A defining feature of limerence is persistent, intrusive thoughts about LO. And it doesn’t even let up when you are asleep. Frequent dreams about LO are very common, and can be quite informative. Now, I’m no Freudian (or Jungian) and don’t want to make too much of this, in terms of trying to interpret the symbolism of the dream or what it means for your deeper psyche, but sometimes the dreams are so hilariously literal that they can be useful. The stimulus for this post was a previous comment by J, who had this dream:
Last night I couldn’t sleep, was in a lucid dream state about LO could not get my mind to stop no matter how hard I tried. It was easier and more pleasurable to let the LO fantasy happen. I then had a dream of injecting heroine into my leg behind my SO back, but the injection site was bleeding!
Closely followed by an important P.S.
Ps I’ve never taken heroin!
I don’t think you need to be a genius rocket surgeon to interpret that one.
So, can our crazy dreams be useful for managing limerence? I think so, particularly in terms of how the experience develops over time, and what it tells you about the subconscious awareness of how LO is affecting your life. To illustrate this, I’ll adopt the strategy of bores everywhere and tell you about a couple of my dreams.
Now, early on in the limerence cycle, these dreams can be mostly positive, and often sexy.
As time goes on, the mood music changes, both in real life and in dreams. For me, one of the best ways to recognise how toxic the limerence was becoming was when the dreams turned into nightmares. This was also actually really helpful in the deprogramming process, as the more affecting nightmares would cause me to spend a good portion of the day still feeling the emotional hangover. On those days, time with LO became negative reinforcement. So, in the hopes that reliving them may help other suffering limerents, here are a couple of mine:
1) The trap
I was working in an office that I sometimes shared with LO, and we were chatting away. After a while, I left the office, and discovered that instead of emerging into the usual corridor, I was in a musty bathroom. In confusion, I wandered into the next room, which was a small lounge, with a blaring TV, and a window view out over a rainy city. It dawned on me that I was now living with LO in a tiny flat. With a creeping sense of claustrophobia, I tried to get out, and followed the only other route: a narrow, dimly lit corridor. It led around the back of the office (where LO was still working) in a short, closed circle, and back to the bathroom. There was no way out. I was trapped.
2) Gone swimming
I was with my wife and kids at the swimming pool, and having fun. Then I noticed that LO was at the far end of the pool. With some trepidation, I pointed her out to my wife, and said “Come on, I think I’d better introduce you all.” Somewhat reluctantly, she agreed, and so I swam over to LO. I greeted her, and explained that I wanted to introduce my family, and turned to find that they hadn’t swum along with me as I’d expected, and in fact I couldn’t see them. Somewhat embarrassed, I explained to LO that they must have gone over to the slides, or the small pool, and said that I would go and find them and bring them over. Dripping and cold, I then hurried around the various other parts of the pool, and into the changing rooms. I searched with awful, escalating, panic. My family had vanished. I woke with my heart hammering.
I’ve learned to listen to my subconscious mind when it screams at me. Dreams can be useful. Try and catch the worst and remember them for later reprogramming purposes.
P.S. Feel free to fill up the comments with your own limerence dreams… 🙂
I never had any dreams I remember about LO #1 or LO #3. I’ve had plenty about LO #2 & LO #4. I’ve talked about some of them elsewhere so I won’t repeat those.
Some of them were pretty intense. After LO #2 sent her Facebook friend request, I had a dream I met with her. I decided to ask her if she wanted to try it again. When I turned around, she was gone. After running away, I decided to turn around and look for her again. When I got back, my dead father was standing there. When I told him what I was going to do, he told me, “Don’t. Leave it alone.”
I think I had this dream when I was almost at the end of the line with LO #4. I dreamed my wife, my daughter, and I were at a resort. The porter told us our snake was in the urn. Apparently, there was some local custom having to do with poisonous snakes. There was a 4ft tall urn in the corner. I lifted lid and there was a rattlesnake in the bottom. I asked my wife if the ritual was sticking your hand or your head in the urn. She thought it was your head. I told her the point of that ritual escaped me. I turned out the light to go to bed and I got bit in the left leg by a snake. We flipped on the lights but didn’t see a snake. My leg started to swell and discolor. My wife called the front desk to get help and told me to calm down, there was anti-venom at the hospital. I kept asking but what if there wasn’t? Oddly, neither my wife nor my daughter were concerned there was a snake loose in the room.
Another thing is that after grinding through all this, I think I’ve reconciled things in my dreams.
It’s pretty obvious from FB that LO #2 has a BF. After I understood my emotionally corrective experience triggers, I dreamed I ran into her at the airport. She was on one side of a glass partition and I was on the other. I pointed to the area where we could meet. Just then I saw my wife coming up. They had never met and my wife would be mortified to meet her today (long story). I told her LO #2 was there and asked if she wanted to meet her after all these years. She said, “Nope.” I went back to the window and her BF was there with his arm around her. I gave her the sorry shrug, smiled, and turned away.
I had a dream that I was out with my wife and mother-in-law. We were waiting to be seated in a restaurant when LO #4 walked in and sat down. My wife was between me and LO #4. I asked my wife if we could change places so I could talk to LO #4. We did. As I was talking to LO #4, my wife gently took my hand and held. It was a reminder.
Almost all the dreams about LO #4 reflected the fact that there was nothing really mutual between us. Although when she did respond, my dreams reflected my anxiety.
In the last few weeks, I’ve had 2 more dreams about LO #2. The circumstances were different but the themes seem to be the same.
#1: In this dream, I was parking my car along the side of the road. As I was getting out, LO #2 parked her car across the street. It turned out we were going to the same place. We went inside. There was a large lobby with a lot of exhibitor tables, etc., in it. LO #2 was looking at something on the wall when I asked if she’d like something to drink. She said a glass of water would be nice so I went to find one. When I came back, she was gone and I never did find her, again.
#2: I was walking across a large gravel parking lot to a building on the other side. The parking lot was largely empty. As I was walking across, I almost got hit by a small shuttle bus pulling into the lot. The shuttle was full of people and LO #2 was driving it. We recognized each other. I waited for her to park the bus and get off. She drove to the far end of the empty lot. The people got off the bus, She stood out from the others, wearing a blue and white floral pantsuit; the only person in color in an otherwise black & white photo. It looked like the group was dressed for something like a wedding reception, nice but not formal. As she came closer, I was suddenly surrounded by a large group of people. Some guy, I wondered if it was her BF, kept looking at me. I lost her in the crowd. As I was looking for her, a guy who worked there said, “There are lots of places you can stop along the way to water the horses (no clue) or get something to eat.” I told him, “I’m not a part of this.” The crowd disappeared and I started heading toward the building.
What I’m having trouble with, is why, after all this time, my subconscious still has me encountering her but not being able to engage her.
For me, an interesting feature of limerence dreams is the way it often brings slumbering limerence back to the centre of our consciousness. For weeks now, I’ve had minimal contact with LO. I enjoyed a friendly, collegial relationship with her at work and had no intrusive or limerent thoughts about her when out of her vicinity. My relationship with SO improved immensely, as freedom from limerent obsession freed up huge reserves of romantic energy and positive feeling towards her.
Then, for no clear reason, I have a mundanely pleasant fantasy dream about LO, not particularly interesting, but very vivid. And boom, I can feel the roots of limerence taking hold on my mind once more… Go figure!
Your hindbrain whispering, “If life is going well with one person, why not two!”? Or maybe it’s more like the cycle when someone stops drinking, or quits smoking cigarettes. Thinks are great & so easy for a stretch of time, but then a circumstance arises, old habits die hard and you’re tempted to have one drink with old friends, or one cigarette after dinner.
Sorry it sucker-punched you, Bram. Time to see less if LO, I guess.
“Things”, “…of LO”
*ties glasses onto face*
Yep, said dream definitely followed a period of increased contact with LO. At least the fact that things are going well with SO weakens the hold considerably.
That happens me after every few months…even the most mundane dreams about LO rekindles the limerence flame…🤷
That happens to me after every few months…even the most mundane dreams about LO rekindles the limerence flame
Recently, I read about a “strategy” that involved purposely altering the conclusions of the fantasies about the LO to ensure a “bad” ending. For example, imagining that the relationship slowly devolves into a state of constant argument and mutual disgust or hatred.
It worked for a while, I lasted several weeks without struggling with limerence. I felt free—like I had a grasp of reality and I was living again. But one night, randomly and completely out of the blue, I dreamed about the LO again, which served more as a reminder of the LO’s existence than any particular desire for activity together. I woke up feeling incredibly puzzled wondering what might have caused it as I had not been thinking about the LO for weeks.
And then the whole cycle started again. It’s annoying but the puzzled feeling hasn’t gone away yet. As with limerence, believing that it’s somehow the act of some higher power like a god or perhaps fate/destiny is very tempting. My subconscious believes in it (along with plenty of other highly improbable yet not impossible things) and as a result I’m actively having to fight it consciously almost on a daily basis. A bit like fighting for the control yokes on an aeroplane but one of the pilots is trying to fly into a jungle, completely convinced that Wakanda lies just beyond it (even though it is a fictional place).
I love the aeroplane metaphor. 😀
Sometimes, one needn’t even fantasize – it can be helpful to consider all the very real negative consequences that almost certainly will result if one’s relationship with LO was ever consummated (depending on one’s situation, of course).
I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but in the deepest grip of my limerence, I was amazed at my mind’s ability to glaze over the fact that my LO is married. The heartbreak for a great many people that would result from a successful pursuit was barely a blip on my radar. Taking that seriously into consideration can certainly cool the fires a bit.
6 weeks no contact and last night I dreamt about LO. First time in ages.
Annoying thing (or maybe a positive) is I cannot remember the actual dream, but I was awoken before the end of it and it’s left me feeling warm towards LO again.
No idea why I dreamt about him or even the details of the dream. Just frustrating.
I now keep rereading your article on the benefits of no contact and remember that if I contact him I’ve thrown my career away and put my marriage on the line again for nothing.
This past week I dreamed I was in a place that looked like a bike shop, but that was actually my hairdresser’s salon. There were some people I could not recognize in there, except for LO, who was on the opposite corner of the room in relation to me. When I would avoid looking at her, she would became upset and would frown together with a strong disaproval expression on her face, but when I looked at her then she would make an happy expression of enjoying the attention I was giving her.
This morning I was woken up by my kids during the weirdest dream.
Limerent dreams haven’t been a big feature for me as I rarely remember any dreams. Also odd this came at a time when I thought I really was moving on!!
In this dream I met LO at some event (setting was very vague) and I made some remark about it would probably be easier to live alone, to which he replied “Yes it is!” I was confused by that, then he explained he’d finally left his holding pattern.
(This was how he described his home situation when we worked together – wanting the kids to be older and needing to have changed jobs, so he could have them at weekends more easily, before leaving his wife.)
It was quite odd in the dream, because every time we went to speak to each other after that, there was a blockage or interruption of some sort!
“Also odd this came at a time when I thought I really was moving on!!”
Not odd at all. It’s part of the purge cycle, if you will. You may have a few more here and there but nothing to worry about.
“(This was how he described his home situation when we worked together – wanting the kids to be older and needing to have changed jobs, so he could have them at weekends more easily, before leaving his wife.) ”
Wow. That sounds unkind of him. I don’t suppose she knew of his master plan and was equally prepared for his departure. And why would he have the kids on the weekend and she would be stuck with them during the work/school week?
No matter. Life is looking up for you and yours. I hope 2019 hasn’t disappointed yet.
That’s good to hear.
So far my optimism for 2019 hasn’t been spoiled, and avoided the temptation to wish him a Happy New Year.
I am aware it sounds unkind out of context, but I was trying to summarise some lengthy (and admittedly inappropriate) conversations. I know I have only heard his version of events, and that I’ve only met Mrs LO very briefly, but from what he’s said they’re both working towards separating. Working in a job that is more flexible in hours will be beneficial, whatever arrangements they come to for the children.
Anyways, hope you and Mr Lee are getting there and 2019 is going as well as possible!
Yes, Mr. Lee & I are doing well & hopefully 2019 will be good all around.
Yeah – I wouldn’t believe what he had to say. He had an agenda and you are very fortunate to have recognized that something was amiss. If you want to see what you avoided, go to Chumplady’s site. So many cheating spouses say that exact same thing to the devastation of their husband/wife.
Anyway, glad things are looking up!
Hey, I’m going to put this comment here because there isn’t a specific post about limerence daydreams.
I have found that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t actually remember LO’s face. I would know her face anywhere, but I can’t remember it.
My theory is that I’m not allowing myself to remember her face due to the stress it causes me when she looks at me, but my question is: Does this happen to anyone else?
This happened to me for about the first two months but after spending a lot of time around LO I now recall every detail of his face indelibly.
I found similar, but when I was daydreaming a lot, it was our emotional connection that was of far greater importance to me than his physical appearance (attractive as he was!)
Now the memories are more about what he did and how I felt than about appearances.
It may be that because the limerence is my own issues being projected onto him, that his appearance is irrelevant.
I’m forgetting my LO’s face now. I can conjure it back if I try, but it takes a bit of work.
During the limerence, it was there all the time – apart from the fact that it sort of become an idealised version of LO’s face. If I met her after a break I was surprised that she wasn’t quite as beautiful as I remembered…
I’m the opposite; I really can’t remember her face, it’s just kind of a blur of skin with silhouettes of features haphazardly splodged in the right places, no detail. This doesn’t work quite well for me, as it results in, every time I see LO, my thinking how overwhelmingly, uncannily, unimaginably beautiful she is. It makes me even more nervous than I would be without the feeling.
I used to have that. When I was in contact with my LO I used to have difficulty remembering what she looked like. I mean, I’d know her face if I saw her but I had difficulty conjuring it in my imagination.
I could remember her voice, though. Really well.
Same. Can you remember now?
When I was in the deceleration of the relationship with LO, and anxiety over that was at a limerent fever pitch, I had a lot of dreams that involved me going to the loo. In public. And it was horrific and disgusting and there were mishaps and folks observing and chastising me and plumbing blockages and overflowing toilets and inability to hide or even modestly cover up (I was ALWAYS in a public place) and I was humiliated and revolted and dismayed that I had found myself in this predicament. And the more I tried to resolve it the more things became chaotic and even more embarrassing. I looked up dreams and it seems when you have dreams about going #2 in public there are toxic people you need to get out of your life. So there we go! I am now NC, and it seems I am now non-limerent (Could this be? Such a wondrous relief!) and interestingly I am no longer having Public Poo Dreams. Sorry ….just had to say it. Maybe I am feeling a little too comfortable here.
My dreams do a number on me. I had one the other night. I was back in school, in one of the science classrooms. I was sitting at one of the lab benches. I got the sense that it was a Thursday and we had Friday off. LO’s sitting at the other end of the bench. Her friend turns to me and says ‘She’s free tomorrow, if you’re not doing anything’ and I say ‘What?’. Then LO starts reading something aloud. She’s kind of angry and confrontational. Whatever she’s reading (I get the sense it’s the message I wrote her all those years ago) she reads it line by line and asks me about it. But, because I’m asleep really, I don’t understand what it is she’s asking, so I only respond with ‘What?’. Then she asks me point blank if I have any feelings for her. Then I woke up.
I had one last night. I can’t remember what it was. But I remember that she was in it. I generally dream more about LO (or at least recall my dreams about LO) more often than I dream about members of my immediate family, who I see everyday. Is that odd?
No, that’s the same for me.
It seems like you dreamed my biggest fear (almost); my LO confronting me about whether or not I like her. Of course, I’d have to say no, which is the terrifying part about it – not least because I’m lying to the one person I care about most in the world.
I, too, have a lot of dreams I can’t remember, but know LO was in. I don’t always immediately realise, so at some point in the day I’ll spontaneously just think ‘Oh. I had a [LO’s name] Dream last night…’.
I remember once, I had a dream. It was simple ream, short, but very big:
I walked into a room with some people (faces unseen, but presumably family) and it must have been a special occasion in the dream. There was a silver banner, with sort of ‘birthday’ writing on it (all colourful and bubbly, with sparkles). And all it said was “NO CONTACT”. And then I woke up.
A few weeks later I started not to look at LO in school, and it’s now sort of a habit, making it a little easier.
Wait, why do you have to say no? You’re single, she’s single. You’re lucky there are no social obstacles. If she were to like you too, why not try dating?
“If she were to like you too”.
It’s too risky and would probably end in my humiliation at a school I have to be in for the next two years.
I’m not a very secure person.
It’s not a fear for me.
When I was at school with my LO, I never had the confidence to just straight out tell her how I felt about her. So, what I would try to do is create opportunities wherein it might become obvious to her that I felt the way I did. Usually by doing stuff for her. For example, one time we got put together to do a presentation for History class so I offered to do, and did, all of the work. Another time, LO was having massive anxiety about her History A-Levels (she wanted to get into Cambridge) so I gave her three history books that were immensely helpful to me. Far as I know, she’s still got them. My aim was to get her to ask how I felt about her, or at least why I’d go out of my way to do this stuff for her.
Point is that, even after ten years or so apart, if she showed up out of the blue and asked me if I loved her I’d say yes. I’d relish an opportunity to answer that question
I see, AL. Thank you for explaining. My heart goes out to you; that sounds so difficult.
Hey, so last night I had a dream, just about being in school and seeing LO get on with her life, nothing particularly bad, but I dreamt that I cried. And I’m pretty sure I cried in reality – just a few tears, but it felt very real. Anyone else ever get this?
I don’t know whether or not to be concerned.
Can’t say I have in a dream, but as a general rule always think any way of releasing your feelings (without negatively affecting anyone else) is always a good thing!
I had a dream of my LO last week and I never dream or remember them..
So basically i tried to kiss my lo and he pushed me away. I was very angry and left and he started running after me saying we dont need to leave each other like that; he said but we should remember the first time we met to understand our relationship. I dont get it?? I was running back to my house and before he had a chance to say bye or say anything i spoke to my husband so my lo had to carry on walking and pretend we didnt know each other ; the house was opened to the street with no doors or
Cant understand this dream but maybe there is nothing into it?
“So basically i tried to kiss my lo and he pushed me away. I was very angry and left and he started running after me saying we dont need to leave each other like that; he said but we should remember the first time we met to understand our relationship.”
What about the first time you met? Sounds like your subconscious knows the right answer.
Mine always did.
Honestly the first time we met I thought poorly of him ☹️ I was asked by my manager to be his budddy when he joined our team and had to show him the canteen we went for lunch i didnt hear anything he said and was thinking ive seen so many ambitious men like him from business school lol but remember thinking im not happy that i have to go on one to one lunch with him im not confortable but ita ok its for work
Actually after rethinking about it we still have one to one lunches every week and we dont work together anymore… i obviously got comfortable with him as a “friend”
I had a doozy just now. Gonna write it down while I remember it.
So, for some reason I go to this library. It’s this big old building with a lot of wooden furniture, wooden chairs, wooden tables and this big circular wooden staircase with no railings to hold on to. I go there and I run into some family members (of my father’s family, these people would never be in a library). I tell them I’m in there for whatever the reason is (I couldn’t hear/don’t remember what I said). I look in the directory and the books I want are on floor 2040. I’m on floor 2010 (incidentally the year I left school). I look up at the floors and I say ‘Big climb’ and standing next to me is one of my school mates, who I haven’t seen since then. We exchange pleasantries and he tells me that everyone is here. So I go down the stairs, and because there’s nothing to hold on to I stumble a bit.
Then I see her. LO. We lock eyes for a bit and I sense that she’s very animated and excited to see me. She says something like ‘I always said we’d just run into him at the library’. She starts telling me about everything that’s happened to her since I saw her last. She mentions falling in love with another man. I finish going down the stairs and I run into some other people I know. An old teacher. Seems there’s an event at this library.
I catch up with LO and I take her by both hands. I’m semi-lucid by this point. I say to her ‘So tell me about this man you’ve fallen in love with’ and she tells me his name is Michael O’Reilly (which I swear is the name of a Humphrey Bogart character) and he’s really sweet. She starts describing him and I get the sense that she’s describing me. I still have her by the hands and I’m beginning to say ‘You know, LO, I’ve always loved…’
And then I woke up sweating
So vivid..and sad. I hope this is part of the healing process.
Ha ha, that’s a great dream! I had several dreams about my LO but my dreams are all stupid. What do you expect? My limerent brain is a total idiot.
In waking life I’ve been noting all the ways in which LO is toxic for me. Last night I had my first nightmare about LO. In the dream I got a phone call from LO’s number and answered it and said hello, but he couldn’t hear me. Instead of a dialogue with him, it was like my phone had become an audio surveillance device through which I could listen in on LO’s activities without his awareness. I felt sick but I kept on listening. He seemed to be off on a weekend trip with a woman whose voice I could also hear, seemingly a partner or ex that he keeps secret from me and other people who know him in our community. It sounded like he was engaging in shady transactions involving illicit drugs and stolen property. I tried to end the call and the phone would not let me. I tried to turn the phone off completely and it would not let me do that either. I carried it around with me trying to muffle the sound to keep my SO and other people from hearing it and thinking badly of LO. When I woke up, I felt sick, embarrassed, ashamed and humiliated.
Thank you, subconscious.
Here’s a dream from early this morning. My cat woke me up so this was cut off before it got very far.
I met LO on the way to a recurring community gathering where we first met and got acquainted, where we often see each other, and where we sometimes sit together. I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring. I wanted to ask him about it but pretended not to notice. Even though I saw him noticing that I had noticed.
Now back to real life, where I have reason to believe LO has been secretly going through a separation and divorce that he does not discuss with me or others. He certainly does not wear a wedding ring. I also believe he initially sought me out, knowing I’m married, and is also drawn to other married women, because our unavailability protects him against the risk of intimacy and full, truthful openness about who he is and where he is coming from in his life.
So, what is my dream hammering home for me?
1. My acquaintance with LO has been a mentally exhausting and emotionally draining hall of mirrors.
2. It would hurt like hell to stop going to this gathering. I’ve been going there for years, I have a lot of friends there, and I was there first. Nonetheless, he’s now a fixture there and it’s the one place I can be certain to see him. So I may have to stop going there. I hate that idea. I feel like it’s tearing me apart.
No one but me can save me from this situation, though.
Whatever I end up doing to withdraw from it, I’m going to do under clinical supervision, because it hurts to be there and it hurts to think of staying away. It’s going to hurt and keep hurting for a long time.
I think the drugs are causing my subconscious to bubble up….
Last night I had a dream about LO #2. I don’t know where we were. It seemed like modern day except she was a redhead, again. She’s a natural redhead but went blonde in 1987 because she said she was going grey so fast she couldn’t keep it red. On FB, she’s flying as a blonde.
In the dream, we kissed. I said, “I don’t know why we couldn’t make it work all those years ago.”
The next thing I remember was she was framed in a doorway like she was turning to leave. She said, “We were pretty insecure back then.”
I replied, “One of us was.” End of dream. The therapist said her abandonment issues wouldn’t let her trust me so the dream was no great revelation. My dreams keep telling me things I already know.
I love Roy Orbison. I recently watched the 1986 movie “Blue Velvet” where I heard this song. The movie puts an odd spin on it. LO #1 was a tall blonde. Laura Dern reminds me of her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPqZs7Vl_xg
In my experience, when someone is on my conscious mind, as LO often was/is, they won’t show up in my dreams. It’s only when they’re not on my mind as much that they make an appearance. Because of that, I’ve only had about four dreams where LO was featured in any way.
The worst was when I dreamed I was at work and I could see LO coming, but he refused to enter my workplace, so I went out to see him. He was sitting on a bench with other people and I sat down right next to him. Neither of us said anything, then he abruptly got up and went over to talk with a coworker of mine. The two of them talked and then they both looked over at me with looks of disgust/annoyance on their faces. I immediately got off the bench and walked out into the rain and made my way home. That’s when the dream ended.
I felt so horrible after that one.
I just had a horrifying dream that LO had a boyfriend. Which is something I’m not certain of in real life.
On a lighter note, here’s a Wikipedia article on noradrenaline, a hormone limerents have been found to have elevated levels of.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norepinephrine
It might be useful in explaining how some things are working, depending on how stressed you are. I, for example never knew until I read this that my LE was indirectly causing me terrible abdominal pain based on inhibition of gastrointestinal motility. I hope that doesn’t last long.
There’s also something in there about dopamine being the direct predecessor to noradrenaline, which is relevant to ‘wanting versus liking’. I couldn’t understand the part about the relation of endocannabinoids to the function of the sympathetic nervous system, but it might be interesting.
Okay, this is getting ridiculous now.
I’m f***ing depressed after today, I knew Maths would screw me over. I sit within earshot of LO, who frequently talks to her friend and it makes me nervous when she does as she has to look in my direction.
But today I heard them talking about someone setting her up with someone else. I now don’t care about anything and it’s taking some will power just to write this here.
This was the day after I had that dream (above). Scary. But the worst part is I’m STILL trying to rationalise it. And it’s WORKING. How the f**k dies that happen?!
I don’t feel like anything right now and I hate my life. I’m just hoping to use this as fuel to fight back.
We are in this with you AL! Why would you allow LO to have such a power over your wellbeing? I wish you had someone irl you could talk to and get support from. Continue writing here if that’s helping you.
AL, it’s tough, and it sucks that you can’t avoid or escape LO. Do you have any “end date” that you can grasp where your ways will part? Sounds like you are studying or in school, so that time is over eventually!
Until then, distraction, distraction, distraction… focus on other things, do something purposeful, keep your mind busy with other things!
Limerence will fade and one day you will look back on this and it won’t get your emotions all boiled up. It will just be a memory (I keep telling that myself.. one day…)
Sarah, I do have an ‘end date’.
Two years from now.
And if I feel like this after just over 1 year, how am I supposes to cope with the next two? Like I said, I really hope I can use what happened yesterday as some sort of motivation.
I can’t find it right now, but somewhere DrL talks about strategies to get over LO, and one was to find a new LO… not that I suggest to replace one addiction with another, but maybe trying to find a new LO will help getting your mind off your LO?
Try to not think about LO as hard as you can, push any thought related to LO away. Distract your mind. It will fade. I bet you, it will not take the two years and “natural” separation/NC for that to happen.
Sarah, I’m really not looking to transfer my LE. And I believe the post you’re thinking of is ‘How to get rid of limerence’.
Aside from that, today didn’t go that badly. My brain has chosen to push what happened to the back of my mind so I don’t think about it, and I didn’t look at her a lot, only by happenstance. (I was just walking or standing and she appeared a few times.)
I hope this means I won’t be that affected by what happened, and that I’m doing better with this whole thing. Maybe I felt a lot worse in earlier days when I’d had a day like this, but I think I’ve accepted that stuff happens, and sadness and anger are what limerence is. So I think I’m okay right now.
Hey AL,
Glad today is going okay. I’ve mentioned it before, and it’s easy to say, but I do think you need to focus on self-esteem rather than limerence. I don’t know if you have a school counsellor, but talking to them about low self-esteem might be a good start. No need to mention limerence at all – just the feelings of sadness and anger. They might have some constructive suggestions.
As Scharnhorst mentions – and having been an adolescent male myself – this period in life is hard going. But it does pass.
It sounds like you’re getting stronger, AL.
AL,
As a young adolescent male, all kinds of things are going on with you. Under the best of circumstances, you could still be all over the map. As you mature physically, the limerence may take care of itself. Your hormones could be in overdrive. There going to be a lot of things coming at you in the next few years.
My father trained me pretty well but he missed a few things. I’ll try to tell this story in the least crude manner but if DrL wants to delete it, it won’t offend me.
I was playing putt-putt golf with the girl I was dating my senior year. Suddenly, it felt like someone had put my testicles in a vise. I could barely walk and almost passed out trying to get the golf ball out of the hole. She asked if I was ok. I told her I’d be fine. After I got home, I asked my father what was happening. He started laughing and said, “Blue balls, I forgot to tell you about that.” He told me to take a cold shower or otherwise relieve myself. He also said, “In spite of what your friends may tell you, you really won’t die.”
Tomorrow it’ll be a week since I disclose my feelings to LO and had my propose rejected by her. Since then I’ve been trying to process everything as it started and as it has come to an end, and I’m making the effort to forget about everything, but I still don’t know exactly how it’s going to be seeing LO from now on knowing that she knows I was interested and also knowing it’s not going to happen. So, maybe this has acted as fuel for the dreams I had tonight related to her.
It was basically three dreams, or one dream divided in three parts.
#1) I was playing hide and pick with some children, and for some reason no one thought it was strange for an adult to be playing with the children. This dream/part finished when I had successfully hidden and “won” the play just before LO would be the next one to be searching around for the hides.
#2) After this I found myself talking to a young girl who didn’t resemble LO physically speaking but it was assume it was her in the dream, and she was blushed for talking to me, like as if she was trying to hide her feelings without being able to do it.
#3) In the third part of this dream we were informed there was a giant monster coming to the city (talk about Hollywood movies) and I was ready to defend LO from it, and I was even able to do so, like as if I had super powers or so much more strength than a plain human being.
Hey Ulysses, I think dreaming about LO is quite natural as obviously your brain is processing a lot about LO consciously and unconsciously. I personally wouldn’t read too much into the dreams and what they mean. But that is my personal opinion, I know that others see it differently with regards to interpreting dreams.
And in terms of facing LO knowing that she knows you were interested: treat her as “normal” as possible, like any other colleague so that it takes off any sense of weirdness. You told her how you feel, she told you how she feels, it’s all been said.
You’ll still need some time to fully get over LO, but hey, you have taken action to remove uncertainty.
I would say, on the contrary, do pay close attention to what happens; it could tell you a lot about your situation. I pay close attention to my LO dreams because they often warn me about what’s going to happen on the LO front the following day. It sounds weird, and it is, but they do.
Sarah, I’m trying to be as neutral as possible with LO when I pass by around where she is, greeting her with a polite “Good morning/afternoon/evening”, “Everything ok?” and so on, but I’m really working towards stopping all unnecessary contact besides these greetings and respecting her as a person, like not pretending she doesn’t exist, for example. But I have to face it throughly: LO is not interested and we won’t be getting any further in a relationship, so I have stopped giving her too much attention, and also I don’t want to flirt with her anymore. In essence I’m killing the interest I have in her in small steps, preventing my limerent brain to think there’s still hope. LO, on the other hand, is really acting as if nothing has happened, for it might be probably much easier and natural for the part who wasn’t interested in the first place, and then she is just as friendly as she always was before the disclosure. I think this is what she meant when she said “Let’s keep talking (just as friends)”, and I answered her that I would like to “talk” with but not in that sense of the word.
But it can’t be helped. Like Dr L says, we can’t be authentic friends to our LO. So I can’t keep being the same with her as before.
I feel she’s getting the message, that I’m actively avoiding all opportunities to have a one on one conversation with her now on. It’s just so weird. I think it would be best if she would do the same too. If not anything more, she’ll probably get a feel that the feelings I had for here were for real (or for Limerence, you mind it). Not that I’m using this to make her feel bad, not really. I hate manipulation and manipulators, so I don’t see myself in that light, or darkness. What I’m really doing is just being a passive observer, seeing what happens as it happens and the way it happens.
Of course it’s too early to make any assumptions on how this LE will end, but I bet we’ll go back to acquaintances level. Weird as it may be, everyone will probably notice there’s something amiss in how we used to talk before and how we are not as engaged anymore. But that’s what limerence looks to be all about: weirdness. There’s nothing normal about limerence, so this other side effect is probably just one more item of the package.
Hey Ulysses, I think you are doing the right thing. Be friendly, but reducing contact. As you say, you can’t be an authentic friend to LO, and it seems you also don’t see a benefit for yourself to keep trying to be “just” friends.
Putting myself into her shoes, it may be weird for her to. But I think if she continues as before “as normal as possible” is probably best, I think I would do the same. In the end, she didn’t have stronger feelings for you so she continues as before as for her nothing changes on that sense, other than knowing you liked her. By being the same I think that’s probably the best she can do.
But as you say, totally legitimate for you to retract and back off. I think that’s the best you can do for yourself!
Article of the Day: https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2019/12/the-honest-truth-is-that-good-relationships-dont-end-and-romanticizing-the-past-is-only-keeping-you-stuck/
“Except we have to — this is often how we become who we were meant to be. Not when we spend time in the aftermath of a breakup just scheming on how we could piece it all back together, but imagining what opportunity we may have been given now that we have our lives back, we have our futures back, we were given a second chance.”
So, why is it here in “Limerence Dreams?” In one of the many dreams I’ve had about LO #2 over the years, this one relates. In the dream, LO #2 was talking to her father about me. He told her that she never took the chance on me. Her response to her father was, “If I had, I’d never become who I’m meant to be.” That dream is at least over a decade old.
Scharnhorst, I love this article, thanks for posting.
“I don’t care how absolutely perfect for one another you were. I don’t care how many promises were given, how many intimate secrets shared, how much time you spent together, how much you trusted that person. If your relationship was everything you think it was, it wouldn’t have ended in the first place. People do not walk away from good relationships.”
I am gonna bookmark that!
Tomorrow is my xmas party. Lunch with LO (and our group of 4 tomorrow got moved, to a date I cannot make it. Too bad). So I thought I was gonna see LO and it would be good preparation for the evening party, but it’s not happening. I actually do suspect that LO might not even show up to the party. Not his thing, if he hasn’t anyone dragging him to it (Like I did 2 years ago). Who will be there for sure is LO’s LO though, and it already pisses me off thinking about her, which pisses me off that she still raises some emotions in me. But oh well, gonna suck it up, keep conversations with her short and move on to enjoy my evening. So if LO is not there, and I can’t meet for the other lunch, I will not see LO this year anymore. Our last conversation was still “when will I see you again?” “I don’t know…” that was beginning of November. Haven’t heard from him since. I like that ending.
Pleased you’re staying strong Sarah! Even if LO is there. Who cares anyways. Your way past this and are far better than his crazyness.
As for his LO.. don’t be bitter or pissed off. Rather her than you hey! X
Thanks Rachel, life is too short to be angry. Focus on the beauty of life.
Happy New Year!
Aside from the annual Xmas run through of LO #2 declining my marriage proposal and the 4th Anniversary of saying goodbye to LO #4 yesterday, it was pretty quiet limerence-wise over the holidays. I did have one dream about LO #4.
In the dream, I was on a business trip. I think it was to some Latin American country. I don’t know exactly where I was or why I was there but I was where I was supposed to be doing what I was supposed to be doing.
I was wandering around near the hotel after dark. I was standing in front of a building. Down the block, I could see a band assembling and people starting to gather. It looked like they were getting ready for some neighborhood parade or festival.
I went inside the building and who should I run into but LO #4! She was dressed in a black top, black slacks, and casual shoes. She looked like a tourist. Unlike some other dreams, she knew me in this dream. She was staying in the same hotel that I was. It was like running into an acquaintance in an airport. The building was holding an expo on the refugee industry. There were non-profits and all kinds of vendors showing off everything from port-a-potties to disposable blankets. The building was old and looked like where they exhibit farm animals at a country fair. It had a main aisle and most of the exhibitors were set up in stalls. It was late and there weren’t a lot of people.
We decided to check out the exhibit together. I don’t remember us talking much, if at all. We got to the end and turned around to come back. I told LO #4 that I wanted to take a picture I could post on FB because nobody would believe I’d be at an expo related to refugees (true, nobody would.) I took the picture. It came out smudged. There was a fingerprint on the lens. I asker her to wait a second. It seemed to take forever to clean the lens. When I was done, she was gone. I went back to entrance. I waited a few minutes thinking maybe she went to the ladies room or something. Nada. I went outside and that’s where I start making mistakes.
I looked around didn’t see her. Up the block, I could see a crowd going up the street and heard music. The festival had started. LO #4 had ditched me. If she’d wanted to be with me, she’d have stayed or, at least, waited. She could have gone anywhere. The point is, she didn’t stay. But, that thought never occurred to me. Like the first dream in which she’d ditched me and I almost drove my car off the cliff, I assumed she had joined the festival crowd and, instead of going back to the hotel, I decided to try to catch up with her. Even in my dreams, I’m a slow learner.
The crowd was larger than it appeared and I wasn’t able to make my way through it. LO #4 is a 5’9” redhead and should have really stuck out in this crowd. But, I didn’t see her. The crowd went down some steps to a below street-level area of shops, cafes, etc. The passage narrowed and I wasn’t able to make any progress through the crowd. Suddenly, I felt a sharp sting. Some kid had poked me in the fanny with a wooden sword. The kid’s mother apologized.
At this point, I decided to head back. It hit me that I couldn’t remember the name or address of the hotel. But, if I could get back to the expo hall, I should be able to find it. I hadn’t paid a lot of attention to where I was while I was following the crowd. After trying to retrace my route, I took the stairs to the street. It was broad daylight and I had no idea of where I was. I’d spent all night chasing someone who’d ditched me. I woke up.
Unlike the other dream, there was no sense of impending doom. It was just a complete waste of time and effort. Trying to follow this woman still got me lost and gained me nothing.
Happy New year everyone.
Wow Scharnhorst, so 4 years on you are still metaphorically “searching” for LO#4 and have feelings of abandonment.
“Trying to follow this woman still got me lost and gained me nothing.” It’s funny how the brain works and what messages it’s trying to send your subconscious.
I always have searching dreams, looking for objects, looking for my SO or children, being lost in strange crowds/cities. The other biggie for me is dreaming I am with my family fleeing a tsunami/fire and or massive storm. Dr Freud would have a field day with that!!
@Scharnhorst
Interesting. My approach to dream interpretation is to pay attention to the symbolism of many of the details (I think the unconscious parts of the brain speaks in symbols rather than words). If they really resonate they are usually telling me something about what I need in my life. For example, you started out far from home, in a strange place, out in the dark, somehow disconnected from your home and your purpose for being there. You connected with her, but all she showed you was the dismal practicalities of living as a refugee. You went to a festival but didn’t connect with it or enjoy it because you were looking for her, and ended up, now in full daylight, even more lost. You had neither the comfort of home, or purposeful activity, or the pleasure of a party. I would interpret that as my wise inner self sending me an urgent message: forget about her, this person is a total dead end, pay attention to those other, more important things.
In my dream last night I was at an old job and it was my daughter’s christening but my other daughter was at school. The day for the christening changed chang and I asked LO to bring my daughter from school as I was busy doing the party stuff. The whole christening went by with out my LO and my daughter. When I went to leave I saw my LO and his SO with my daughter. I was so upset that LO and my daughter missed it. I was screaming at LO, crying and couldn’t believe he could do this to me. He walked away with his SO laughing at me… What does this mean I wonder. I have lots of dreams about LO and his SO laughing at me.
“I would interpret that as my wise inner self sending me an urgent message: forget about her, this person is a total dead end, pay attention to those other, more important things.”
I agree with it except for the urgent part. At times in my life I have had dreams or experiences that I took as warnings to raise the shields ahead of some impending attack but I don’t see any attacks coming.
The therapist’s theory is that I have a thing for women taking off on me, starting with my mother. How important can you be if your mother takes off on you? How important can you be if the woman you ask to marry you takes off on you? How important can you be if the woman who reached out to you (admittedly inappropriately) takes off on you? In the last one, doing the right directly clashed with that insecurity.
The therapist thinks a lot of the problem is my refusal to get past that and focus on the woman who didn’t take off on me.
@Scharnhorst I certainly wouldn’t contradict your therapist! As you say, there seems to be a larger pattern, and possibly you’re fixated on reliving that pattern, over and over again, trying to heal it.
I understand how your mother’s actions would have messed you up, badly. To me, it would suggest finding ways to confirm your self-importance to yourself, regardless of what any d**n woman thinks (or appears to think). It was your mother who was the loser in life, not her innocent little boy.
I recently dreamed about my LO. In my dream, she was pregnant by her new boyfriend.
Yay!
My dreams are more straight forward: I was fairly innocently cuddling with LO and as I touched his six pack, he pushed me away.
I woke up thinking, I actually don’t (consciously) want to touch LO anymore, so complete pointless dream. I take it as a memory in my brain that just happened to surface. No meaning, no impact. Bye LO.
I have not heard of LO, no happy new year message etc. and I also had various opportunities to bring up LO in conversations to other people, but I didn’t. 2020 is LO free 😊 I am leaving this in 2019.
This is great! It’s over and you are on your way to freedom sarah!
And you can too, Rachel! Be rude, ignore LO!
I’m gonna find that very hard if I’m honest but I can’t see any alternative. I’ve removed myself from social media so contact is low as possible.
So, in last night’s episode, our hero is in the lobby of a professional building. The reception desk is U-shaped with multiple receptionists/agents.
My turn comes up and I’m talking to the receptionist at roughly the 5 o’clock position. The receptionist to my left looks very familiar. I asked if she’d lived on LO #2’s street. She said she had. I asked if it was in the apartment beneath LO #2’s apartment. She said it was. Here’s the thing, no such woman existed in real life. I have no idea where she came from in my head. In the 4 years LO #2 was in that apartment, I don’t remember ever seeing one of her neighbors let alone meeting any of them.
The woman said, “You were LO #2’s boyfriend” and said, LO #2 was “right over there” and pointed behind her. And, she was. Talking to one of the other receptionists. Before I could say anything, the woman calls out, “[LO #2], your ex-boyfriend is here.” LO #2 stands up, looks at me, and comes around the desk. She’s wearing a calf-length dress and low Doc Martens. Totally appropriate for the workplace but the Doc Martens aren’t something I would have expected to see her in.
She comes over to me and pretty much all that comes out of my mouth is, “You’re looking really good.” She came back with, “Is that what you came here to tell me?” I was thinking I didn’t come there to tell her anything but the alarm went off before we could continue the conversation.
I got nothing on this one.
Sorry Scharnhorst, I don’t have anything constructive to add either.
Do you dream about your LO’s often? I don’t , very rarely.
Periodically but not frequently.
With the exception of the very intense dreams I had after LO #2 & LO #4 sent the FB requests, they’re pretty benign.
One of the best ones was when I dreamt I walked into the cafeteria at work to see LO #4 and the non-LO co-worker I was crushing on having coffee together. It was one of those “Oh, sh-t!” moments.
So, I said not long ago that I had never had a dream about my LO (well not one I remembered anyway). That was true until this morning, when I awoke quite upset after dreaming that my brother was dating both my current LO and the last LO I had over 20 years ago simultaneously. I felt incredibly betrayed, and it took me quite a while to realize it wasn’t real. It took quite a while for me to get over the upset and realize it wasn’t real. After that I couldn’t sleep so I got up really early. The funny thing is my brother isn’t into dating at all these days and he has been my confidante about my LO. The funny thing is I maybe felt slightly more upset and jealous about my previous LO from 20 years ago than my current one. Another weird thing is both of my LOs in my dream lived next door to each other and my brother was visiting a dog park with both of them simultaneously in the dream (both ladies are dog people, as I am). Any ideas as to what this is telling me or is it complete nonsense? By the way, this dream included my brother, not my brother in-law, who features prominently in my current LE.
Sorry this one was so poorly written – maybe because my SO is sitting next to me on her device!
I haven’t dreamt about my any of my LOs in quite awhile. But, I had one about LO #2 last night.
This dream was different. I don’t remember how we encountered each other but we were in the present. Unlike other dreams about LO #2, this one wasn’t confrontational or acrimonious. I wasn’t looking for any answers this time.
We talked like old friends and ex-lovers. She was married and I was married and we were both happy with that. I brought up what I’d left on the table and she brought up what my subconscious thinks she left on the table. One weird thing was she said she’d had a child which to my knowledge she doesn’t but, hey, it’s a dream. One therapist said our last meeting wasn’t a goodbye, it was a fight, started by me. This may be the goodbye I should have had.
It was the first truly pleasant dream I’ve had about LO #2 in 30 years.
I had another dream about LO #2 last night. I have no idea what’s driving them.
In this dream, I’m in my driveway and a large flatbed truck pulls in with something on it, I don’t remember what but it was pretty big, like you’d need a crane to lift it. The driver got out and said he had a delivery. I wasn’t expecting anything. When I looked at the paperwork, it was the wrong address. The driver apologized and got back into the truck.
As he was getting ready to leave, LO #2 pulls up. I wasn’t expecting her, either, but we didn’t seem surprised to see each other. We embraced and I said, “We never had a proper goodbye.”
She said, “We could make one.”
I replied, “Neither of our spouses would likely approve of that.”
Then the alarm went off. I hate it when that happens in a dream. It’s like I’m almost letting go of things after all this time.
It’s been awhile since I’ve had any dreams about my XLOs. Last week, my doctor made a medication adjustment. She said one of the potential side effects was vivid dreams. The medication is OTC and legal everywhere.
Last night, I had a dream about LO #2. In the dream, I went to her place to help her dig out from a recent snowfall. We haven’t seen in each other in over 30 years and we live 2500 miles apart. She didn’t seem surprised to see me. She wasn’t either happy or annoyed.
Her place had steps to the street. I was at the sidewalk using the snow blower while she was at the top of the steps. Her long-time BF, now husband, arrived He didn’t seem surprised to see me and we waved. I finished and was waiting inside the house for her. She and her husband talked awhile and he drove off. She came in, thanked me for the help, and said goodbye.
I asked her if we could have a hug since we didn’t have one when we said goodbye 30+ years ago. I just got out of her car, walked away, and didn’t look back. She said, “Sure,” and hugged me. I started to cry. I was listening to see if she was crying also. She wasn’t.
She took my face in her hands and said, “It’s all right. We did OK for ourselves,” and walked away. She was comforting me.
When I think about my dreams about her, until she got remarried, they were all in the Bargaining or Anger stages of grief. In none of them had we ever not broken up or ever reconciled. Since she got remarried, her husband has appeared in every dream I’ve had about her and we get along well in them. We never discuss the past. We don’t become friends in any of them or renew the acquaintance but the rancor is gone. I knew when she got divorced the first time and I wonder if I’d been subconsciously holding out some weird kind of hope that we might reconcile.
Now, that’s she’s moved on, it’s like I can let go, too.
Ooh, old dreams are always fun to discuss. I have so very few dreams these days.
I had a recurring dream about my LO. I was always searching for him in the school playground and couldn’t find him before the bell rang, meaning I had to go back to class, my desire to see him unsatisfied. LO had “vanished off the face of the earth”. I think the meaning of this dream is pretty straightforward.
Like Jaideux, I had some toilet-related dreams during limerence, which might relate to feelings of anxiety or shame or stress or “emotional incontinence”. Common images were blocked toilets or toilets that would overflow if I flushed them. I think all the plumbing imagery relates to blocked/out-of-control emotions. I certainly felt enough anxiety around public/school toilets as a kid.
Dreamt once that LO and his girlfriend were husband and wife (before they actually married in real life) and brought a house next door to me. LO and his SO were in a white car parked outside the front of my house. I walked over to the car to welcome them to the neighbourhood. Didn’t interact with LO at all, but his SO turned out to be a giant wooden doll sitting in the backseat, dressed in a beautiful wedding gown and veil. (I’m not sure if that’s wish fulfilment. Did some unpleasant part of my unconscious want LO’s partner “out of the picture”?)
Sometimes had dreams in which I ran into LO while swimwear shopping – think this reveals my largely-repressed physical attraction toward LO. (A desire to see him in tight/skimpy clothing perhaps?)
Also, had a dream about another male who ALMOST became my LO. I used to dream of him in ripped clothing and his flesh beneath the clothing was solid gold. He was like a god/alien/statue. Very strange dream and I would wake up afterwards feeling euphoric. The dream alone was enough to give me a high.
During limerence, at times, I couldn’t remember LO’s face clearly either. In dreams, his face was a beautiful blur, a fiery outline. I think this face-blurring effect is a result of rumination. Gazing at LO is like gazing at the sun. If you stare too long at any image or painting, it starts to become hazy in your mind. Oddly enough, out of limerence, I can remember LO’s average-looking face just fine.
I am so glad I am not the only one who had “dreams du toilette”. Happily mine are now long gone.
I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamt that my original LO came up to me and started bragging about how he was now going to be part of my study group.
He’d won over the other members or something. (The dream had a vague school-like feel to it). Being the gracious (or naive) person I am, I opened my arms and said, “Welcome”. However, when I hugged him, I didn’t feel any euphoria. I didn’t feel much of anything. It was like hugging any other friend. He had gone back to being an ordinary person for me. There were no fireworks … no sexy sparks.
I think that means the limerence spell cast by this particular man has been broken. Even in my dreams, he’s just a regular guy again. 😛
Apparently, it’s weird dream week…
I have had two interesting dreams with roughly the same themes.
tl/dr
Dream 1: My wife and I were out. The girl I should have dated in HS walked by had I not been the idiot I was, then [I’m much older now but can still be an idiot]. She was wearing a mauve midi-dress and looked preoccupied. My wife said to go talk to her.
I went up to her and introduced myself. She smiled and gave me a slight hug. Overall, the expression on her face was pretty flat. I would have expected more from someone I hadn’t seen since the late 70s. Something like, “Wow! What a surprise! What have you been up to for the last 45 years?” None, of that. I asked her a few of those questions and I got cursory and vague responses. She wasn’t interested in talking to me.
Dream 2: I was standing on the bank of [name omitted]. I’m 2500 miles from home and I have no idea where my wife and kids are or if I’m even married. LO #4 lives/lived on the other side. I was supposed to deliver something to her. It was a key ring with two keys on it. The key ring was attached to something like a circular medallion. I don’t remember what the medallion had inscribed on it. The keys were identical and looked like everyday house keys. They were in a Ziploc bag. I have no idea why I had them or how I got them. My job was to deliver them.
I was on foot. The [name omitted] is pretty wide and can get choppy. There was no bridge nearby and no boats or canoe. Somebody with the right training and the right gear could probably swim it, but I wouldn’t ever try it. But, I had no other choice so I started looking around for the narrowest point.
I noticed the tide was going out and a sand bar was emerging. People started going out on the sand bar to dig for clams and look for oysters. By the time the low tide ended, the bar went almost all the way across and getting across looked doable. I was able to wade the rest of way.
I got across and started walking along the beach. After a short distance, I realized that I was going north when I should have been going south. I pulled out my cell phone, which surprising survived its salt-water bath, put in LO #4’s address, made sure I still had the keys, and headed south.
I came upon something like a marina on the water. It turned out to be a Zen retreat. A man asked if he could help me. I told him I was looking for LO #4. He pointed up the bank and said that she lived up there. He told me to feel free to look around and take advantage of the place.
It had nice meditation rooms, small gardens, and sitting areas overlooking the water and mountains. It was serene and soothing.
I looked up and saw LO #4 coming down the stairs. She was wearing yellow walking shorts and a sleeveless blue top. I met her at the bottom of the stairs and introduced myself. She said, “Wow! Hi!” but her expression said, “What the hell are you doing here?!” Before, she could say anything else, I told her that I was supposed to give these to her and handed her the keys in the Ziploc bag. She looked at them and said, “Oh, ok. Thanks!” That’s it. So, I left. When I got back to the retreat, I looked up and she was sitting in a chair reading her book. Apparently, my sudden appearance didn’t freak her out too badly.
I went into a room to find a bunch of senior citizens, including my aunt, doing crafts. My aunt’s best friend was there. Her friend was murdered over a decade ago. She looked like Terry Kiser in “Weekend at Bernie’s.” I have no idea where that came from. My aunt does live in the PNW so seeing her was not totally outside the realm of possibility.
I asked my aunt where my mother was. My mother died in 1974. Instead of looking at me like I was crazy, my aunt told me my mother was at a nearby Indian casino and would be back later to pick me up. I had some time to kill.
I walked around. I came upon a place that offered Zipline rides. There were 3 guys in uniforms that made them look like a NASCAR pit crew. LO #4 was there with a young girl, 10ish, with long red hair. I think LO #4 was part of the crew. The kid looked like what I’d imagine LO #4’s daughter might look like if she had one, which I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.
I wanted to approach LO #4 and talk about what had happened between us but it was obvious that I’d be intruding if I did. So, I left. Then, I woke up.
Neither woman wanted to have anything to do with me. I’m not important to them. I have no idea why my subconscious feels the need to keep emphasizing this. But, it does.
The EAP counselor and I went through my mother and LO #4 in great detail but I’d almost be willing to pay to have that dream analyzed.
This sounds like the movie twilight… Edward telling Bella she is like his own personal heroine
One of my doctors recommended that I give CBD a shot. Now that I’m retired and no longer in a drug testing program, that’s an option. I’m still tinkering with brands and doses but I think I found one that gives me some really vivid dreams. The dreams aren’t either bad or good but they can be pretty weird.
So, last night, I’m dreaming that I’m having lunch with a former coworker. I do this about once a month so nothing out of the ordinary. Until, my former coworker says that he met my “red headed friend (LO #4)” in a bar. He knows nothing about LO #4.
The last known sighting of LO #4 put her 40 miles outside of Seattle. This encounter would have taken place in Virginia. I asked what she was doing there and he said, “She likes to drink.” OK, LO #4 did tell me once that she drank port until she passed out and, if you look at a description of INTJs, which LO #4 claims to be, it says that they’re prone to things like over drinking when under stress. Toss in that I work part time in a distillery now and booze could easily be on my mind. I asked my coworker what she was like. I never actually met LO #4. All he said was, “Well, she likes to drink.” That’s it.
I think that says a lot about my current state of limerence. The best that I can come up with in my dreams is a former coworker runs into an XLO in a bar.
It’s been awhile since I’ve had a dream about an LO that I can remember. I remember having a few but not the dream itself. Last night I had one I remember.
In this dream, I was on a trip by myself and was due to fly home the next day. I went to a diner to grab dinner. LO #2 and her husband arrived at the same time. She was returning from a trip and meeting her husband at the diner.
She introduced me and we took seats at the counter. I sat down first. She didn’t sit down next to me. She took a seat one stool over. Her husband sat between us. I don’t remember much about the conversation except that there was no tension and I spent most of the time talking to her husband.
I went to the men’s room and when I came back, there was an aluminum bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce on it. Her husband said, “Everything here comes with dessert” and said he’d taken care of the check.
We finished and got ready to leave. The goodbye was cursory. They left ahead of me. I turned around to grab my laptop which I’d left on the floor by the stool. A woman had already taken my seat so I had to excuse myself to grab it. When I started toward the door. LO #2 and her husband were just outside the door. She gave him a peck and said, “I’ll see you at home.” He went left toward his car, she went straight toward her car. I just stood there and watched her walk away. She never turned around. I thouight that she looked pretty good for 68.
I thought of the last time we saw each other 35 years ago this April. She dropped me off at the Seattle ferry terminal. That time, I walked away and didn’t turn around.
I think this is what acceptance looks like. It took a long time.