interested in me.
I can’t quite figure out how I created such a giant LE out of just that one thing.
@Norma.
It might be a fun for you to look at things from the other side. Let me help you…
When I was in high school, a young (conspicuously heterosexual) woman acted as if she was limerent for me. I, a gay male, always wondered what the appeal was for her and why she didn’t just go for one of the boys she knew better.
I think this particular young woman liked me for:
(1) My looks. (Sadly, none of us have much say over what we inherit due to genetics).
(2) The fact she believed (incorrectly) that I liked her. (I initiated a conversation with her once, and perhaps she never quite recovered from the thrill. But I doubt it. For me, it was just a pleasant conversation. Nothing profound was said).
(3) I was and/or seemed to be a really good listener. (Maybe nobody had ever listened to her before? She liked a boy seemingly focusing his whole attention on her?)
I think maybe, from my subtle body language too, she may have thought I was attracted to her physically, and that my body was giving that away. But body language can be highly misleading. People’s bodies may signal interest where none exists. For example, I may have exhibited shining eyes and high energy while talking with the girl. But, to me, that didn’t mean I was attracted to her. I was just very engaged in whatever we were talking about. I mean, I’m not MJ. I don’t engage in staring contests with strange members of the opposite sex! 😆
Actually, come to think of it, I think this girl did look at me a lot after our initial conversation. However, I just dismissed all her looks, because they simply meant nothing to me. Mentally, I was in another world most of the time.
The girl was basically trying to flirt with a guy who was scarcely aware of her existence. My brain literally never registered: “attractive female incoming”. I assume straight men have some kind of warning system go off in their brains when an attractive female approaches. In my brain, that system is turned off. 🙂
Yeah, that’s a great example, Sammy. I’ve also had a similar experience where I was really hyped about something going on in my life, and was much more upbeat and exuberant in conversation with a younger woman I only knew a little.
For a while afterwards I got a sense that she thought I was interested in her, when in fact I had just been high on life.
Honestly, people tend to look gorgeous when they’re high on life. Maybe that’s what some of us have a lack of in our lives: folks displaying passion openly!
Anyhow – this whole part of the thread felt like a splash of freezing water on my face! Not pleasant, but needed.
It’s clear how deep-seated these patterns are in me when just reading (most of) the list is kind of hot. Urgh!
Gotta recognize that for me this is an addiction I really need to be careful of for the rest of my life!
For me it was all eye contact. When LO caught my stare, she smiled at me. I thought it was interest. Glimmer was off the charts.. Then there were the moments of locking eyes with each other, which then drove up more uncertainty. She embodied physically, every right and good thing I find attractive in the opposite sex and then fired fast on every one of those cylinders..
It was unlike anything I ever felt before.
Song of the Day: “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” – The Four Seasons (1966)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSpyqTjztwM
This is my favorite cover of this song.
WRT my LE with LO #4, it was #3, #5, #7, & #9. I got her attention with #5, she got mine with #9. The others followed along with those two. Events in my life made a fertile environment for those to take hold. In my case, LO #4 provided me an opportunity to go down the rabbit hole and I took it.
DrL, I am mortally offended at your exclusion of redheads! 🙂
Dr. L,
I don’t think you lost control of the special romantic snowflake/snow water metaphor. As a matter of fact, I rather enjoyed it. 🙂
Since rumour has it you’re everyone’s favourite urologist on YouTube, a rumour that I myself may have started, (a thousand apologies), it’s only inevitable that the topic of fluid retention would eventually come up… 🤣
When I was deep in limerence, I was definitely the most special little snowflake who ever snowflaked. I would have been appalled if someone suggested I was made of the exact same everyday snow water as the rest of the other little snowflakes. In fact, that was probably a major impediment to recovery – not being able to admit that my limerence was similar-ish to other people’s limerences.
Yes, yes, for sure, I would have been outraged if anyone questioned my snowflakiness. I was the original special snowflake, you see. I was a special snowflake before an entire generation (the generation younger than yours) embraced the concept of snowflakehood and adopted it as a badge of honour.
But there’s great comfort in knowing that limerence feels the same for everyone, regardless of personal factors, and unfolds along the same lines.
Such insight should certainly go a long way toward dispelling the notion (for disenchanted heterosexuals, for instance) that “men are the enemy” or “women are the enemy”, etc, etc. In other words, we’re all united by our common humanity, our common joys, our common sorrows. No one’s too special to be beyond help. No one’s truly incapable of being understood (although most people living with limerence do temporarily feel deeply misunderstood by others). 😜
Someone on your “Don’t Fight It” video left you the following comment: “Shut up you dont know nothing of my pain.” The comment is just a tad rude, but I suspect it does capture how almost every person feels when they find themselves in the dependency stage of limerence i.e. I feel a level of pain (constant or near-constant) that other people just can’t comprehend.
I guess it’s a part of the limerence psychology – the intensity of the loss validates the majesty of the love, so they both have to be unfathomable to others.
I had another thought. Isn’t it nice for those of us with memories to see Jaideux and Limerent Emeritus pop up in the comments section? Just like old times! 🙂
Hear hear 🙂
Oh my! My LO seemed to have ticked all the boxes except no. 10.
It’s kinda comforting that what I’m experiencing is really common. It’s also sobering.
Brought to mind that during my disclosure, I said one of the things that drew me to him was his intense and passionate gaze towards me. His response was simply, “I didn’t know how I had looked.”
This clip was a splash of cold (snow?) water that it was ALL in my mind. I was overthinking and had attached too much meaning to what his gaze meant.
Hopeful,
Gaze/eye contact has been such a confusing one for many of us on here. My LO has ultra-strong eye contact that I really used to misinterpret. Once less limerent, I could see that she holds very strong eye contact *with everyone*. She also doesn’t really listen to people unless she’s making eye contact! The lim-brain just doesn’t bother to go looking for that sort of extra data …
LaR,
It is so true how we wanna see what we wanna see.
My brain was trying to justify that the way LO had looked at me was unique… even when there were a couple of occasions I had seen the same intensity when he was conversing with some other people (mostly a lady).
“It’s kinda comforting that what I’m experiencing is really common. It’s also sobering.”
Very well put. It helps me get over myself – but at the same time, the vividness of my imagination… the strength of the copium I am apparently on sometimes… is terrifying. I have myself almost feeling the presences of idealized versions of these people, as if they are keeping me company in some tangible way. Despite having real folks in my life who truly care about me and knowing logically that it’s all nonsense. I mean, yikes!
AlxD,
I can understand how you feel. It’s almost like I’m there but not there. I could be sipping a drink on a lovely beach with my SO beside me but my mind is thinking, “Oh! LO would enjoy this!” And I would whip out my phone, snap a pic and send to LO. Thereafter, my mind would be so occupied with LO and his responses that I couldn’t even enjoy that lovely moment! (Well, of course at that point in time, I wouldn’t have acknowledged it cause my emotions are running high and I wouldn’t have been just sucked into it.)
How limerence is such a time-stealer and if I may add youth-stealer! I felt I’d wasted my time and it could never be returned back.