I love Spring. The world is warming up, the daffodils are out, and the sense of life renewing itself can’t help but make me feel optimistic.
Continuing the poetic theme:
In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.
tennyson
And a young woman’s too, no doubt.
What’s the point of all this waxing lyrical? It’s not just the nostalgic ramblings of a spring-addled fool, it’s also a cunning metaphor for different kinds of renewal.
I recently took a look at the analytics for the site, and discovered something surprising. More than half of all the people visiting LwL land on just two posts: what is limerence, and how to get rid of limerence. That means that the other half of all traffic is distributed (pretty evenly) across the remaining 212 posts.
In retrospect, this is predictable. This kind of wildly skewed distribution happens all the time in nature – in economics, biology, physics, even arts and entertainment. A tiny proportion of all the creative output of the world gets a disproportionate amount of attention. The rest is only enjoyed by the true enthusiasts.
Applied to this site, I think it tells me two things. First, people arrive here after they have discovered the word “limerence,” and then Googled it to find out more. Second, once people arrive, those that feel they have found their tribe work their way through the back catalogue of limerent musings.
In many ways, I’m happy with this situation. It was always my intent to just share my thoughts and hope that fellow travellers would find me. But, there is also a nagging doubt that there are lots of limerents out there who would benefit from learning more about the way they experience romantic love, but simply have no idea that limerence as a concept and condition exists.
So, over the next few weeks, as Spring fever grips the northern hemisphere, I’m going to try an experiment. I’m going to go back to fundamentals and write about limerence from the perspective of someone who has never heard the term. To write posts that answer the questions of people who are wrestling with obsessive infatuation, but don’t know what to call it. To open new gateways into the site, with a big welcome sign over the door, for people who are suffering under the weight of person addiction and would benefit from somewhere to weather the emotional storm and make sense of what’s happening to them.
Let’s see what happens. Will Google send them our way? Will we find new recruits to the limerent army?
I hope so, because once we get their attention, we can sit around the fire and share our war stories.
I would have thought it would be closer to a Pareto distribution.
Do the analytics also give a comment distribution? You might have to normalize against how long the blog’s been on the site. I think that distribution would be even more skewed.
I’d be curious as to the mean and median posts/blog.
Once we assemble the the limerent army, what is our mission? To wage a planned attack on the bad LOs? I’m kidding, but I’ve often wondered, with the people who have affected us so deeply but have been, at best, lukewarm to us, how do get at them? I found out through a mutual friend years after things ended with one of my LOs that he he’d gotten married but found out within months she was cheating on him, and he’d gone right to a divorce lawyer. He had treated me pretty badly, and the mutual friend said, “Do you feel better now? He got his in the end.” And I said, “No. I wanted to affect him. What do I care if someone else did.”
I think this is a brilliant idea. I repeatedly wallowed, exulted and agonized in limerence for many years until during my most recent (and final, by golly! ) episode an aware friend nonchalantly mentioned “have you heard of limerence? I really think you should research it.” That was a pivotal and life changing piece of advice that eventually led me here, where I have stayed, even if now as a recovered limerent I just pop in to say hello and get a tune up.
What if I had known of limerence years ago? How would a different set of life’s permutations shaped me? What if I had escaped the psychological damage of toxic limerence sooner ? I would have missed out on adventures I had with my last LO and his family, but no doubt would have had others ones that wouldn’t have been laced with limerent poison and heartbreak.
So, Yes! May the limerents of the world find LwL!
I wish I could remember what I Googled in order to find this website! Not sure it would help, but I certainly think your theory about why so many people read those two posts first is most likely correct. I’ve Googled “limerence” along with so many other combinations in the past though, and only recently discovered this site. Maybe it was “limerence and OCD” or “limerence and anxiety” or “limerence and addiction” because that’s where the rabbit hole has led me as of late. Anything that raises awareness of limerence is beneficial in my opinion, especially since so many therapists don’t seem to be aware of it at all. It’s such a specific “condition” and it helps SO MUCH to know what it is and to know what to do about it. I find it problematic that as I’m looking over this comment, the word “limerence” is the only word not recognized by the spell check LOL. Let’s get the word out!
Why don’t you try Google “how to look after your family and leave other’s family alone”? In all your selfishness and sickness, you have destroyed other families already. I think we (“LO” & the other half) know who you are and what you are capable of. Stay away from us and stop these stupid posts here. Go get treated and get a life.
Not sure why you have directed this venom at B, F. But this site is all about doing what you are asking (demanding?) – figuring out what limerence is, how to manage it, and how to get life back on track.
Weird that you should be so hostile towards that project.
I’ll chime in to support Dr. L and add that the only person limerence hurt in my situation was me. My husband and I were already on our way to divorce when I had my LE.
Also, I’ve seen posts from people who have said the advice on this site saved their marriage.
I’ve never struggled with alcohol or drugs. My life has been “normal” and most would consider me an upstanding citizen.
L knocked me off my feet. Most on this site are trying to get through something that’s hard to understand. I wouldn’t have believed in it a few years ago.
I believe it now.
At the very least, this could be a very interesting experiment to take. I initially found about the term limerence on a website article about weirdly specific emotions that have its own names. It described it as “a state of infatuation with another person like on the beginning stage of a relationship”. Not exactly the whole dimension of the term, but it gave me enough of a starting point to eventually find this blog, so whatever effort that can me made to make it more accessible to newcomers will be worth it!
Totally! I think a strong – often overwhelming – desire to affect and be effected by others is another definition that resonated…I seek validation from my influence on others – my own self love is validated when I feel I can help others love themselves more fully. I want to make broken peoples hearts break open the way mine has to see the love that exists all around us.
2 weeks into my LE, I googled “how to end an infatuation”. One of the top results was an excellent article in Paired Life “11 Psychological Tricks to Quickly Get Over Infatuation” by Lucy Bain. She defined the term limerence and I immediately recognised myself.
(I still think point 11 in this article is among the best LE advice I have ever read!)
“Limerence” was my next google search and LwL was the top result.
Thanks so much for referencing this, Allie1, I’ve been looking for it for so long! The quote below has been the most impactful for me, in ‘de-escalating’ my limerence (but couldn’t remember the website it came from) .”This person has seen your soul, and has still decided that they don’t want to be with you”
That is so powerful. And helpful in it’s own stark way.
Interesting article. I had read another Paired Life article on limerence immediately prior to finding this site, but I don’t think I ever read that particular article. One thing I find interesting is how Lucy Bain basically advocates for the opposite of no contact. She seems to argue we should really get to know our LO as a way to help get over them by replacing our idealized view of the person and the ruminations with more realistic interactions so that we see the person as being more “human.” I guess that is an alternate to no contact. Has anyone tried this strategy? I think getting to know LO #2 is helping me a bit in many ways because I am starting to see there are things about her I’m not that keen on.
It might be a viable tactic for unattached limerents but for attached limerents, it’s a dangerous gambit. That route comes with risk.
You really don’t want to leave open the possibility of a comeback. Getting to know each other better may or may not get them out of your system and it may or may not get you out of theirs. They may not be interested now, but things change and you don’t want to be the person they reach out to if things go south for them. Trust me.
When I was talking to a married co-worker about LO #4, she said that for LO #4 to confide in any man was not the best idea but to confide in a married one was “…way inappropriate. It’s too just too easy for that to go sideways.”
My co-worker was right, it almost did go sideways.
Yes, I can definitely see the dangers here Scharnhorst, and there is obviously a difference there for attached and unattached limerents. Good point. That article seems to have been written more with unattached limerents in mind.
Yeah agree this is a risky strategy for partnered limerents. Not all LEs are based on idealised LOs – sometimes we know them and they a genuinely lovely, though flawed, human beings. Growing the connection, especially if the feelings are mutual… an achingly sweet temptation.
Saying that, failure is not guaranteed. It might actually work for some. It depends on how you both frame it mentally on you both exercising a lot of self discipline.
Wow thank you for saying that!! This person is a very good person and is helping me to have healthy boundaries with them … they are mutual feelings but I am just so much more expressive whereas they are more rigid with their boundaries
I think that focusing on the negative traits of your LO can certainly help, but simply exposing yourself to them is very risky.
My suspicion is that this idea comes from strategies that work for OCD. In that case, exposing yourself to sources of anxiety (like uncleanliness) while resisting the compulsion to engage in ritual can successfully desensitize you to the anxiety. The problem I see with that approach for limerence is that the neuroscience is quite different – the intrusive thoughts of OCD are usually a failure to properly manage irrational fears, whereas the intrusive thoughts of limerence are usually a motivational drive to seek reward.
Of course, in the later stages of limerence, anxiety can become a big feature of the intrusive thoughts too, but that again is usually about losing access to LO or them thinking badly of you, rather than anxiety about them per se.
Unfortunately, this is all based on extrapolation as we just don’t have data from limerents who were shoved into an MRI machine just before their intrusive thoughts began…
Yes. As an attached limerant, I can share that getting to know LO well only made me like him more. The “you only like the idealized version of LO,” argument has not resonated with me for that reason. I made the mistake of thinking I could “get him out of my system,” or get really close and finally see the flaws. Turns out, I like the flaws because I like him. I’m slowly coming around to no contact as my only option.
I think this is a perfect idea!
I found this site after searching “is this love or infatuation?” on an affair recovery site (after an EA). It was the first time I heard the term limerence, and it was a perfect diagnosis for what I was experiencing (and had experienced at other times in my life). Searching the term led me here, and this has been an absolutely invaluable resource in my healing and recovery. I think I read every single post in a weekend!
Limerence is such a hidden and confusing state, and anything that can reach more people who suffer with it, and help them to get unstuck, is a good and worthy thing.
Thank you Dr.L!!!
I cannot thank you enough for the incredible service you provide here. I truly feel you saved my life, my marriage and my family. Prior to learning the term ‘Limerance’ I was so incredibly lost- there is no other word for what had happened to me and how I could have literally ‘lost my mind’ to this state. I am an intelligent, educated, successful business person, wife, mother, respected community member and I see now how limerance knows no boundaries. How humbling to know I was so vulnerable and how incredibly delusional to think I was ‘above it all’ and ‘would never do such a thing’. I am also an analytical person and having your site to help understand, unravel and explore the origins of Limerance helped me crawl out of the hole that most likely would have ended my life. I was astounded by the professionalism and value of your ‘emergency reprogramming course’ and it was only a year ago that my morning routines involved long early day walks faithfully listening to the wise and soothing voice reliving this exceptional program. Here I am, around 16 months out and slowly coming to terms with my state and being acutely aware of my vulnerabilities which I can now identify as being present my entire life.
I will always be grateful for this site, your gift of writing and communication and the blogs which are a gift to the world, even if saying that sounds cheesy it is true.
Wishing you and all that find this blog a healthy spring and renewal of the heart and mind.
Beautifully and eloquently said Meredith. Completely agree! Lifesaving.
Thank you so much for your very kind words, Meredith. I’m really glad you got so much value from the site and the course.
It means a lot to me to hear this, so thanks too for taking the time to let me know. It’s much appreciated.
“the origins of Limerance helped me crawl out of the hole that most likely would have ended my life.”
Meredith is not exaggerating. When you feel that you cannot escape emotional pain that you don’t understand…suicide was in my thoughts.
I did not do the emergency deprogramming course as I had already taken steps – not always successfully – to maintain NC. I did buy the book, however, and donate to maintain the site.
This site gave me a name for the disorder, plus loads of information and other perspectives.
I hate what Limerence has done to my life, my sense of self. I hate that I still think about LO. Rumination has lessened but it’s still there.
“Meredith is not exaggerating. When you feel that you cannot escape emotional pain that you don’t understand…suicide was in my thoughts.”
@Beth. I think how limerence colonises every last spare inch of our minds is very, very distressing. It’s impossible to overemphasise the painfulness of the experience at times. Thank you for sharing all your lovely wisdom with us. Your words will hopefully help others. Sending you warm wishes. 🙂
Sammy,
Thank you for the kind words.
My best to you.
Thanks all, for the thoughts and suggestions. Great to hear that others think it’s a good idea too.
I’m looking forward to it – a chance to revisit the “early stages” again, and write for those who are just discovering the… mixed blessing that is limerence.
Oh boy do I wish it was a mixed blessing right now. Or any kind of blessing, for that matter LOL. I’m in a despair phase at the moment but I know this too shall pass!! I want to echo the words of others with regard to how valuable this site has been for me. It hasn’t been long since I discovered the site, but after reading so much about limerence over the past couple of years, it really helps to have a community of encouragement and just simply the feeling that I’m not alone. Thank you so much!
Yeah, “mixed blessing” probably needed scare quotes, eh? 🙂
It has been about 6 months since I posted. I decided to give in to my limerence as I just got tired of fighting it. Im married (just barely) and there has never been anything romantic with my LO. It has been carrying on for 1.5 years. We are sort of in business together, but not really. I have just used that to keep her in my life. So, about 6 months ago, I had the brilliant idea that I really was in love with her and to stop fighting it. That worked really well. After hundreds of petty arguments with her, much jealousy, manic bouts between being happy to be in her life, but mostly just feeling very down about it. She comes back, too, but for her own reasons.
Now, I probably am not as obsessed with her, but still think about her much more than is healthy. In all this time, I went NC for 1 week. My problem now is that I feel I have messed this up so royally and so badly for so long that the damage it has done almost seems irreversible. Almost. I keep telling myself there must be a solution. I tried everything at the beginning: this forum, journaling, stoic readings, throwing myself into work and sports. Now, I do not even have the energy for a new approach. I feel disgusted by my weakness. I wonder that 1.5 years of my life in this tortured state is not enough. I am still in touch with her daily, we meet up every now and then. There are no highs anymore to speak of. Its like I missed the bloody off-ramp and carry on down this monotonous road. I want out; I really do.
It’s never too late, Steve. Taking the purposeful perspective – you’ve now tested the idea that surrendering to the limerence would resolve the situation. The test results are pretty clear – it didn’t work.
So, try a new experiment. Take a tiny step to resist the habit. If your energy levels are low, then make it really small: delay your reply to her next contact by 30 min. That’s all. Then, the next day, push it to 1 hour.
When you are as badly beaten down by the emotional exhaustion as you sound, it’s best to aim for small wins. Just try and make a start on getting those small wins, and then focus on making them bigger…
That sounds like about as solid plan as I could hope for. Thank you Dr. L. Will hunt for a small win, then another!
I didn’t know Tennyson wrote that line. It wouldn’t look out of place in a Jane Austen novel, though she might have said it tongue-in-cheek, whereas I think Lord Tennyson was completely serious, a true romantic.
Going back to basics is a great idea. What is limerence? But what is it really? Even as someone who has experienced limerence, I can’t really describe it as anything other than “a special kind of infatuation”. It’s terribly hard to boil down into its core components. The magic happens when all those components come together and heat is applied. It’s a chemical reaction, like condensed milk turning into caramel. Sometimes the pot boils over and the caramel ends up on the ceiling!
I encountered this site while randomly googling “limerence”. I’ve read quite a few articles. I guess I’m in the “enthusiast” category. (Oh, how embarrassing!)
Actually, when I think about it, I realise I’m a serial limerent. I’ve experienced limerence continuously from puberty onwards. I could easily identify a dozen LOs, each LE lasting an average of 2 years. Some LEs might have lasted a little longer – 3-4 years. Some might have been as brief as 3-6 months. Because I’ve kept jumping from one LE to the next, it feels like the last quarter century has been one LONG LE, but that’s not strictly true. I have identified 2 women, 5 straight men and 5 gay men who have made me high. (I no longer have any idea what my sexual orientation is. Perhaps I should class myself as “an ecstatic”?)
Out of all those LEs, only one turned toxic, and induced feelings of despair. I don’t know why. Maybe I was just at a very susceptible age? Maybe that LO was unusually potent? Most likely, I just didn’t have another LO lined up when he left my life. In other words, I lost access to my “drug supply” and didn’t have a Plan B. I was forced into withdrawal, cold-turkey, and with no moral support. It was rough. Because I sort of blamed myself for what happened, it haunted me for a long time afterwards. (Was I at fault? Was he at fault? We were both/neither at fault?)
I have also come to the interesting discovery that a certain recreational drug some of my male friends use has side-effects very similar to limerence e.g. racing heart, dizziness, euphoria. In other words, if I come across a guy under the influence of this drug, I might mistake his strange behaviour around me for limerence. Yikes!
On a brighter note, I’ll never have to use recreational drugs, since my brain does a more-than-adequate job of making me feel high without outside help of a questionable nature. Now isn’t a little self-knowledge a wonderful thing? 😛
Real glad I found this site and like-minded people. Never knew such a word, feeling, existed and I feel relieved for the first time in a long time about all these previous ‘crushes’ I thought I had. I’m def someone who googled it and am now back tracking previous articles to help me cope while I try to seek professional help and try to become a mentally stronger and confident person. Thank you.
For almost 2 years I have searched (in private mode, of course) infatuation, lust, infidelity, passion, pheromones, crush, smitten, adultery…never came across “limerence” until today from an article in the guardian called “When you can’t quit a crush”. Limerence was a parenthetical link to this site. THANK YOU for this. Thank you to all who have shared their stories. I thought everyone felt love the way I did, in this euphoric obsessive way. I suffered through unrequited LOs for years. I finally snagged an LO and we married. I remember being broken hearted the first night we didn’t have sex, which was months after being together. I couldn’t bear the feeling of rejection. Seems ridiculous to me now, he was just tired, but I was bereft. He is not one of us. He’s just a good decent loving caring person. Over the 37 years we’ve been married, I never cheated, but there were 2 LOs. Both were tangential acquaintances so the torment was lessened because I finally figured out NC was the way to go. 4 kids, a happy marriage, then 2 years ago I got a new job and there he is. This magnet of a man. He is from the area I grew up in, so his accent brings back halcyon memories of my youth. He is my boss, so the power and authority is intoxicating, which I would resent from my husband, but somehow is just catnip from him. He laughs at my jokes, and sometimes is impatient with me, which just stokes the fire. He challenges me mentally and when I can deliver, when we banter and I impress him, oh the thrill of it. We don’t flirt or touch (well there was one handshake where neither of us let go…or was it just that I didn’t let go?) He is married 40 years with 4 kids and loves his wife. I love my husband. He has never indicated anything but respect and friendship. But can I replay every conversation we’ve ever had and read into them his undying devotion to me? You bet I can. Have I wondered if we could be FWB? Shamefully I have. The agony of it. The frustration and the tears. The waste of mental resources. Stupid stupid stupid! Nothing can come of this. Nothing should! Oh, but I rationalize, who would it hurt? Well, just everyone we love. Just our spouses, children, churches, families and coworkers. It isn’t real I tell myself. It’s the blanks you have filled in with fantasies of what he would say, what we would do. But the words he says I have put in his mouth. It is somehow masturbatory, isn’t it? To make this person do and say things you want them to do and say. That’s you speaking, not them. But he is part of it. The fantasy doesn’t work with any other person saying those things. Round and round I go, agonizing and pining, but the worst part is the thought of not having this euphoria. Going back to just boring married love. Ok, cue the guilt now. And for 2 years to not let on to anyone, to not say a word about this shameful secret love. So finding out what this is and that other people have it is such a relief. Just giving it a name helps. I’d never tell my husband. What good could come of hurting him? He would never understand. It would break his heart, he loves me in a normal married way. But the LO? I can’t quit him. I feel the rush and ride the wave without ever letting on. It is pleasure and pain. But I got over the other ones. They are distant memories that bring no angst. Eventually he will be a painless memory too, right?
“Eventually he will be a painless memory too, right?”
This is what I’m always trying to remind myself, too. Yes it will eventually fade but sometimes we might have to nudge that along. It’s tougher if he’s your boss, but I’ve started directing my attention to other things as soon as I start thinking about my LO. This LE has lasted 2.5 years and I’m clinging to the idea that LEs generally last 18 months to 3 years. Meanwhile, I’m working on it in therapy and the other day I purchased the Emergency Deprogramming course from this site. I’ve got to do whatever it takes to move on because I’m wasting so much time!
Hi Beth,
Thank you for your insight. Just sharing this burden has already been a help, and I so need this feedback (obsess much)? Yes, I must stop replaying the scenarios in my mind. Feeding the delusion is unhealthy. So I am eliminating the uncertainty that fuels the LE. It isn’t love, it isn’t real, he’s not obsessed with me. Today has been better. Let us know how the course goes.
Hi Shia. Welcome to the tribe! So many elements of your story echo mine! I am a happily married midlife mother with a married boss LO for nearly 1.5 years now. I also used to believe everyone experienced love the way I did. Finding out that is not the case made so much of my relationship history make sense!
“He is my boss, so the power and authority is intoxicating, which I would resent from my husband, but somehow is just catnip from him… sometimes he is impatient with me, which just stokes the fire… he challenges me mentally” Yes, yes and yes… me too for all of this! My LO is also a lovely, kind and thoughtful man who makes me feel cared for… just impossible to let go.
“but I rationalize, who would it hurt?”… oh all that rationalising… I relate completely.
So long as you still value and treat your SO well, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Having feelings for others during a lifetime of marriage is a normal and inevitable part of being human. It is your actions and intentions that count, not the passing show in your mind.
I am very lucky – I have made my SO aware of my LE and he accepts it comfortably, without feeling it means anything negative about our marriage. If anything, my honesty about it has enhanced his trust in me.
You are in the right place for support. The Emergency reprogramming course is excellent and if you apply them consistently, the techniques really work. Sometimes though, the real challenge is actually wanting to let go. Despite the slight craziness of it, I don’t, not yet at least.
Wishing you well.
Thank you for that, Allie–your SO must be a very special person. I have managed to stay professional and that is a small consolation. Although I came so close 3 weeks ago to actually calling him on a Saturday to disclose my crush. To find out one way or the other how he felt. “Get busy living, or get busy dying”. Thank God I didn’t make that call.
The thought of letting this go has been unbearable-I have never used any recreational drugs, but this experience made me empathetic to the plight of the addict. Why would anyone want to go into recovery if the drug makes them feel SOOOOO GOOOOD? The lows are a small price to pay for the highs.
But recognizing myself in reading all these posts, and the explanations from DrL. have already helped me to want to resolve this situation. I can see this pattern has repeated itself over and over in my life; I just thought it was “normal”. That you fell insanely in love and could think of nothing else but your beloved until finally, it fizzled out. Not having that manic high with my SO now for so long, when I felt it again, at my age, it was magic! I was young again, and desirable. And since I am moving toward old age, I thought this was my last shot at being in love again.
Understanding what this is has been so freeing. It isn’t any of that, it is the chemical-hormonal narcissistic juice that is driving me mad. If I genuinely loved my LO, I would want the best for him. That isn’t breaking up his marriage or disappointing his children. Is it possible to transfer these feelings back to your SO? Wouldn’t that be convenient to adore your spouse?
Now and then, I will read posts from others and I’ll think “that’s not Limerence.”
Maybe it’s a crush. Maybe it’s a neurotic relationship.
I think the defining characteristic for Limerence is rumination. The endless, unstoppable presence of that person in your mind. Every song, every movie. Bad traffic patterns. Anything, and everything, triggers thoughts of this person. It’s irrational.
Once in Limerence, you feel that you cannot get along without LO. You’re absolutely living for reciprocation.
And contact leads to the most intense high. That is intertwined with intense anxiety, even when contact leads to something positive.
Limerence is devastating and destructive.
Not gonna sugar coat it!
Did you ever see the movie “Unfaithful” with Richard Gere and Diane Lane? It is brutally honest and portrays the elation and the destruction so well. Diane Lane lives the fantasy with her LO, who is not in limerence. She finds out he has another bit on the side. Tears her up. But she can’t keep away from him. She neglects her child. Finally, her SO finds out. Tragedy follows. It is a cautionary tale.
Hi Shea,
Yes, that’s a powerful movie. I’ll say that I’m unsure whether it was limerence because he reciprocated her affection. She ended the affair, or tried to.
Had my LO continued to reciprocate, it would have continued or ended in a natural manner. Barriers and other circumstances turned my affection into limerence.
“I think the defining characteristic for Limerence is rumination. The endless, unstoppable presence of that person in your mind. Every song, every movie. Bad traffic patterns. Anything, and everything, triggers thoughts of this person. It’s irrational.”
@Beth. This is a timely reminder and I completely agree with you. Limerence is the obsession you can’t get away from, even when you want to. The person is on your mind 24/7. And, yes, it’s destructive psychologically.
I have spent a lot of time analysing my feelings toward people. I realise nearly all of my attractions involve The Glimmer and The Response and then they stop. There’s no uncertainty and so rumination never becomes a issue. I know the person either likes me or they don’t, and that’s the end of it. These attractions can be rightly called crushes.
Limerence is when one falls over the cliff into some kind of crazy parallel universe. I think the “inescapable rumination” thing has only happened once with me. However, things can get confusing, because crushes can sometimes produce feelings like “walking on air” and neurotic relationships can certainly involve a lot of emotional ups-and-downs. Sometimes, too, we want to believe that every attraction is the “real deal” of all-consuming love. We want to paint ourselves a deep and spiritual people. But you’re right to draw the distinction. 😛
What you write here is perfect:
“Once in Limerence, you feel that you cannot get along without LO. You’re absolutely living for reciprocation.”
Sammy,
“We want to paint ourselves a deep and spiritual people.”
We do! Nothing wrong with wanting big love. We have big hearts.
Once I had a killer crush on a co-worker. I was dating someone else so nothing happened for months. The attraction and my fantasies built. There was not rumination, however.
After my relationship ended (not my choice), I dated The Crush. We kissed once…nope. Fizzled then and there. 🙂
Limerence makes us anxious messes. Whatever LO is turned me into something I never wanted to be. A needy, lovesick fool.
I just discovered the term limerance today and my mind is blown, I’ve been struggling with this for about two years now and never knew it had a name or that other people experience it, I’ve been browsing these posts and feel very relieved, been wondering what on earth is wrong with me this whole time, I could write so much about my personal experience with this, looking forward to learning more about it
Hi Michelle,
Same for me. I have found a comfort just putting a name to this “condition” and finding other people in the same struggle. Just feel less alone. I couldn’t tell anyone about it for these almost 2 years, which added to the suffering. So now at least we can share here how bad it gets with others who understand. Best to you.