May 19th Edit: Paypal payments now enabled.
I’ve mentioned a few times recently that I’ve been working on a new course to help limerents who find themselves deep in the person-addiction pit and desperate to get out. Well, it’s live!
Regular readers will know that my view of limerence is that it is a part of our personalities and can be a source of great pleasure and creativity. But it’s also a massive emotional and psychological burden when it goes wrong, becomes an addiction, and traps us in a cycle of dependency for someone who we can’t (or don’t want to) form a healthy bond with.
That’s where I found myself when I started this site, and that’s the basis of this course. I’ve gathered together the most useful techniques I’ve learned for managing limerence, and shaped them into a programme that leads step by step through the principles for recovery. It’s a progression of ideas: understand how limerence starts and deepens, use that knowledge to tactically reprogram yourself, anticipate obstacles to recovery, and devise a personal action plan for success. For limerents who find themselves in this trap, it should greatly increase the likelihood of escaping with minimal injury to yourself and others.
At this point, I’d also like to give a shout out to some of the regular commenters and readers here who have helped me by beta-testing this programme over the last few months. It’s had almost universally positive feedback, which is great, but it’s also now much better for the constructive criticism and questioning that the beta-team have sent on. Thank you all!
So, a bit more info:
What this course is
- An emergency intervention based on principles from neuroscience and psychology, to turn the volume down on your limerence
- A strategic approach to managing rumination and contact with your LO
- An action plan for dealing with the current limerence episode, and for making better long-term decisions
- A method for future-proofing yourself against other LOs and other limerence risks
- A living thing: I’ll keep adding and refining the course into the future as we learn more and have new ideas
What this course is not
- A cure for limerence (because it is not a disease, after all)
- Psychotherapy (the tactics draw on principles of cognitive behavioural therapy in places, but personal therapy is a longer term and individual activity)
- A passive tool (just watching the videos will help, but fundamentally, recovery requires taking action)
A detailed description of the course content is at the Emergency deprogramming course site. I’d encourage anyone who thinks they could benefit to take a look.
A final hope is that this will also be a constructive way to help fund the costs of keeping the blog alive. I’ll keep writing the free stuff of course – and for many people that may be enough. But reading and thinking only gets you so far, and for those that are ready, this could be a decisive next step. The first psychological trigger of the course is that we value what we pay for, and financial commitment tends to deepen emotional commitment to sticking with a plan. For those that want more structure and focus, it’s another useful spur towards success, with the side-benefit that it helps strengthen the foundations here too.
Let’s hope that virtuous cycle spins!