A couple of months ago, I laid out a plan for what I wanted to achieve with Living with Limerence in the months ahead.
Part 1 of the plan was to create some workshops to solve specific limerence problems. Well, the first is now up and running and providing valuable mental tools for how to deal with Obsessive Romantic Thoughts.
Part 2 of the plan was to set up a specific case study submission page for people who would like to get personal feedback from me about their limerence situation, and are willing to share their experience publicly, so that other people can benefit.
That’s today’s topic.
I’ve always had a case study category on the site, but it was just a random ad hoc process of someone sending me a message, me asking them if they would be interested in being a case study, them saying either yes or no, and then me providing specific feedback in a way that was hopefully helpful.
To preserve privacy a bit, we would blur the details and use pseudonyms, but the heart of the actual limerence problem was always preserved.
But, as time went on, the queries built up, I got behind, and I had a few annoying experiences (e.g. people who changed their mind at the last minute, asked me not to post, and so basically got some free coaching and no-one else learned anything).
Like many things we do, what once worked well can start to break down in a different season of life.
So, the time has come for more discipline, more structure, and more clarity.
I’ve created a separate Case Study Application page, where you can message me about your situation, and get routed straight to a dedicated inbox for review.
I’ll pick out examples that are especially interesting or noteworthy, or illuminate an important aspect of limerence. That way, everyone benefits from the insights and the whole process becomes more systematic and manageable.
Obviously, I will still respect anonymity and make minor changes to identifiability so people don’t have to reveal too much about themselves, but this seems like a sensible strategy for managing the large number of limerents who reach out for help.
If you are in the situation where you would like my view on your own limerence experience, head over to the submission page and send me a note!
Next on the list of improvements is to revisit the emergency deprogramming course and add more personalisation and accountability.
I surveyed a few limerents who got in touch with me about personal support, and they unanimously wanted 1:1 time with me to discuss their situation and figure out their best moves.
Those discussions have revived an old idea of mine to run a limerence bootcamp. The goal would be to intensively work through the key methods for recovery, guided by me as a drill instructor.
Looking back through the comments of that old post, it’s striking that many of them echoed the opinions of the people I surveyed: they don’t want to do it as a group, they just want a personal trainer.
And actually, that makes a lot of sense to me.
It’s not just an issue of privacy; if we do a group session and some of the limerents are really wrestling with guilt about the impact of their limerence on their existing relationship, but other limerents are single and guilt-free, then it’s guaranteed that some participants will be wasting time than could have been spent on the specific support that they needed.
It really does have to be designed for an individual, just like a personal trainer in the gym designing a programme for a 20 year old man who wants to get jacked versus a 60 year old woman who’s worried about declining strength.
Both need to warm up, move weights, make progress over time by increasing the load, and stretch, but the specifics of the programme will be very different.
Same goes for limerence recovery – the principles are universal, but the specific implementation has to be tailored to get the fastest and most lasting impact.
So, that’s next on the list of developments: a personal limerence bootcamp offer.
Stay tuned.
Finally, although the last couple of months have focused on paid resources, I’m also planning on increasing the number of YouTube videos.
And always, as ever, for over a decade now, there’ll be the weekly blog post.
Like clockwork.
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