Here’s a great presentation by the philosopher Ruth Chang on how the choices we make create the distinct person that we are.
It’s not specific to limerence, of course – more related to the concept of living a purposeful life. The basic message is that when faced with a hard choice (defined as one in which it is not possible to identify a superior option, because each depends on a nebulous collection of unknowable and parallel outcomes), it is an opportunity to both decide the kind of person that we are, and assert it through our actions. Our hard choices define us – both by communicating to others who we are, but also by literally reshaping our lives through the outcomes of the choice that we commit to.
Good brain food.
I’m going to leave one of those “why isn’t there a comment on this?” comment. This is such a great video, thank you for sharing it …. I find it a deeply healing message for someone in recovery like myself, that hard choices give us the opportunity to be the people we want to be. Yes they are hard but more importantly they are an incredible opportunity to make space for, more deeply understand, and stress-test our values and priorities. I am really thankful for my LE (recovery) for making me see this for the first time, it’s an incredibly transformative way of approaching emotionally painful decisions in general.
I also liked the idea of resisting “drifting” into decisions. It takes Superhuman strength to end a LE (we could drift inside one endlessly) but it’s a conscious decision with rich rewards. We deserve so much more than the crumbs of a Feast.
“The crumbs of a Feast” that’s such a fantastic way of expressing what you get from limerence for an unsuitable LO!
And yes, when she mentioned drifting it also reminded me of this excellent blog post https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/
@Reader,
I had forgotten about this post with the highly developed nautical metaphor! Ha!! Thanks for triggering a reread.
I’ve found that even as a recovering limerent it’s highly important to regularly pause and reexamine goals and hobbies and purpose because in quiet moments of reverie … insidious nostalgia can sneak in … do you feel the same??
@Jaideux (not sure why it’s not letting me reply to your comment directly) absolutely I feel the same! It’s one of the reasons I find addiction a convincing framework for limerence: recovery has to be an ongoing effort. I actually try to think and write a little bit [even just a sentence or two] about steps I’m taking to achieve purpose, every day. It’s especially helpful on the “bad” days. Because you know, limerence is really such a sneaky thing … you feel OK and then one day you’re stressed, or sad, or [insert any other unpleasant emotion] and the thoughts come crawling back in … Remaining grounded and thinking “this person obstructs my purpose and the pursuit of a fruitful future” helps to let the nostalgia subside.
“this person obstructs my purpose and the pursuit of a fruitful future”
That needs to be a framed cross stitch or a Tshirt or a refrigerator magnet.
🙂
Haha, it would be a great tshirt! inspired by the collective wisdom in this wonderful community 🙂
Hmm. Merch store?
HA! Yes, Dr. L, long overdue. 🙂
A merch store of some everyday items with nuggets of LwL wisdom on them! and maybe some books too 🙂