Well, sorta.
As a general principle, listening to other people who have achieved something noteworthy is a shrewd way to learn something useful. These three folks seem to have lived well.
I also reckon that Tereza’s husband was a lucky bugger.
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Life, love, and limerence
Wow perspective!
Resilient people to be admired and emulated!
Amazing people.
I love talking to older people who really have lived. One of the best perks of my job.
I don’t think they know it, but a 91 year old couple that have been married 69 years inspired me to keep working at my marriage last year when I was considering otherwise. They continue to amaze me at how they look after each other in difficult circumstances.
I learn a lot when I’m working!!
One of the most striking things for me was that the only regret any of them could identify was not expressing their love and appreciation to their father. And all the most meaningful memories were the people they had loved and still loved. They all seemed to tell the story of the lives through their connections to others.
It’s one of those lessons that seems (superficially) so obvious and banal, and yet I kind of have to keep reminding myself of it. Not in the sense that I have to work at loving my friends and family (!), just that the “urgent” concerns seem so dominant in the moment that they crowd out time with family, when they are actually so trivial.
I’ve watched this twice now and really see how it relates to limerence. It’s about choosing to be happy, looking at the beautiful and positive things in life, enjoying your nice memories even if people are no longer with you, and staying active and have goals and bake bread! Not having regrets…show people respect, eat healthy.
Reminds me of my Mum…she had an indomitably positive spirit. Maybe it’s a British thing? (I’m only half!…need to embrace that half).
Limerent lessons I have learned from this video:
Do not be mired in sadness over the wasted time we spent in our limerence episodes, perhaps extract a little bit of sweetness out of it if you can (but don’t ruminate) and be resolved not to stagnate in a future episode. Love the ones you are with (like Dr. L says) and cherish them. Limerent objects are temporary where real friends and family are permanent (hopefully) and deserve our full heart.
Thank you for sharing this video, I just love it.
The thing that really struck me on the second watch was when Tereza (her first name is Amelia, but she says “Tereza” so stylishly I’m sticking with that) says at the beginning, “I’ve always been very lucky.”
And then tells her story of living with her grandparents because her father was a POW, losing her twins at a young age, and outliving her husband and daughter.
The fact that she sees her life as lucky because of all the positive things that happened speaks volumes.
Agree DrL, I noticed the same, that she considered herself lucky and then goes on to tell her story that one could totally twist around and say that bad things happen to you etc…
Besides that limerence mess I am in I am actually a person that looks at life pretty positively.
I am thinking I might start asking people to call me Tereza as well. đ
I absolutely love what you said about limerence lessons – donât be mired in sadness over the wasted time! That spoke right to me with where I am on my journey right now. Iâm pretty disgusted with myself over that exact thing and hopefully can learn to one day appreciate a bit of the âsweetnessâ without letting it become âruminationâ (just kind of angry about it for now).
Also trying to keep front and center the truth that my LO was, and could only ever be, temporary and my REAL friends and family deserve my FULL heart, which unfortunately they have not had for quite some time. Working on fixing all of that now. đ
Appreciate everyoneâs thoughts and insight more than I can say!
Susan let’s make a pact to no longer be disgusted with ourselves. We won’t let it happen again, but if being a limerent is the most foolish thing about us, it’s not so bad. There are far worse things! đ
I was visiting London a few years back. We went to the Imperial War Museum (3rd time for me). There as an exhibit that said, “Talk to someone who was there.” There was a gentleman there who was 9 year old in 1939 when the war broke out. He talked about things and showed us pictures and momentos. My father was a WWII vet and this gentleman’s perspective was a lot different than what I heard from my father’s generation. We could have talked to him all day.
He seemed very savvy and could read his audience from the questions they asked. A few of the memorable things he said.
– Rationing was as bad as it was made out to be. For a lot of people, they ate better after rationing than they did before the war started.
– The British government did a masterful job of engaging the population. Everybody did something. His father drove the bus that took workers to/from the local Spitfire assembly plant. He got called up. Somebody called the British Army and told them that for every day his father didn’t drive the bus, Spitfires weren’t being delivered to the RAF that day. The British Army decided 5-10 Spitfires/day was probably worth more to the war effort than a 35yr old bus driver and mustered his father out by noon the same day. He was back driving the bus the next day. His mother sewed canvas bags to keep rationing books dry. He showed us one.
– In 6 years of war, he missed 5 days of school. When bombing debris blocked the road, the bus stopped, the kids climbed over the rubble and walked the rest of the way. After school, they walked back, climbed over the rubble and the bus was waiting for them. His teacher was a teacher by day and an Air Raid Warden by night. The Germans kept him busy at night and he would sometimes fall asleep in class. The gentleman had a picture of his teacher asleep at his desk. He said that when that happened, one of the kids would pick up the book and carry on.
– Prior to the war, unemployment was high and rickets were endemic in Britain. He said a year later both had disappeared.
– The most memorable thing he said was, “The war was a terrible, terrible thing. But, for many people, like my family, it was the best thing that ever happened to them.”
I hope the IWM recorded his talks.
“Rationing wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be. For a lot of people, they ate better after rationing than they did before the war started.”
Invoking the two cup rule…
That was just beautiful. It makes me want to cry a little bit!