It’s summer in England, and after a crazy period organising return to work after the coronavirus lockdown (wwwaaaayyyy harder than organising going into lockdown), I’m finally looking forward to some holiday time. Which means more time to spend on the blog!
I want to use that time wisely.
The best way I can think of doing that, is to make sure I’m working on something that will maximally help the tribe – and for that I need your help, dear readers…
I’ve put together a quick survey on some ideas for Things That May Make The Site More Useful. I’d really appreciate it if you could take a minute or two to share your thoughts.
What would be a valuable addition to Living with Limerence?
Edited to update: The results are in…
Thanks to all those who took part. If you have any additional ideas for Things I Should Do, please add them to the comments.
Thanks and best wishes folks! Hope you are thriving wherever you may be.
Ohhhh this is exciting!!
Survey taken!
How about a search feature where we can search particular commenters responses through the site? (Like Dr L’s).
That would make me a bit nervous as the totality of all my comments makes me more identifiable to SO and LO. The ability to withdraw or edit a comment after submit would help with this.
Happy holidays, Dr.L! Hope you get some deserved rest besides the work on the blog.
Survey taken. Agree with Jaideaux in that being able to search for particular comments on the site would be helpful, although I don’t know how many people here would feel confortable with giving potential third parties more facilities to track one’s post history.
Thanks both to Jaideaux and Benjamin. Yes, good idea about search functions.
On reflection, I probably should have included a general “organise website better” in the survey 🙂
Yes. Confidentiality is a tricky one.
Without thinking I post using my real first name so if LO ever got a whiff I’d been on this site my references to them would be pretty obvious.
Maybe I should start posting under ‘the artist (formerly known as Thomas)’.
That would throw them off the track!
Yes, this does concern me too. Several of my comments would identify me for sure, and if it was easier to search on my comments or link them, some people could identify without any shadow of a doubt that it was me commenting. On the other hand, if I was that worried, I wouldn’t have overshared in the first place. I think part of me dreams of my LO finding my comments (although I have admitted that she has some minor physical flaws and that might offend her somewhat — but no one is perfect, right?). Still, I’m terrified my wife finds me on here. It would be game over for sure if that were the case.
I’d love to see a post(s) on the relationship between limerence and what is known as “demisexuality” (when someone only experiences sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection) i used to think most people were like this, but apparently not! I think it particularly effects us limerents and why we become so obsessed with LO because we’re unable to get these feelings from anyone else so hang onto LO because we don’t think it’s possible for anyone else to make us feel that way.
Speaking for (demisexual) limerents who are single, I think it’s also interesting because, LO aside, dating in the typical sense isn’t appealing to us. Especially when we are more likely to fall for someone in our friendship circle so this sort of forced courting doesn’t feel right.
Demisexual is a new one on me, Aimee! I’ll definitely look into that…
Yep, learned about demisexuality this week and it hit another limerent jackpot for me, never had a one night stand, never been interested sexual in people I didn’t know. Never like men I’m dating who I just met. But when I know someone and I like him, I lash on because it is indeed the only person in the world I want to sleep with. Which fuels my limerence because instead of a ” plenty of fish in the sea” mindset I get hit by the scarcity mindset which again fuels my anxiety because my complete sexlife litterary depends on him.
So… basically I’m a limerent, High sensitive
,Demisexual, and
Anxious attached ….
Cheers to my love life !
Getting very pessimistic over here.
I’m also wondering if people are born demi sexual or might it be a result from..
That would mean it would be a coincidence that we’re born a limerent and a demi sexual, but what fuels what…
I still think my attachment style also fuels my demi sexuality, or the other way around…
I’ve never heard of “demisexual” before but you’ve just described me perfectly!!
I can look at someone and think “yes they’re attractive” but wouldn’t be properly attracted until I’ve formed some kind of emotional connection.
My husband was a friend of a colleague and we were in same friendship group for about a year before dating. Awful as it is to say, I wasn’t physically attracted to him to start with.
My ex had been my manager for two years before I left and we started seeing each other.
My LO was a colleague and I actually remember thinking when starting the job “At least there aren’t any attractive men here.” Oh how naïve of me!!
Off to do more research!!
Ditto from me….need an emotional connection before I experience sexual attraction. Never been attracted to someone I don’t really know.
Most women are this way. It’s evolution in action.
Hope you take some time off, too. Thank you so much for asking for input!
If you’re asking for a wish list:
1. Under your “organize the site better” category – a regular spot where everyone could contribute their experiences to the most helpful, recurring topics – recovery tips would be the best example. Recovery timelines is another query that perennially pops up.
That could serve as an ongoing, continually updated database or at least compilation of experiences for quick and easy access. That information then would be separated out from the general comments that, although interesting, often stray far from your blog post topic.
Same category:
2. Either a quick way to search for or a consolidated spot for all your charts and graphs. They are so helpful. I was searching for one to provide a link in a comment recently, but couldn’t remember where it was posted and could’t think of how to search for it.
Thanks!
I’d say email notifications to comments and better layout overall. Sometimes can’t respond to a comment bc reply button is missing and such and the comments get disorganized. Also, more content about single limerants. Those who fall hopelessly for ppl they’ve dated or were hoping to date but got rejected. I believe limerance is borderline obsession or it IS an obsession and tools for coping are extremely difficult to develop.
Yeah, more articles on managing limerence while single would be insanely helpful.
Yes and maybe why it’s not by definition bad when managed kind of properly in the beginning of a relationship.
( And how to manage properly).
Hi Dr. L, I think the opinion on this blog can seem a little tilted. Limerence is a monster for sure!
Please explore more variety. Scenarios in which some good can come out of limerence, like a strong friendship or emotional closeness.
Also, please consider cases of people who are in confusing relationships with their SOs where things aren’t working out but they feel the pressure to continue in those relationships and make them work by hook or by crook, scared to find out one day that the SO they were trying so hard to be faithful to has actually been unfaithful themselves!
In such a case it would have been worthwhile to persue the LO to find out the possibilities. I am sure there are many people like that, I feel like I might be one. (But hope this isn’t limerence talking!)
Thanks.
Thanks all for the excellent comments and ideas. Really helpful for me, so much appreciated.
Dear Dr L,
This is the first comment I post on your website.
I was thinking for quite a long time, why are you investigating limerence only from the neuroscientific point of view (beside you being a neuroscientist)? I am currently working a lot on myself and my issues and I found out that limerence as an addiction/emotional dysregulation does not come by itself only. There should be some underlying reason. In my case, I was told by a psychologist a couple of months ago that I am exhibiting a lot of BPD (borderline personality disorder) features, one of which is extreme fear of abandonment. In my 20s, I was trying to combat multiple addictions, such as binge-eating, alcohol abuse, spending sprees and of course desperate chasing and idolization of specific people (back then did not know that the term limerence exist). What I realised 10 years later is that all these addiction were the symptoms of something bigger, namely borderline features resulting from dysfunctional childhood environment (more concretely emotional neglect, note that no physical abuse was there in the classical sense). Therefore, I believe that you can significantly expand the scope of your blog by tackling also wider problems that could be at the root of limerence, such as childhood invalidating environment (which has prompted us to subconsciously search for this one person who would save us), peers’ bullying and public humiliation, mental health issues of the early life caregivers (or inter-generational mental troubles), lack of emotional connection with parents/caregivers, etc.
Now I need to express my appreciation for your blog and book which are a great source of information for dealing with limerence. My only recommendation would be to deepen/widen the spectrum of your exploration and include other pertinent explanations as to why limerence exist and what has lead us to it. This could also provide insights about additional techniques/strategies as to how to cope with it (e.g. by exploring your past, bringing more awareness to your patterns and where do they stem from, somatic experience, etc.). Thank you!
Hi Nikita, I have also wondered if there is any connection between BPD and limerence, as though I was not diagnosed with BPD I was told by a therapist that I have some of the features, and when I read about it I felt that it describes me pretty well. I feel like the “lack of self” involved in BPD makes it easy to become obsessed with someone else to fill the “void” and feel like an intense need for that person’s presence, like if they weren’t there you wouldn’t be able to go on living, because you don’t have a stable sense of self. I definitely think there is a connection between my BPD features and *my* limerence, but I also think that might not necessarily be the case for everyone who experiences limerence. Some limerents may not have any BPD features at all, but I suspect limerence coincides with certain other mental illnesses too, like other personality disorders and delusional disorder. For us, who fit the BPD type, it probably feels like there is a strong connection between BPD and limerence, but for others whose limerence comes from a different place, the connection might not seem so clear. Anyway, I feel everything you wrote so strongly because it really describes me as well.
An Index page in chronological order with links, newest at the top.. LO #4 has one on her professional site and it’s great.
You update the Index page when you publish a new blog.
It’s a few months now that I haven’t posted, though I’ve been following the blog updates and comments regularly.
I’d also vote for a forum instead of the regular comments. Their numbers are increasing and it is sometimes a bit difficult to follow. I would keep the forum private though, to avoid confidentiality issues.
2 subjects I’d like more posts about is limerence for a LO who doesn’t know anything about the limerent’s feelings, and how to manage LC when NC is impossible.
Thank you so much DrL and happy holidays!
Nice to hear from you again, Emma! It’s been a long time. How are you doing these days?
I too like the idea of one or more posts on LOs we limerents worship from afar and are not aware of our feelings. It is very different from the type of situation where the limerent works with the LO or lives in the same neighbourhood, and the feelings may even be mutual.
Hi VL, I’m ok thanks, ups and downs but much better than in March. Therapy helped a lot. I’ll tell more later.
About what we just said, LO’s not aware of our feelings: in my case LO isn’t a distant person. We work together since more than 5 years, not daily but regularly. We know each other quite well, at least professionally. But he has no idea about my limerence. And I can’t go NC.
I don’t know if there is anyone here in the same case as I am?
One thing I would like that hasn’t been mentioned is a “Like” button. That might be something the platform wouldn’t allow, and I realize this isn’t Facebook, but I find I often really enjoy someone’s comment but I don’t necessarily have anything to say other than “Great comment!”
Like!
I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to see Dr L, as someone who is largely post LE now.
It got me thinking, why am I still here? Well, it’s partly habit – if you do something most days for 2 years it becomes a habit…. But mainly I think I’m here for self-preservation now. There was a period into NC where I felt spending too much time thinking about limerence was holding back my recovery but now I don’t feel that way, and my biggest danger now is slipping back into it if she were to contact me or transference to another LE.
So some material on keeping out of trouble would be great for me, and in particular the topic of transference which I don’t think has been covered that deeply, but I do feel is a threat to me personally.
Otherwise I think some recovery case studies would be of great help to new limerents. Being able to map a possible path out, setbacks, and in particular get a sense of the likely timeframes would be very beneficial as they manage expectations.
And agree on all the forum suggestions – the comments section has become a victim of its own success and is now too unwieldy.
I agree about prevention, Vincent. It’s a great topic. Like you, I feel pretty securely out the other side of this LE. I keep circling back here to the blog as a habit, but more importantly as an insurance policy. I was just wondering today if my recovery is in some small part due to the distraction and fulfillment of having developed a great new friendship. But I worry a little that it could go awry if I’m not careful. Having full knowledge about all the warning signs is so much better than stumbling unwittingly into limerence, but emotions have a way of flowing right past all the barricades we can put up, like water flowing around containment booms.
That sounds very similar to me Bert. This new connection has distracted me from my (much reduced) thoughts about LO, which is a good thing, but the danger is there again. In many ways the two women are similar, and part of me thinks I’ve just replaced LO with the new one. Like a tv show that replaces the main actress after a few seasons! But its not as extreme. I even re-read the definition of limerence to check, and I’m not there on any of them. But I am thinking of her quite a bit, and I am looking for meaning in her actions… which is a worry. Its almost like having some other person providing little bits of micro-validation in my life is a habit too. So I’m very wary, and backing off quite a lot.
Vincent I agree, am here to prevent relapse or transference, and also lend a hand to the newbies,
And you so do 💜
I put the following after another set of comments but I figured it would get lost and I’d really love some insight from you fab folk. Forgive the double post. *So, I don’t know where to put this but maybe someone will read and offer thoughts. I am on the tail end of LO#3. By far the most intense yet. The other two I got over quickly. I’ve read everything on this site and Neurosparkle and both are incredibly helpful. I stopped reaching out to my LO about a year ago. We are both in a friend group that meets about once a month and I have pulled back from that as well. About every two months or so my LO will reach out, plan something and then bail. I have gotten progressively more strict about blocking her as much as I can. She’s on restricted status so she can’t see my fb stuff nor can I see hers. But I do make public posts every now and then ( I keep my boss restricted too just bc privacy) and she’s always one of the first to like or comment or whatever. I blocked her from calling me but stupidly this weekend I checked my blocked messages and surprise, it had been almost 2 months to the day, and she’d called. I KNEW I should leave it but I was weak. Of course she wanted to meet. I felt awful, I didn’t want to go but didn’t know how to say no either so I agreed and yesterday, no surprise, she bailed yet again. I haven’t answered her text with her lame reasons for bailing, and my question is what to do now? I am hesitant to just completely block her and not say why bc that feels like ghosting at the same time I know whatever I say, I have no control of how it lands, or what she might tell the others in our group. I guess the first option is the best? I think she’s using me for a hit of whatever, just to see if I’m still here? And it feels bad and at this point I just want her to leave me the f alone. Complicating things is I am married to a fabulous man and not out as bi to anyone irl other than him and my 2 closest friends. It feels really bad to be having these feelings with such a great partner. I do have a super supportive online community and I am 100 days sober, so getting tons of awesome support there. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent.* Thanks for reading.
Happy holidays to you Dr L. 🙂 I’ve read what has been said so far on this thread and the improvements that I strongly agree with are making this forum private, the ability to amend or edit comments, and being able to reply to other commenters with more ease.
In posting here, I have taken the step of working to protect my identity as best as I can, but the thought of my LO or anyone else I know reading what I have said and realizing what I have done does worry me greatly.
The areas of limerence that I hope you will be able to post a bit more about are non-romantic limerence and coping with limerence, in addition to situations when someone is limerent for a person they barely know.
What I missed a little bit in the darkest days on this site where some funny stories, to keep things light a bit.
And normalise our crazy behaviour. To see that we are actually human, not crazy and we all went way too far for our LO, we all did, it’s part of limerence.
I remember, was it Rachel? Writing about the smart watch she actually bought to never miss a text from LO. I by accident sent a picture of all my disturbing thoughts about LO to all my colleagues and faked going to ballet class because it sounded feminine for LO. I can laugh at myself for my behaviour and shake my head.
I would have really liked that.
I have in brief flashes looked at the humorous side as if players in a sitcom about two unavailable and flawed friends who reminisce some day about that ridiculous time they were so bored and lonely they almost slept together during the throes of a pandemic by over exaggerating its effects on our mental health. “Remember that?? That was insane—what were we thinking!? Pandemic made everybody bat**** crazy!” I’d like some day to be now.
I’d like to hear what others have done that genuinely helped them recover. Top tips if you like.
I would also like to hear about others purposeful anti-rumination daydreams. Always looking for new ideas for these as I find this technique so effective at cooling my LE down to a manageable intensity.
My biggest issue is that I struggle to find the will to recover. While I recognise that this is not really a healthy way to live, I am fairly content in my LE currently and my mind simply refuses to give up the hope of *something* real happening eventually. The feeling of life being on hold right now exacerbates that. But I know the longer I allow my LE to continue, the harder the ending will be. Unless it just goes away of its own accord eventually. Any articles that help me find the will would be much appreciated.
“I would also like to hear about others purposeful anti-rumination daydreams.”
What gives you a sense of personal power? Is it a song? A movie? Anything?
I have what I call “power music,” songs that have nothing to do with LOs but they energize me for some reason. I always feel better after listening to them.
Neil Diamond’s “Soolaimon” is one of them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug0eNJby2s8 I sent the link to LO #4 once when she said she was feeling down. She didn’t say what she thought of it. I don’t know what it is about this song but I liked it since I first heard it.
I also pull up scenes from my favorite movies, like “The Blue Max” and “Kelly’s Heroes.” I’d like to think I could be as cool as Donald Sutherland in “Kelly’s Heroes” but that’s a pipe dream.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lELZMc7mvgw
I like this scene. It says “Don’t F–k with me or else!”
Clip of the Day: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncbEucjsNFU – “Kelly’s Heroes” (1970)
I love this movie!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncbEucjsNFU
Here’s the link.
Don’t be Moriarity!
I’m my case one thing that I realized that helped me a lot is introspection, and trying to make out the reasons of why I’m feeling a certain particular way in regards to LO and limerence. Of course, I’m no psychologist, so I can’t really know for sure the “real” reason, but in a way seeing some logic behind those feelings gives me a sense of peace, because it makes me feel more in control of my own emotions, even when the revelation doesn’t put me in a very flattering light. In fact, I’d say that seeing the ugly instincts and uncomfortable truths behind some of my feelings in regards to limerence gives more motivation to try to keep on the right path.
In regards to anti-rumination methods, sometimes saying your thoughts out loud (when nobody’s in hearing distance, of course) tends to help me a lot. It’s a bit like if hearing them with my voice helps me realize how fruitless and circular they are. Writing them also helps, especially if you do it in a language that it’s not your native one, because then you have to think carefully about how to express yourself correctly, which forces you to examine them better. And of course, the tried and true method of “trying to keep your mind busy and avoid staring at the wall at all costs” is a good aid, too.
Also, daydreaming fantasies tend to be one of my biggest problems when it comes to limerence, and Dr.L’s method of turning them into humiliating episodes didn’t work for me, so what I did instead was trying to substitute them for daydreaming fantasies of a more purposeful nature. Like, for example, instead of imagining me and LO as a cute happy couple that found true love what I do is to see myself instead as a single guy that has saved enough to buy his dream car, or that has managed to get the civil servant position he’s studying for, and is finally able to live on his own.
A lot of people suggest ideas for future articles in the comments. I think a suggestion box type feature could be useful!
DR L, and others,
What I noticed that my limerent brain is very very sneaky and very creative constantly finding ways to not let go, to bypass.
Forms of bypassing might be a subject to look further on on this site ? I would love to know if others experience the same thing, well I guess so.
What I noticed is my form of bypassing, while I also fill my life with friends, hobbys, creative things. In the first stages of NC I watched 5000 videos on you tube , as an almost new addiction, to look at the effect of NC. NC would get LO also in a grief state, what could make him miss me. I got more and more hopefull while sumultaniously telling myself is was getting over him.
When contacting him after my set NC time did show he obvisously did not miss me I wanted to let go.
So I watched 5000 Videos on letting go, but now shifting more and more to quantem physics, because the more I will let go the more LO will want to come back!
Is it normal to keep sneaky hope while at the same time letting go, or do these bypasses really hold you back?
Should I accept these bypasses, the hope as part of the process and it will wear off, or restist? I think I will allow it for now as long as I realise Im doing it, and eventually stop myself from you tube .
Yeah, the same happens to me. I can keep LO out of my mind most of the day, but sometimes I catch myself thinking out ways things could turn different and hoping she gets in contact. I think they’re a normal part of the desintoxication proccess, and as long as we don’t dwell too much on them de shouldn’t beat ourselves for it.
Such a good question Mia, I think many of us can relate to this. I also keep a small hope somewhere in my mind, always. My rational brain knows very well that LO doesn’t have feelings for me, and that my attraction is for an imaginary version of LO, not the real him. But still… what if…? I feel so empty without this tiny little hope.
Do you have some suggestions for useful videos amongst the 5000+ you watched?
I really want to get over this guy. But I’m not, I even ask the universe now to bring him back..🤦🏼♀️kind of as a last straw. So tired of this shit.
We’ll all the videos kind of message ” let go to get him”.
So that’s just kind of not letting go, in fact that’s still wanting him. But it feels good to watch hopefull videos while I also get annoyed by myself.
What the f… Am I watching.
Guess I’m impatient, I really really don’t want to waist my precious time to a LE that will last for years while LO Was already over me 6 months ago.
But it is what it is timewise I guess.
Mia,
Hmmmm. OK.
I think if you know that you are watching videos that trigger those feelings it’s worth recognising that that is a choice. It sounds a bit of a tortuous path your choosing.
Also – think about the message you may internalise. That your NC is not a show of strength but instead a desperate (and failing) last attempt at getting LO back.
Don’t rob yourself of the power you’ve gained from walking away from the situation Mia! ‘Hopeful’, is a feeling focused on the future… the future you’ve chosen doesn’t include LO. Because you know there’s something better for you. Watch videos about what comes next!
@Thomas, I know. But it begins all with strength and the feeling of empowerment,
The NC the wanting to let go, and than over time it sneaky sneaky shifts to hope.
My super vivid dreams about LO don’t really help lately. I’m so amazed by the force and the energy LE has , it refuses to die.
Back to the grief it is.
Thank you for your support 🌼
@Mia,
That’s why I had to block my LO. To completely scupper myself.
The fact that you’re going through this difficult LE and showing such strength of character… I just couldn’t.
You’re doing yourself proud. Also, I know nothing about your needs, or how you’re managing them. But if you’re keeping to NC it sounds like you have the right plan for you.
Tbh last night I used memories of LO for a bit of private gratification before sleep. I’d mentioned this before and other commenters had rightly pointed out this wasn’t helpful. I know it, I’d refrained for ~3 weeks, turning to other fantasies/stimuli but last night I just knew it would be easy, and obviously it was one of the many flavours of blissful rumination we engage in at various times in various ways.
I’m forgiving myself for the lapse, but it certainly felt like I’d profoundly let myself down as I moved towards sleep.
Goddamnit.
Good luck Mia, I hope the dream intrusions improve as soon as possible. Blimmin’ brains!
@Mia,
Is this an example of cognitive dissonance? I’m not sure, but it sounds totally normal to me…
One LO married another guy. That was a very big, clear, wake up call. When through trying to recover, played a bit of social media ping pong of liking EVERYTHING we could of each others… which didn’t help. But anyway – the LE for him has finished.
Does the idea that his hubby might get hit by a bus one day and then we’ll bump into each other in… oh I don’t know? A bistro? And be together from that point on ever cross my mind? All these years later?
Very rarely. But certainly not never… and I see this guy out and about without even feeling a glimmer. But… brains aye?
An LE, is an LE. It’s an intense thing, it’s not surprising that it leaves a mark. At the same time, I’m sure many non-limerents can hold the belief that a romantic experience had meaningful value, and it is also over and cannot be realised at the same time. You can get over someone, even while holding feelings for them.
That’s literally what NC is right? Is it holding you back from opening up to a new romance? Maybe I sound horrible, but I’ve found ‘putting myself out there’ really helpful – but I’m quite comfortable in that headspace and I know we’re all wired differently… even if many of our LEs have surprisingly similar trajectories at times.
@ Thomas: I very much feel this way myself. While I definitely want to “get over” my LO, I don’t ever really want to stop having positive and fond feelings for her. With my situation, I still want to retain that faint hope we’ll be together some day — without obsessing over her, ruminating about her or having her consume my thoughts and desires 24/7. I do think this is absolutely possible because my last LO from over 20 years ago is someone I have completely gotten over, and I no longer long for her or pine away for her in any way (although I do sometimes wonder how she’s getting on with her life). However, I just had a little thought experiment about her today: I asked myself what I would do if my marriage ended and I ran into her. Supposing she was single and interested in me and I still found her attractive, would I be interested? Absolutely, although after so many years she probably isn’t even the same person in any meaningful sense (she was quite young at the time and she must have changed a lot). In her case, my limerence is completely gone, but not my interest (although I would still rather have my current LO if I had the choice, and I haven’t forgotten my wife in all of this; again, all of this is only hypothetical, if my wife and I did end up going our separate ways).
“So I watched 5000 Videos on letting go, but now shifting more and more to quantem physics, because the more I will let go the more LO will want to come back!”
More like metaphysics…
In a metaphysical sense, letting go draws a vacuum in the limerent ether and draws him back into your life. The more you let go, the stronger the cosmic draw.
I should get paid for this.
Of course, there’s a small part of us that wants them to come back, even if you don’t really want them in your life. It validates how special we are to them. When they don’t, if you think about it, you come to the unpleasant conclusion you weren’t as special to them as you wanted to be. We want them to blink, even better if they blink first.
‘We want them to blink, even better if they blink first.’
You know Sharn,
I’m beginning to imagine your LEs are basically a cross between Das Boot and a Clint Eastwood western (maybe with a bit of Bridget Jones Diary thrown in for light relief!).
😉
I’ve been thinking.
I think LwL should have an awards program like the Oscars, Grammy’s etc. The awards would be called “Limmers.” They should come from the Dollar Store or whatever the UK equivalent is. A digital photo of your award will be provided at no charge. If you actually want the thing, you can send DrL the money and he can buy one and mail it to you.
Some possible categories for an award:
– Outstanding Limerent (male and female)
– Most destructive LE (e.g., divorce, job loss, arrest, etc.)
– Limerence for an Ex
– Limerence for a Family Member
– Limerence for a Co-Worker
– Limerence for a Therapist
– Pushiest LO
– Best Soulmate or Twin Flame LE
– Best Limerent Stalker
– Best Disclosure
– Worst Disclosure
– Best new idea to combat limerence
– Lifetime Limerent Achievement Award – Since I’ve been here the longest and started decades ago, the first one should go to me. I’ll give my acceptance speech now:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTGiltP2jM0 – “Thanks for the Memory” instrumental)
“I want to thank DrL for giving me this award. But most of all, I want to thank all the LOs I’ve had over the years without whom, I wouldn’t be writing this. I’d like to you let you know but it’s just not worth it and I have no idea where to find a few you and some of you probably wouldn’t remember me anyway. But, thank each and every one of you.”
He could convene a committee of some of the long-standing LwL members and we could vote on them. Voting for yourself would be ok.
“– Limerence for a Family Member”
Ew. I’m hoping you mean a VERY, very distant cousin. Hard for me to imagine. I get around my family and every sexual impulse is drained from my body immediately.
Oops!
It should have been Close Family Friend, https://livingwithlimerence.com/case-study-limerent-for-a-close-family-friend/
Gotta watch those Freudian slips….
Close family friend, sure. I was raised by someone who was not related to me by blood. I had a huge crush on her brother -in-law. Never told anyone. He’d come in the room, and I’d be swooning. I was about 19. He was in his mid-30s. And … here’s a pattern … so flirtatious. 🙂
Wouldn’t this be more like the Razzies? Or the wooden spoon award?
In extreme cases, maybe even the Darwin Award…
C’mon, work with me here.
I’ll vote for you LE! I think perhaps I could be a contender for having the pushiest LO.
And methinks limerence for a family member is not so far fetched….most royals used to marry cousins….and I am sure there was limerent drama amongst them too like there is for the rest of us mortals.
The Pound Shoppe does have some nice things I would be happy to be awarded. Let the festivities begin!
Jaideux,
That’s two votes for each of us! We’re shoe-ins!
I can’t remember if I was in a Pounde Shoppe when I was in London a few years back. It sounds like fun.
I did stop into the Howarth of London store, though. That cost me $5000. But, it’s a gorgeous oboe. Now, I just need my wife to agree to spring for the $12,000 English Horn. To be fair, she said when I make $12,000 playing the oboe, she’s fine with me spending it on the English Horn.
She has the same philosophy about my golf clubs.
Your wife is hilarious and diplomatic!
Jaideux,
Even after taking lessons for a few years, I’m still not very good. Most HS kids probably play better than I do, although I do a kick-ass intro to Sinatra’s “It Was A Very Good Year.”
My only hope is heading down to the Metro station with a sign, “Will Quit Playing Oboe For Tips.”
“My only hope is heading down to the Metro station with a sign, “Will Quit Playing Oboe For Tips.””
Sorry, that only works for trombonists.
“Sorry, that only works for trombonists.”
Ok, buzzkill…we’ll do it your way.
I can pick up a used trombone on Craigslist for $100. I played cornet in 3rd grade so I can buzz a mouthpiece.
We’ll start with “The Stripper” – David Rose (1962)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcOtxUrx-ps
Q: What do you throw a drowning oboe player?
A: His case.
Q: Why do oboe players leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/musicjokes/oboejokes.html
A few more:
Q: What’s the difference between a smashed oboe in the middle of the road and a dead skunk in the middle of the road?
A: Skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q. A conductor has a bad oboe player, a bad trumpet player, and a bad violin player. His gun only has 2 bullets. Who does he shoot?
A: The oboe player. Twice. Just to make sure.
Q: Who does the oboe player date?
A: The viola player but she has to be really desperate.
Q. What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
A. The ass is the back of the bull