Super busy at the moment, working on a new course for the site plus real life everyday work too.
In lieu of a proper post, here’s a thought provoking video from Helen Fisher:
Not sure I entirely follow the reasoning behind how hook up culture leads to more stable marriages, but an interesting perspective on how knowledge of neuroscience can be used to improve long term relationships.
“Not sure I entirely follow the reasoning behind how hook up culture leads to more stable marriages..”
Fisher clearly believes in the power of sex to bind a couple together, as well as its importance in long-lasting relationships. But sex can be… complicated. It makes sense to me to learn as much as you can about yourself with regard to your own sexual desires, and then how they might dovetail with someone else’s, before you commit to another person. Hook up culture, friends with benefits, living together…these can all help you explore that without fear of making a mistake.
That said, I’ve never really been able to relate to hook-up culture myself–even though I have had plenty of opportunities. I’m wondering now if it’s the exclusivity piece of limerence that has always made hook up culture unappealing….
“I’ve never really been able to relate to hook-up culture myself”
Same here!
I’ve had 2 relationships – one that was very unhealthy, looking back I was limerent for him, but thankfully that was more of a short term fling and it’s pretty generous to label that as a relationship!
The second is with my husband. I didn’t marry my him for 5 years – initially I was reluctant to marry – had no issue with marriage but more with the practicalities of a wedding. We eventually married after my Mum said she wouldn’t mind if I got married without her there. Living together before being married certainly helped. Although personally I find it hard to include living together long term before marriage as part of “hook up culture”.
Interesting points on sustaining long term relationships – many similar to what our counsellor has said.
“Not sure I entirely follow the reasoning behind how hook up culture leads to more stable marriages..”
Me either. I recently stumbled across a quote that really resonated with me: “Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment”. This strikes me as historically true…but it is not so any more and as a result, current intersex relations frankly horrify me. (Mid-life crisis, anyone?) Today, North American women are practically encouraged to jump right in the sack with someone, so the gatekeeping of sex is out the window…but men continue to withhold commitment. The result is that romantic relations are now deeply out of balance. I have heard absolute horror stories from all the women I know who attempt online dating. The men have the upper hand and expect women to put out immediately with zero commitment on offer. Perhaps it’s just my current state of mind, but I despair for the future of love and marriage. FWB is not the answer.