I’m away on holiday this week, so just a quick check in with some good news.
Smitten has been named one of the best non-fiction books of the year (so far) by Spotify.
Obviously, I’m delighted, and that delight is only somewhat muted by the fact that I don’t use Spotify, and I can’t actually seem to find a copy of the book on the Spotify site, but I’m sure they would never have told my publisher about the recognition if it was all just a big misunderstanding.
Regardless, it’s clearly an excellent book and if you haven’t already bought it, you better hurry up because otherwise you’re missing out on the coolest and bestest book of the year!!!
So far.
Normal bloggy business returns next week.
Hi Tom,
I can find the Audio book on Spotify, spoken by John Hopkins. Cannot listen to it because my account doesn’t include audio books, but it‘s there!
That’s a relief. Thanks for confirming Mila 🙂
I just have to say that I’m truly grateful for your book. In my panic with this current LE, while my emotions were extremely high, I had searched, “why do I feel such a strong pull towards someone?”. That’s where I came across the word limerence and then I found your site. I thought about purchasing your book but didn’t really want to do it online. Then a few weeks later (or less as I seem to have no concept of time), I was at my local small town bookstore and there were two copies of your book. I couldn’t believe it! Either, there’s some slick marketing going on or God really wanted me to get this under control. Either way, I consider it a miracle. I’m on page 226, so I haven’t finished it yet but it has truly been a lifesaver. It didn’t prevent me from continuing the LE but it’s given me useful tools to cope along with this website. I’m hoping to come out of this experience stronger and smarter. Thank you for your book and thank you for this site.
Thanks, LIAMF. Great to hear that the gods of serendipity were on your side, and that the book is helping.
Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Congratulations, Tom!
Thanks Norma!
Excellent book Dr. L. It has found a home on a table in my reading room, where I read it frequently and sometimes before bed also.
Also including here, a thank you for printing my quote regarding euphoria, found on page 26. I finally have 5 minutes of fame to add to my resume.. 🤓
Thanks, MJ, and you’re welcome. It’s a great quote!
Congratulations! 🙂
Thank you, Serial!
Congratulations and well deserved!
I would shout about it from the rooftops and tell all my friends if only I didn’t need to worry about blowing my cover.
Thanks, Cloud.
LIAMF’s words, “miracle” and “lifesaver” also describe what I feel about your blog and books, Tom. I bought several copies of “Smitten” to distribute, and plan to continue, hoping I can play small part in spreading understanding of limerence. I believe this understanding will promote more stable relationships, which in turn will provide more stability for children.
Future generations will benefit profoundly from your genius and hard work.
Wow, that’s amazing praise, Libra iSO. Many thanks. And, I agree, understanding of limerence could solve a lot of heartache.
I am so grateful to have stumbled on your book. I am still recovering from a life-altering experience with an LO 3 years ago. I had never experienced the intense feelings/emptions and what I thought was love only to have him vanish from my life leaving me heartbroken and searching for meaning/answers which I hadn’t found until reading your book and now it all makes so much sense – so thank you!
“Instead, her own love life had been marred by partners who swung through these emotional extremes—their claims of ecstasy and their demands for attention and fear of rejection ruining promising relationships before they got started. As she saw it, the ridiculous, exaggerated version of romance described by Tennov, and portrayed in the media and popular culture, was absurd.“ — “Smitten”, p2
Indeed, it’s absurd to non-limerents but pitiful and saddening for/to informed limerents.
“Limerence can transform into classic love, but it is far from certain that the desired transition will occur successfully. Stable, happy relationships can emerge from connections that begin in limerence, but the long-term bonds of affection take time to develop, depend on factors that are only loosely related to limerence, and need to last after the limerence has dissipated. Love may come later.” — “Smitten”, p17
That’s why compatibility, choice, and action matter much more than mere crush/limerence in stable, happy relationships.
Limerence is not love, and it’s not required for non-limerents to form a lasting romantic bond. Then I wonder if a classic love can develop with little visceral limerence for aware limerents?