Limerence dreams

A defining feature of limerence is persistent, intrusive thoughts about LO. And it doesn’t even let up when you are asleep. Frequent dreams about LO are very common, and can be quite informative. Now, I’m no Freudian (or Jungian) and don’t want to make too much of this, in terms of trying to interpret the symbolism of the dream or what it means for your deeper psyche, but sometimes the dreams are so hilariously literal that they can be useful. The stimulus for this post was a previous comment by J, who had this dream:

Last night I couldn’t sleep, was in a lucid dream state about LO could not get my mind to stop no matter how hard I tried. It was easier and more pleasurable to let the LO fantasy happen. I then had a dream of injecting heroine into my leg behind my SO back, but the injection site was bleeding!

Closely followed by an important P.S.

Ps I’ve never taken heroin!

I don’t think you need to be a genius rocket surgeon to interpret that one.

So, can our crazy dreams be useful for managing limerence? I think so, particularly in terms of how the experience develops over time, and what it tells you about the subconscious awareness of how LO is affecting your life. To illustrate this, I’ll adopt the strategy of bores everywhere and tell you about a couple of my dreams.

Now, early on in the limerence cycle, these dreams can be mostly positive, and often sexy.


Don’t worry, I’ll spare you those.

As time goes on, the mood music changes, both in real life and in dreams. For me, one of the best ways to recognise how toxic the limerence was becoming was when the dreams turned into nightmares. This was also actually really helpful in the deprogramming process, as the more affecting nightmares would cause me to spend a good portion of the day still feeling the emotional hangover. On those days, time with LO became negative reinforcement. So, in the hopes that reliving them may help other suffering limerents, here are a couple of mine:

1) The trap

I was working in an office that I sometimes shared with LO, and we were chatting away. After a while, I left the office, and discovered that instead of emerging into the usual corridor, I was in a musty bathroom. In confusion, I wandered into the next room, which was a small lounge, with a blaring TV, and a window view out over a rainy city. It dawned on me that I was now living with LO in a tiny flat. With a creeping sense of claustrophobia, I tried to get out, and followed the only other route: a narrow, dimly lit corridor. It led around the back of the office (where LO was still working) in a short, closed circle, and back to the bathroom. There was no way out. I was trapped.

2) Gone swimming

I was with my wife and kids at the swimming pool, and having fun. Then I noticed that LO was at the far end of the pool. With some trepidation, I pointed her out to my wife, and said “Come on, I think I’d better introduce you all.” Somewhat reluctantly, she agreed, and so I swam over to LO. I greeted her, and explained that I wanted to introduce my family, and turned to find that they hadn’t swum along with me as I’d expected, and in fact I couldn’t see them. Somewhat embarrassed, I explained to LO that they must have gone over to the slides, or the small pool, and said that I would go and find them and bring them over. Dripping and cold, I then hurried around the various other parts of the pool, and into the changing rooms. I searched with awful, escalating, panic. My family had vanished. I woke with my heart hammering.

I’ve learned to listen to my subconscious mind when it screams at me. Dreams can be useful. Try and catch the worst and remember them for later reprogramming purposes.


Got one! Urgh. Quick, throw it in the fire!

2 thoughts on “Limerence dreams

  1. I never had any dreams I remember about LO #1 or LO #3. I’ve had plenty about LO #2 & LO #4. I’ve talked about some of them elsewhere so I won’t repeat those.

    Some of them were pretty intense. After LO #2 sent her Facebook friend request, I had a dream I met with her. I decided to ask her if she wanted to try it again. When I turned around, she was gone. After running away, I decided to turn around and look for her again. When I got back, my dead father was standing there. When I told him what I was going to do, he told me, “Don’t. Leave it alone.”

    I think I had this dream when I was almost at the end of the line with LO #4. I dreamed my wife, my daughter, and I were at a resort. The porter told us our snake was in the urn. Apparently, there was some local custom having to do with poisonous snakes. There was a 4ft tall urn in the corner. I lifted lid and there was a rattlesnake in the bottom. I asked my wife if the ritual was sticking your hand or your head in the urn. She thought it was your head. I told her the point of that ritual escaped me. I turned out the light to go to bed and I got bit in the left leg by a snake. We flipped on the lights but didn’t see a snake. My leg started to swell and discolor. My wife called the front desk to get help and told me to calm down, there was anti-venom at the hospital. I kept asking but what if there wasn’t? Oddly, neither my wife nor my daughter were concerned there was a snake loose in the room.

    Another thing is that after grinding through all this, I think I’ve reconciled things in my dreams.

    It’s pretty obvious from FB that LO #2 has a BF. After I understood my emotionally corrective experience triggers, I dreamed I ran into her at the airport. She was on one side of a glass partition and I was on the other. I pointed to the area where we could meet. Just then I saw my wife coming up. They had never met and my wife would be mortified to meet her today (long story). I told her LO #2 was there and asked if she wanted to meet her after all these years. She said, “Nope.” I went back to the window and her BF was there with his arm around her. I gave her the sorry shrug, smiled, and turned away.

    I had a dream that I was out with my wife and mother-in-law. We were waiting to be seated in a restaurant when LO #4 walked in and sat down. My wife was between me and LO #4. I asked my wife if we could change places so I could talk to LO #4. We did. As I was talking to LO #4, my wife gently took my hand and held. It was a reminder.

    Almost all the dreams about LO #4 reflected the fact that there was nothing really mutual between us. Although when she did respond, my dreams reflected my anxiety.


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