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Living with Limerence

Life, love, and limerence

Year in review

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I’ve been enjoying some quality time with my family over the Christmas holiday, so no in depth post this week. Just a quick review of another year of blogging at LwL.

It’s been a good year. Visitor numbers have continued to grow month on month, which suggests more and more people are discovering us, but sadly also means there’s no obvious limit yet to the number of limerents needing help.

2019 saw the launch of the emergency deprogramming course, which has helped a lot of people, and put the principles of recovery (which can end up feeling a bit piecemeal on the site) into a finely honed plan – for those who are serious about taking urgent action. I plan to launch version 2.0 of the course in 2020 to make it even better. More info to follow soon (and everyone on the current course will, naturally, get a free upgrade).

Finally, in a last minute rush, I finished The Inevitable Book Project just before Christmas. Phew. It is now with an editor, and is on course to be published early in the new year.

So, a good 2019, with some key targets met, and a renewed sense of purpose for growing Living with Limerence in the coming year!

Many thanks to all the commenters, visitors, students, old friends and new, who have added so much value to the community, and made running this place so rewarding for me. I hope you are all enjoying this holiday period, however you celebrate it (or even if you don’t). See you in 2020!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Thank you Dr. L for setting the fine example of purposeful living. You are the embodiment of that rich, fruitful and rewarding approach to life. You have been more than generous in sharing your hard earned knowledge. Thank you for leading with kindness and demonstrating how powerful and successful that can be. So many of us have benefitted from your wisdom, eloquence, humor and compassion.

    Very best wishes to you as we enter a new decade of rapid change. A salient point you have made repeatedly is that we all have a choice in our actions. We are at a big turning point on our planet. May we all make wise choices in the coming year.

    Happy 2020. May it be peaceful, blissful and prosperous for all!

  2. I’ll be glad to get a copy of your book and to read it too. Please let us know when it’s available to purchase. Talking about the book, will it be available on kindle?

  3. Thank you Dr L for your wonderful website and shared wisdom, I’ll be eternally grateful for finding you and the lovely posters/contributers. I don’t think I would’ve coped without the support from this blog, just knowing others are in the same boat as me has made this experience bearable.
    Xxx

  4. Found you last night.
    I’m grateful that there would be such a resource.
    Will happily buy you book as soon as I can.
    Many thanks,
    God bless,
    Happy New year

  6. Thank you, Dr. L and everyone in this community who helps me see through every post and comment that I am not alone on this journey. Wishing us all a 2020 filled with purpose.

  8. Dr L, I’ll be very glad to see version 2.0 of the emergency deprogramming course. Thank you so much.

  9. Thank you for this site and for all the support. I look forward to reading the book!
    Happy New Year!

  10. Also a huge thanks from my end. 2019 has been such a shitty year, but with the help of this site and this community I was able to steer through the limerence fog! On to 2020, bring it on 🙂

    Happy new year to everyone!

  11. Dr L, Thank you for the excellent articles and this website as a whole, it has helped so many people, looking forward to the book.

  12. Thank you Dr L

    You have been selfless in providing this site amongst your own life priorities.
    You have made a difference to so many souls. Can’t thank you and this community enough.
    God bless you
    Kevin

  13. Thank you Dr. L! I’m so glad I found your site, all your help (including the EDC) as well as the help and understanding of others in similar situations. Happy New Year!

  14. I echo the sentiments of the community, Dr L. I will be staying close to LwL in 2020. Thank you!

  15. Dr. L, you feel like a truly selfless friend who has been patiently and gently guiding me off the traumatizing roller coaster of limerence.
    And making me laugh through the tears.
    (Cat pictures hurrah!)
    It would be an honor to buy and read your book.

  16. I’m so blessed to have found this community. I can tell you that Limerence know’s no age limit. I’m 73 years old and have been suffering for about six years. My LO is ten years younger than me.
    I had all most gotten to a point of getting some peace back in my life when I relapsed. I’ve had some very good help in the past but I must say I haven’t found any place better than this Blog. I just finished the emergency deprogramming coarse. Have to say it’s the best money spent yet. Armed with this good information I believe I can get my life back. If it were not for my faith in God I could not have made it through the past six years. Many thanks to DR L and good luck to all of you.

    • Thanks for the comment Mike, and welcome to the LwL community. Really glad the site and course have helped.

      Limerence knows no age limit, but nor does purposeful living!

      • I’ve been out of Counseling and DR treatment for about two years. I’m also off medication. Would advise me to get back into treatment during this relapse or just try to tuff it out? I’ve had some bad days and especially nights.

  17. I’m not sure where to post this….but it seemed so appropriate for me at least when I read it today….***Sometimes the worst place you can be, is in your own head*** seems to sum up what coherence is doing to me….

  18. Mike, you are so right about no age limit….I’m 76 and my LO is just 31….it hit me like a bolt of lightening before I had any idea what was happening….I have only on line contact , but cannot make myself go NC….I feel embarrassed, foolish, and just can’t tell anyone about the absurd hold that this boy has over me…of course he has no idea, never makes contact with me, and just answered politely when I contact him on some pretense….I’m hoping that somehow, with the help of this site, I can overcome this thing…of course my SO has no idea what’s going on, ANF has huge health problems of his own…what a mess…..when we should be enjoying retirement….

      • Hi Maureen,
        Your comment broke my heart a little. My advice: if you really want to start healing and want to no longer crave the attentions or even mildest responses from your LO then…go no contact, and stop following any sort of social media. Do not allow yourself to have any online contact in any way. It will seem sooo excruciating at first, like you have sawn off a limb and are bleeding to death, but eventually things calm down and your broken heart starts to heal and your self respect returns, and things around you and people around you somehow become more beautiful and interesting and you will feel a tenderness in you toward them that you had momentarily lost. It’s well worth the pain, and the lessons one can extract in hindsight are multitudinous, and you are just going to have to trust me when I tell you that the paralyzing and fearful and tragic pseudo-romantic thoughts in your head will slowly wind down, like a spinning top that is losing momentum. But for me, that only started to happen after no contact, no social media. You can do it!

        • Thank you Jaideux……you are right of course, I am certainly going to try, but of course like so much connected to limerence, it always seems easier said than done…social media is such a huge part of my life; it’s the only contact I have with my family, friends, and groups that I belong to…. I may have to start with smaller steps….especially when there’s other huge obstacles happening, such as SO kidney failure that we have to deal with…..too much all at once maybe….but in the end I’m sure you’re right….I am so thankful for your input, and all the advice in this group…..and just knowing that others habe been where I am, and have healed…

        • Hey Maureen,
          So sorry about SO’s kidney failure…that is really tough to deal with I am sure.
          Limerence usually flares up when we are most stressed…it’s our ‘escapism’. As far as social media, by all means continue to enjoy it, but perhaps just unfollow LO…so you don’t see what’s going on with him, and instead can focus your social media time on all your lovely friends and family. Let LO fade into oblivion so you can reclaim your life. It gets worse before it gets better, but then it gets much better. 🙂

  19. Thank you Jaideux, I’ll certainly try to do that…now if I can just get up the courage to press that ‘unfollow’ button….I want to so much, but I don’t want to, what conflict…….

    • Do it Maureen. It’s a very freeing moment. You are starting to take control of your life which feels good. Also just seeing then everyday hurts, also curiosity plays a part. But if you can, do it as it will start to free your mind.
      Unfortunately I kept failing and ‘stalking’ his profile so I decided to do a digital detox and come off all social media for a month. Firstly it was so hard but I actually felt loads better by the end and didn’t really want to go back on. I was addicted to social media and I spent so much wasted time on there, also it was fueling the limerence. You can do it!

      • This is really good advice Rachel, curiosity while limerent is not a good thing. It helps develop bad habits like checking up on LOs, following their social media accounts, even snooping on them. But these things keep us tied to them. We could either keep looking and continue to suffer or we can look away, wear virtual blinkers where we no longer see them or hear them. LC kept me in the vicious circle for four long years, 4 months NC stubbornly enforced has brought me peace of mind that has been missing for years. We just need to keep going no matter what.

        • Fellow Lim I have felt good now for over a week. I can’t actually believe it was possible. My thoughts have quietened down massively. I feel when I truly wanted to break free from LO and embrace the pain it doesn’t actually take as long as thought. I can’t say I’m indifferent but I don’t seek LO, indulge in fantasies and the anger is turning to more of an ‘oh well’ feeling. In starting to see it is his loss. The keep going no matter what is so important and this is etched in my mind. Going back is not an option any more.

  20. Well fellow limerents, I didn’t get far with my NC resolve….not even a whole day…I guess first I’ll have to find something else to occupy my mind, besides SO’s health problems….I tried on line guitar and piano lessons, but the interest just isn’t there…I suppose limerence in the elderly comes with a whole different set of problems, (lack of social contact, the ability to get out and about, even the ability to be mobile, come to mind) as well as the standard limerent problems faced by younger folk…….now if only memory loss would set in, I could forget this whole limerent thing, problem solved, ha,ha,ha…..well at least I still have my sense of humour….not that it’s helping much…..