I’d planned a case study for this week’s blog, but it’s fallen through, so instead here’s a video on how to design your life.
If you read around the self-development literature for a while, you start to see the same recurrent themes come up again and again. That’s predictable, of course, because people have been working on this issue for thousands of years and the best ideas tend to stick. But it also means it’s quite refreshing when a new perspective appears.
Here’s a TEDx talk from Bill Burnett that takes a design engineer approach to life planning. It had some juicy new ideas for me:
One of the most disruptive and discomforting things about limerence is that it can cause an “identity quake”. You are compelled to re-examine yourself, your life, and your choices as a consequence of being confronted by an irresistible force.
If you’re skilful or fortunate, it is possible to transform this into an opportunity to become more purposeful. However, taken too far, this reinvention can turn into a complete collapse of self-confidence. It can feel like your future life is a blank page, and you are paralysed by indecision about what to write or draw on it.
That’s why I like this approach to life design. It’s got some simple tasks that get you moving – as Bill Burnett puts it, provide a bias towards action – and prevent the analysis paralysis that many of us get caught in.
So, if you are feeling stuck, adrift, or indecisive, try out some of the ideas. The worst thing you’ll lose is a couple of hours that you’d probably have spent on Twitter anyway.
Hope says
Very good, DrL. I am on the cusp of a major life change, so this is very helpful in designing the next phase and having a purposeful life. Action may not produce exactly what I would like, but it is better than drifting as I am prone to do — a daydeamer 🙂
A solid direction would also help being able to move on when there’s a situation that will not change — that’s what I struggle with the most. I struggle with — not that it didn’t work out — but that it happened at all and disrupted my life so much! I guess I don’t like being vulnerable to someone else like that. Keep up the good work!
Cath says
Honestly Dr L, there isn’t anything you write that doesn’t explain my current experiences exactly. This whole LE has forced me into a position where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore. I’ve analysed over and over every aspect of my life and all my past decisions. I feel lost. Lost in my role in my own family, wondering if my relationship with SO has changed and that’s what led me into LE. I feel lost at work and totally indecisive about my future in Midwifery which is the only career I’ve ever wanted or trained for. And just lost in myself as a person, as I’ve done things I never thought possible for me, shocked myself to the core. It’s made me question everything about myself and my life and my future. I will give this a watch and take everything I can from it. Thank you ❤️
drlimerence says
Thanks, Cath.
Limerence really can be a life-shaking experience, eh? Sometimes it’s good to go back to the fundamentals and analyse life from the bottom up… but it’s rough to go through.
Good luck!