In the last few posts, I've concentrated on the elements of purposeful living. There are two reasons why. First, purposeful living is a good way to protect yourself against the destructive aspects …
Who do you want to be?
Limerence can cause a profound shock to our sense of identity. Limerence is by definition extraordinary - it takes us outside ourselves, transcends our mundane everyday lives, upends our previous …
Cultivating self-awareness
In the last post, I argued for the importance of self-awareness for living a purposeful life. Two of the major barriers to self-awareness are ego-protecting rationalisation, and ego-depleting …
Self awareness and purposeful living
Earlier in the year, I wrote about the elements of purposeful living, with the definite intention of expanding on the themes is a series of in-depth posts. Life got in the way, but now it's time to …
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A video on why affairs happen
Here's an astonishing video from the School of Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDpy5gERS8k It made me properly angry. There's a kernel of truth to the message that black and white …
Mutual limerence
Mutual limerence is a topic that often pops up in the comments section, and in my email inbox. Some describe it as a unicorn scenario, others describe it as a curse. Many of the people who contact me …
Case study: relentless limerence
Today's case study comes from Rachel, who is happily married, but suffering from unrelenting limerence. The quick summary of her situation is that she had a hunch that a colleague of her husband was …
Coffeehouse: how to resist temptation
I've been away this week on work business, but managed to find some time between meetings to discover a lovely old-fashioned coffeehouse with oak-panelled walls, chrome fixtures and fittings, a …
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How to tell someone you just want to be friends
For compassionate people, it can be upsetting to discover that a friend has become infatuated with you. Everyone likes to be admired, but when you care for someone without having romantic feelings, …
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This crush just won’t be crushed!
Over at the New York Times, Roxane Gay writes an advice column about work and life called "Work Friend". The title of a recent edition caught my eye: The thrill of the office crush. The scenario is …
Case study: losing faith in love because of limerence
Today's case study is from Louis, who got in touch because he's been burned by limerence and now fears it has soured his whole attitude to love and romance. As background, Louis is in his 20s, but …
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Why does romantic attraction fade?
There's nothing like falling in love. The world fills with colour, life is full of promise and possibility, your mood dances a jig, and your body fizzes with excitement and euphoria. Heady …