It’s 2025!
The Christmas to New Year lull is a wonderfully lazy time for me, so no blog post this week, except to say that I haven’t been entirely idle.
Here’s the next couple of videos on my @DrTomBellamy YouTube channel:
This is shaping up into a series/Playlist on the Fundamentals of limerence.
I plan to keep a weekly schedule.
Proper blogging business to resume next week too.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Happy new year Dr. L!
I still haven’t watched your videos, I’m so sorry, but I‘m also a bit reluctant because I just got out of the whole mess and kind of don’t want to relive it now by immersing myself in descriptions of limerence…
I‘m sure they are great and a big help!
Thanks for everything and all the best for your endeavors this year!!
I get you Mila. I confessed to my wife last night my dream I had about her on new years night. She was, and I can’t blame her, frustrated with me. I don’t want to be this way either and I didn’t want to take this step back either. I think that it was some words in the pastor’s sermon yesterday that spoke to me and so I felt the need to tell my wife. I want to always be honest with her. Though I fear one day she will reach her limit.
Adam,
I cannot recall what the dream was about at the moment, sorry!
But I think being honest doesn’t mean telling her every single thought and dream. With some things one better deals alone because it would mean to burden the other one to tell him/her every single thing, at least that’s what I think. I don’t mean heavy stuff like cheating etc, of course.
According to Ester Perel, America subscribes to the Truth Cures All belief – but there are other cultures in which telling the whole truth would be considered a burden on the other person and an unkindness.
It is useful to realize that none of these are edicts and are constructions (and therefore can be deconstructed).
Between telling whole (ugly/bitter parts of) truth and doing no harm to others, choose the latter!
Being kind /conducting a kind deed to another, especially your beloved, would bring deep psychological rewards — lasting, substantial gratification and contentment, to one’s Self/Soul.
Adam,
I second Mila in keeping some possibly hurtful “truths” to yourself for the benefits of your listeners — an act of Kindness.
In your case, your dream is not a tangible truth — so out of control or management of our conscious mind, so why bother unearth it to hurt your beloved?
Let me try again to re-attach these two clips (failed, the system erased my attempts)
1. https://youtu.be/v1E0xsiYMr0?si=l_i0WVj8iCoQXXFn
2. https://youtu.be/RmnvtqEAayE?si=bipMY-YVu6ZH30TN
@Mila.
Happy New Year! Sending you (and all other LwLers) warm wishes. I know limerence can sometimes make people spiral a little bit emotionally, and when people spiral, they can sometimes attract feedback they don’t want to hear.
Even if I’m 100% wrong in my responses to you and to other people, (and I may well be wrong), I feel anything I say that has the power to “snap people out of a thought loop” is beneficial. For me, the point isn’t to be right. For me, the point is to encourage the other person to bring their logical brain online in their own analysis of their own problems.
In other words, in your commentary, keep being emotional, and then bring logic into the mix. I’m not asking people to shut down their emotions – shutting down one’s emotions is counterproductive when discussing relationships. I’m asking people to blend emotion with logic, and see where emotion + logic takes them.
I’d like to reassure you that I personally feel nothing but goodwill toward you. Am I annoying? Yes, I absolutely am annoying. However, my annoying-ness serves a purpose. My annoying-ness is designed to motivate you to see life from a different angle, and to encourage you to use your whole brain when problem-solving. 🙂
Hi Sammy,
I have absolutely no idea which of my comments brought this on, my brain being like a sieve these days, but I‘m delighted to hear from you. I hope you are doing well and life is good!
My comments are often too much written in the mood I’m currently in with too little reflection if I really got it right , I know that, but I think/hope I cannot do much harm here anyway with my ramblings.
You deserve a break good Doctor!! I subscribed to the channel and the videos are excellent. Getting to order the book can’t get here soon enough.. Thanks again for all you do.
I could never keep a New Years resolution, not even one as simple as making the comming year even just slightly better than the last. So, several years ago, I don’t know how many, I made a New Years resolution to never make another New Years resolution. I have been very successful keeping this resolution for many years now.
Happy New Year!
May it bring you success and happiness!
Great videos, Dr L! I’m glad that your shoulders are doing better, *wink.”
I’m sorry that I haven’t liked or subscribed. Of course I want to, but I’m worried about my anonymity.
Besides DrL, can others see our “identity/email” through “like” or “subscribe”? I was worried, too.
I can’t see any others’ identity, who has clicked “like” or subscribe” on my end, only a total number of “likes” and “subscribe”.
Not an expert, but I don’t think anyone other than DrL would know (I can only see his number of subscribers, not who they are). Obviously if one comments then one gives one’s Youtube identity out. If I did that, for example, my full name would be visible.
LaR,
You are able to change your name “handle” so that it is more anonymous when you comment. Unless you identify along with your email address, there really isn’t a way for others to get your email address unless you’ve made it publicly available.
You are off to a great start with your channel Dr. Tom.
Your on-line presence is very engaging.
I was gifted a bad flu over the holidays so watching YouTube is pretty much all I have been doing.
Happy New Year all!
Hi Dr. L,
I have been watching your YT videos and am enjoying them very much. Love your work!
Your “How Common is Limerence” video (covering the ever-controversial and always-fascinating topic of two tribes) has recently cracked 1000 views. Congrats!
I thought your admission about survey-takers for one of your surveys conducted by a professional survey company was so funny. (Apparently, anxiously-attached bisexual-identifying persons turned out to be overrepresented in the sample compared to the general population). I don’t know why that’s funny to me. But it was funny. (Probably because straight men and gay men alike tend to believe that bisexual men don’t exist. Ergo, all these “anxiously-attached bisexual persons” must be biological females). 😜
There’s a woman named Evita who also makes YT videos on limerence from a spiritual advisor/life-coach-y sort of perspective. She ended one of her videos with the line “I love you”. Then she quickly added the caveat: “Only in a platonic way. Don’t go imagining things now.” Hahaha! I found the way she caught herself out and corrected herself on air funny. I guess she is primarily addressing an audience of limerents, so she’s not taking any chances with potential admirers.
I am looking forward to the video you plan to make on archetypes. I agree that that topic is big enough to deserve its own video.
On Reddit, people have been saying they get panic attacks around LOs, especially work LOs. I wonder if there is some interesting neuroscience behind this? The solution people are recommending to each other for panic attacks is low-contact vs no-contact, since people can’t always leave their jobs. Perhaps the neuroscience of panic attacks caused by limerence is a really valuable little point you could touch on in one of your videos, should you find a relevant place for it?
I watch Evita, I found her when looking for resources for healing my inner child, attachment style etc.. lots of great channels on YouTube for whatever ails you.
Limerence is gaining a lot of attention lately and that’s good! I’m glad Dr. Tom has taken the leap!
No one needs to suffer in silence anymore.