I love Spring. The world is warming up, the daffodils are out, and the sense of life renewing itself can't help but make me feel optimistic. Beside the lake, beneath the trees; Fluttering and …
The perils of online dating for limerents
Being a middle-aged married man, the perils and pitfalls of dating are a distant memory for me now. Mostly of noisy nightclubs and flavoured vodka For people of my vintage, "going out" with …
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Why limerence is not just a crush
From time to time I get invited to contribute to a podcast or article about obsessive love, and one of the questions about limerence that is pretty much guaranteed to come up is: Isn't that …
How long will my limerence last?
The average duration of a limerent episode is between 18 months and 3 years. That estimate comes from Tennov's book, and was based on interviews with hundreds of people struggling with …
The psychology of limerent Idealisation
One of the defining features of limerence is the tendency to idealise your limerent object. You see them as Special with a capital S, different from ordinary people, extraordinary in their …
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Case study: I miss the high
A case study about the long term implications of living with limerence, today. J contacted me with a couple of questions, and an observation about life two years after her last limerence episode …
“The crush you can’t quit”
Life comes at you fast, sometimes. I've had a crazy busy week in the day job, and that happened to coincide with a sudden increase in traffic to the blog. The reason for this was an article …
Are you a different person during limerence?
I've previously described limerence as an altered mental state that changes your perception, and makes you behave in ways that you wouldn't normally behave. That raises an uncomfortable question. …
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Relationship OCD
Limerence has been described as a cross between OCD and addiction. This is a useful simplification in many ways, because limerence is characterised by obsessive, intrusive thoughts, and we can get so …
A limerence quiz
April 2022 update: The quiz developed in this post has now been set up as a complete limerence survey: available here I occasionally receive emails from people who are going through a …
Supernormal stimuli
One of the defining features of limerence - and the feature that makes it so difficult for others to understand - is the wildly exaggerated importance that we assign to our limerent objects. Why do we …
Case study: why do I feel betrayed?
Sammy got in touch with a great suggestion for a post topic: Dorothy Tennov writes in her book that limerents often feel betrayed by their LOs (presumably after things have gone south). If you or …
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