This is the biographical post. Feel free to skip, if looking for more universal themes.
I suppose my first experience of limerence was a crushing crush on a girl at school (we were both 16/17 at the time). She was short, and pretty, with long brown hair, and no interest in me. I gazed at her in Biology lessons. And thought about her relentlessly. I eventually plucked up the courage to tell her, and suffered the crushing pain of rejection (somewhat leavened by the deep-down awareness that it was bloody obvious she didn’t feel the same). There was some relief from the telling and the certainty of disclosure, and looking back, I think it would be more accurate to describe it as proto-limerence (I certainly got over it quickly enough when I left school).
My second experience of limerence was the real thing. I was at university, and had a few simmering attractions, but nothing too noteworthy until I met LO1. She was completely inappropriate for the earnest young man that I was. Loud (gobby even), eight years older, smart-alec, a smoker and frequent user of illicit substances, tatooed and pierced (when that wasn’t a commonplace), engaged to someone else, and underneath the brash and confident exterior, deeply vulnerable and emotionally wounded. I liked her immediately. Many of my friends did not. Most importantly, in retrospect, there was obvious mutual sexual attraction (even obvious to a naif like me – LO1 wasn’t subtle). We spent a lot of time together, got drunk together, and I got more and more addicted. It was an optimal mix for limerence. She was engaged (adversity!), but her fiancé was often away for long periods (hope!). She was obviously interested (reciprocation!), but would back off from guilt or shame (uncertainty!). I meanwhile, pined and obsessed and desperately tried and failed to stop the intrusive thoughts and, you know, do some studying. In the end, I got so frustrated that I started dating someone else. Someone perfect for me. Someone single (good start), pretty, quirky and funny, who helped out at homeless shelters and animal sanctuaries (I’m not exaggerating), and who didn’t stand a chance in hell of securing my affections while LO1 existing in the world. After a few guilt-ridden months I called it off. Lesson learned: you don’t get to choose who you are infatuated with. I still have LO1’s phone number in my wallet.
My third experience of limerence was in my early twenties, when I met my wife. This one is your basic fairytale. Saw her across a crowded room. Knew immediately that this was someone almost certainly wholly inappropriate, and therefore irresistible. Bumped into her in said crowded room and hit it off. Caught the same train together after the party so we could keep talking. Arranged to meet again. And again. Reciprocation, bliss, marriage, kids, lasting affectional bonding.
My fourth experience of limerence was… unexpected after 15 years of happy marriage. It was also the stimulus for me discovering limerence as a concept, and starting this blog. LO3 was a co-worker, and we spent a lot of time together, talking. Knowing what I know now, all the elements are there: the glimmer, uncertainty, adversity, and opportunity for intense interaction and bonding. It felt great. After a long period of contentedness, the thrill of novelty and the mania of limerence. Except now, for the first time in my life, limerence was a net negative force. I felt high a lot of the time, but then went home to my family and could not turn off thoughts about LO3. You can kid yourself for a while that you can handle it, and take the good without having to deal with the bad, but eventually you have to confront the fact that you are telling yourself a convenient lie. Spending “quality” time with my children whilst distracted continuously by thoughts of LO3 was the deciding factor. Some lies are too big to ignore.
So, simple enough: the escalating limerence has to stop. So, I’ll just turn it off then: *turns switch*… *turns switch again*… *turns switch increasingly frantically*… Oh shit.
Then followed a period of introspection, study into male mid-life crises (I’m such a cliche), the discovery of limerence and the road to Damascus moment. I’m making it sound linear, but it wasn’t. In the midst of the angst, I disclosed to my wife what was happening. She wasn’t very happy, but she also knows me so well that she had had an inkling. There followed some frank and… emotionally charged conversations about the state of our marriage. Once I’d learned about limerence I described it to her. And then came the kicker: she was a serial limerent herself. It turns out that I’m a lightweight. All through our marriage, she has wrestled with the same issues. Hooray! Crap!
So, we are now emerging from a rather tumultuous period. Our marriage has lost some of the innocence of ignorance, but we are both wiser and better equipped to face the challenge of limerence in the future. No more fairytales, but then that’s not a sensible way to live, after all.
I no longer work with LO3, but I still see her occasionally. We keep the topics of conversation light, and the limerence has faded. She’s still one of my favourite people to spend time with, but I know that friendship is impossible, and I’m OK with that.
After rereading this, it dawned on me that I haven’t had 3 LOs, I had 4. The girl I dated in college sounds remarkably like the girl you dated. She was an unsuitable LTR candidate but one whole load of fun to hang out with.
She’d blow hot and cold. One thing I noticed was she usually had to have a few drinks in her before having sex. I told a friend that I found it somewhat demoralizing that she didn’t appear to want to have sex with me when she was sober. He asked if she was drunk/stoned or sober when she arrived. She was always stone cold sober. He said she wanted to have sex and was drinking to get past something.
That something turned out to be her boyfriend in another state. I found out about him later from her roommate. It didn’t stop me, it actually made things easier. As the “other guy,” I wasn’t exactly robbing the bank, I was more like driving the getaway car. No integrity there. Integrity wouldn’t really assert itself for a few more years.
Uncertainty, intermittent reinforcement, hope, it was all there.
Yeah, that’s the cocktail. It doesn’t help that we’re most of us fumbling our way into adult life during college/university and trying to pretend we’re totally cool about all this romance stuff. If ever there was a hotbed for uncertainty, it’s a group of emotionally unsophisticated horny young adults acting like they know what they’re doing, when they don’t.
Here’s a follow-on: How do jealousy and envy relate to limerence?
My LE with LO #1 was the only time in my life that I experienced jealousy. Even though I knew she was unsuitable and we’d ended the acquaintance, it really bothered me. I knew she was going back to her boyfriend. But, the thought of another man’s hands on her drove me nuts.
LO #2 declined my marriage proposal. We had an amicable parting. When she told me she was seeing someone else, it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I wanted to throw up. As she talked, an overwhelming sense of calm came over me like someone had given me a shot of Demerol. What I didn’t feel was jealous. I didn’t care she was sleeping with someone else. Still don’t.
I had a still different reaction with LO #4. When she said she was seeing someone after her breakup, I envied the guy. He had her attention and affection which is something I (thought) I wanted. I thought I wanted her attention and affection. I had told her earlier that I’d envy any man who could earn her trust and respect.
3 LOs, 3 different reactions.
Good question, Sharnhorst. I have a few ideas, but will reflect on it for a bit and then write a post, because it’s often a big issue for limerents.
“I’m such a cliche”
Me too!
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m coming to find there’s a lot of comfort in knowing that all the hugely important, earth-shaking moments of LE were nothing special at all.
Normal for limerents.
What a relief.
I choose not to consider any previous or proto-LEs and simply (heh) commit to a life of existential nihilism and non-attachment. I tell myself that I will run at the first sign of a glimmer, if I ever have the great misfortune to be triggered again.
I am curious about your comment regarding LO1’s phone number. Do you still have that?
I have LO as a contact, but am planning to delete when I go NC and am actively avoiding looking at the number because I know my terribly good memory will hold it for as long as humanly possible.
I never heard of limerence until a few weeks ago and I’m a damned psychologist! But, man oh man was I caught in one until a few weeks ago. It is still there but not as overwhelming as it was two months ago. I had a fleeting fantasy of leaving my thirty year marriage for this woman (not really, but really in some way). I knew my LO for about a year before she said something that indicated she had some sort of interest in me. Prior to that I saw her as this quirky, very pretty woman, but other than that, zilch. But her words to me (I was going to be gone for a week), “I’m going to miss you” and then a few weeks later after she was gone for a week “Did you miss me?” This did something emotionally and physically to my heart. A tremendous upwelling of affection and adoration poured forth. I felt it physically in my chest. It felt like I had been living in an emotional desert for years and suddenly it was Spring time. I associated songs of love and loss with her. I would sob in my car thinking that I could never be with her. I had fantasies of declaring my love to her. But my fantasies ended there. I never thought of what she’d say back to me. Interesting. I knew something was really out of whack with me so I started to do some research and found this informal diagnostic term of limerence. Damn, did it fit. So, I’ve stopped listening to the songs. I see this woman a few times a week, but she’s slowly turning back to what she was before, a casual friend. Ideally I would go no contact with her, but circumstances don’t allow it. But I do miss my LO who is a lovely fantasy.
It always blows my mind reading another experience SO SIMILAR to mine. Thank you for sharing. It’s shocking/comforting/sad/relieving. I’m also coming off a recent limerent episode, a terribly intense one. I was at 100% thoughts of this person all day long for about 6 weeks. Then it dipped down to 20% for a week or so and this week I’m around 40%. I was missing it and I’ve been triggering myself with memories and photos of this person and songs and it’s getting more intense again. But not like it was before thank god. I feel insane. I am no longer around this person physically (we worked a short job together away from where I live) and if I’m busy throughout the day it seems to keep away for long chunks of time (well NOW it does – for those 6 weeks it didn’t matter what I did, my LO shrouded every single thought I had and every movement I made all day long and it was absolutely exhausting and also thrilling) but when I’m not busy, the thoughts swoop in and I feel so sad yet comforted for a little while. Damn. It’s such a beast. I ache so badly to know this person in an intimate way. I’ve been married for 15 years. I love my partner. But the longing and keeping the secret of the longing, it’s just overwhelming sometimes.
I too worked with LO temporarily for about 4-5 months. And in that time she went from a pleasant co-worker to an LO. When she hit that trigger it went blank. My brain was only thinking of her. It’s been 23 years we have been married. We’ve had our ups and downs but I love my wife. But this woman got in my head. Like she got in my head that I spoke of her subconsciously, as in speaking her name and things about her in my sleep.
I have not seen or spoken to LO in over a year. But yeah I get the triggers. For me it is mostly music. I listen to songs that remind me of her. I try to keep most other things under wraps, checking her social media. But for the most part music is the easiest to escape with. And difficult to avoid even when I try to listen to “neutral” songs.
Idle time does indeed lead to intrusive thoughts of LO. Not a healthy plan but I find some drinks and occupying myself with some of my hobbies help my brain stay active on something other than LO. I stayed home from work sick yesterday and it was difficult to direct my mind elsewhere while I laid in bed in between sleep and awake. Thankfully the intrusive thoughts have subsided for the most part. Now it’s more my own active choice to dwell on her or not. Thankfully I am at least aware enough to maintain NC and let her live her life. She met someone that makes her happy and cares for her. And she deserves that.
Those deep down feelings you felt for her are very reminiscent of feelings I have for my LO. Difference being that you know her and my LO is all about fantasy. I do all the same things. I listen to sad songs, ruminate, weep, just that whole upwelling of affection and desire to be with LO, like you mention. This has been on ongoing thing with me for over a year now.
You must also have a really strong marriage to be able to quell your feelings like that. Good for you. Limerence has overall been a roller coaster of emotion for me. I really wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Thanks for sharing your story. I wish more therapists and psychologists knew more about this condition. I swear a Therapist I tried talking to about this, reacted like I lost my mind. It’s crazy..
Hey MJ,
My limerence formed when my wife and I were having a rough time. We felt estranged from one another and actually talked calmly about the possibility of divorce. Spooky stuff. I think this fed into the limerence. But my wife and I are good now. We started spending a lot of time together and it brought us closer together. I love my wife and she loves me. But I was “in” love with my LO which was intoxicating but in so many ways not real. My feelings created/projected an ideal other that can’t exist. I find it interesting that my feelings toward my LO had not a hint of sexual desire and I am a very sexual person. Limerence seems to be all from “the heart” at least for me.
For myself, I can say that I mainly feel a lot of heart for my LO, wanting to be with her, hang out, go to movies, go to dinner, normal relationship stuff. But I also can feel a ton of sexual desire, if I allow myself to go there. She is a very attractive Woman, and much younger than myself. I am 52 and she is 28. We are co-workers.. Well almost, I should say. We work for the same company, spread out through 3 different buildings, and she now works in the facility next door to me.
I have probably been somewhat limerent my entire life. Having strong attractions for many different females and even while I was married. I was divorced in 2011 but limerence was not the reason. It wasn’t until about a year ago, when another relationship of mine unraveled and since I had been working with LO for a few months then, I tried to get her attention in the office. Noticing her as I would pass and try to catch her eye. It worked and one happy Friday upon my passing she smiled at me. Which was like a limerence meteorite (I call it) hitting my heart and my feelings for her just exploded that day. The glimmer was so intense. I’d never felt anything like it. Still can’t wish it away. So if any of my other love interests were limerent, they were very pale comparison to what this experience has felt like.
Wow… “a limerence meteorite”. You nailed it. My current LO, the same thing happened. We also worked together (no longer because it was a temporary job) but it was long enough that there was a routine we had and one day they suddenly turned around and smiled right at me and it’s like my whole body exploded with glimmer dust and I was a goner. It’s like I had never felt to alive. Too bad we’re both married :/
I brought breakfast to work one day. She asked “Adam did you buy breakfast?”. I said “Yes.” And she smiled and said “I’m starving, thank you Adam you are so sweet.” And like MJ says and like the magic summons spell in Final Fantasy 7, the glimmer meteorite hit me and I couldn’t do anything about it.
Bob,
I never had sexual feelings or thoughts of LO either. And in my older age my libido has ramp up since my early 30’s. And LO (former co-worker) was a very beautiful and fit woman. In fact, when she started seeing someone (she was single when I first met her) people would always misinterpret my body language or facial expression when I’d seem them together as jealousy. But it wasn’t. I just wanted to make sure he kept is hands to himself. Cause I know how some men can be. So I got teased endlessly by my other co-workers when he’d come see her that I was jealous lol
Same! When I try to talk to therapists about it they act like I’m speaking jibberish and I’m always brushed off. It’s maddening. One finally knew and taught me about love addiction. They didn’t use the term limerence but they at least understood what I was going through and gave me some tools to help.
Dr L – I just found your blog after listening to the “Recovery Room” podcast at 3am on Monday eve. I’m so glad I did!
I am also a midlife cliche. My current LE involves a very attractive man from my gym, 12 years younger than me (I’m 49, he is 37). We are both married with kids. We started talking to each other about a year ago. He was friendly and chatty without being a nuisance. I looked forward to seeing him when we would run into each other. But I quickly felt some flirtation on his side, from which I initially tried to hide. I didn’t want him to “like” me, only to realize I was so much older and maybe not “on his level.” But he was pretty persistent, so I let myself go with it, despite feeling the “glimmer” coming on. I enjoyed his attention and compliments and how he would linger around to talk to me. We connected on social media. But at certain points, he would go a little distant, and leave me feeling like I was the pursuer. I am not a chaser, so the moment I felt the push on his side, I would feel irrationally deflated but after a period of time, I’d make peace with it. He would always come back around though, and I began feeling addicted to this inconsistent attention. I found myself feeling ok as long as he’d like my pictures on social media. I craved his validation. Eventually, he began texting me. The messages were flirty and suggestive but playful. He would send me selfies, then ask the same from me. Later, it became more aggressive with naked pictures and sexting. I found myself thinking about him constantly. Unable to focus on family or work or anything. My moods were completely dictated by the attention I received from him, or lack thereof. I realized I had to pull back. As attracted as I am, I don’t want to have an affair and I don’t want to get caught messing around over text. The messages would stop for a while, then we’d see each other and it would start all over again. I once again had to tell him to stop, and this time I think he was annoyed. It’s been 2 months since we’ve seen each other. He stopped liking my pictures, and it almost feels like a punishment, like he’s cut me off. My predicament now is that I’m so preoccupied with getting him to want me again, seeking his validation and approval. I almost feel powerless without it, like I’ve resigned all of my self worth to this one guy and his opinion of me. And it’s not even because I want HIM per se! I want the approval and validation he provides. It just seems ridiculous that this external person has a stranglehold over my sense of self worth, even though this is not the first time I’ve experienced LE 🙁
Wow. Yes. I feel this so deeply. “A stranglehold over my sense of self worth…” Exactly. When I have LOs attention, it’s the most intense high I’ve ever felt in my life. And when he seems distant…I dissolve.
Don’t know if anyone will read this, probably not, cause there a lot of people with lot of stories to tell but still my story still little differs in who was my LO and in my age. I’m fourteen and it’s my like fifty years old teacher and don’t judge me please, or think that I’m crazy. I tried to do like everything I can or suppress my feelings but I still didn’t tell anyone. I’m starting to open up a little bit to my mum and that when someone treats me nicely I have the tendency to idealize them that they’re so perfect and amazing. Probably a result of being seven years on school where they verbally and psychologically bullied me. I am a little different, probably a little autistic. Not fully blown aspie but something is there. And I was in my previous school the only one in the class who was introverted, quiet and yeah maybe I was little weird, I’m not offended when someone thinks that I’m weird. And in case of my mom it’s understandable too, her attachment issues, she has some trauma from childhood and her grandmother and my grand-grand mother, well she has some trauma too.
SKIP THAT ONE IF YOU WANT NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO LIMERENCE JUST BACKGROUND INFORMATION🔽
So it keeps going on in generations. My grand-grandma grew in foster house, she was born in 1940 and in that time, we all know that in foster houses or orphanages there weren’t any good circumstances to live in, so she didn’t grew up with any loving parents, my grand-grandma, she never learned how to form normal relationship with people, so she carried it on her children. She’s very controlling, manipulative etc. Possibly narcissistic but we won’t get into that here, that’s another story.
So recently I transformed schools. And my head teacher, well she’s my LO. She’s a very nice, sweet person, and I don’t say that just under influence of limerence. Even my mom met her few times and she thinks it too, she wish there would be more people like her. Well, one day I was little bit sad in school. And my LO, she came to me and she asked my why am I sad, in like nice and sweet way and it was a lunch break and she asked if I’m going to eat. I didn’t eat much in school, I just didn’t feel comfortable eating in front of other people, social anxiety is a bitch sometimes. Obviously I couldn’t say that to her. And after that, I got completely attached to her. Like I noticed every look and every move from her towards me and a pretty long time I thought she knows that I’m, crushing on her or something or she wouldn’t treat me so nice, would she? My self esteem was already so damaged that I just couldn’t imagine that someone would see me as normal and not an outsider or a total loser and they would treat me nice. I had created a habit. I was falling asleep by songs, certain songs that I liked and I was replaying them over and over and thought about my LO. And now whenever I listen to that songs, I still catch that nice feelings and memories. Basically the high of limerence and the euphoria. And now it keeps going on, the mental state I’m in, even though it’s already a year and the first phase of seeing everything through rose glasses passed, the crazy feeling like you’re in love, butterflies and that shit. And I’ve got a lot of self awareness about myself and even though I know I don’t feel as much as crazy about her as I used to, I still feel something. Plus I don’t know if my limerence doesn’t feel as crazy because I have some self control and if I didn’t have that it would all break down, or if my limerence is really getting weaker. It really isn’t helping that I see her everyday, sometimes few times a day and I have regular contact with her and conversations. It really affects me greatly in really many ways. For example my urge to socialize got stronger and I get random ,, crushes” if I can even call it like that or attachments when someone else talks to me because I’m trying to fill the hole and emptiness I feel when I’m not with her. I know, she’s grown up woman, I’m fourteen, she’s married I’m suffering totally for no reason but I was trying to fight it in my mind and I can’t that would kill me. So I’m trying still to fight it but just not as strongly.
Tell me what to do. Cause I’m leaving for high school in few months and I really don’t want to start that chapter of my life by missing someone and being sad, thank you. I also have obsessive thoughts how beautiful she is and all that. Is that limerence or am I just tripping, someone please. I don’t want to tell it anyone in my family, I’m scared they would totally judged me and think that I’m a psychopath or something. Also she buys me Caprisons sometimes, she bought me even an ice cream once. So I know she cares about me in some way or another, but she cares about every student like that. She cares about me but not in the way I want to. I understand, now please my brain let my subconscious understand that too
I see a lot of myself at that age in you. Autism-adjacent, quiet, “weird.” Crushes on teachers are perfectly normal. At your age, the hormones are racing. I’m sure she does care about you–in an appropriate teacher-student way. Hopefully going to high school will soon bring you new people to crush on and help you get over your limerence.
I can see why you’re struggling, Therese. Your teacher made you feel wanted and cared about. You enjoyed those feelings so when you weren’t with your teacher you thought about those moments to trigger your feel-good emotions. You have been doing this for a while and you probably daydreamed about your LO, too. She sounds like a lovely woman. It sounds like she genuinely cares about you in an appropriate teacher/student way. What now? You were getting an emotional high from thinking about your LO, but now you’re dreading that you won’t see her when you go to high school. It sounds like you have a decision to make. Is your limerent experience serving you? Is it time to work on other relationships?
I recommend that you replace thoughts of LO with something else. I used the comments section of LwL, candy crush and running videos on YouTube to distract myself from daydreaming about my LO. I don’t know what interests you, but try to think of something that is interesting enough to distract you. Try to avoid negative coping mechanisms like inappropriate stuff on the internet. We don’t need to make the situation worse than it already is.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you will be okay. It will get better.
Hi Therese,
Welcome to LwL. Dont panic. It does sound like limerence, there is a test on the main homepage that you can take – to see if you are limerent (more than likely).
We have had some younger people post on here. I will try to look up those posts and copy them here for you, or some of the people who are here longer than me will remember their names/ aliases as it was a while ago. In most cases, they were limerent for a classmate rather than a teacher. Obviously there are barriers for you because she is your teacher. Its very understandable when you say that you are worried about leaving school and losing contact with this teacher, who sounds as though she has been so kind and caring of you. As a teacher myself, I can imagine that you are very important to her and she wants you to reach your full potential. Try not to worry about anything. All of us here are in a very similar situation with strong feelings for someone when we should not (due to barriers). So there is no judgement, dont worry about that. I fund that reading other people’s experiences on the blogs as well as Dr L’s advice in the blog archive, has been hugely helpful to me. (I am two years into my limerent event (LE)) and its still going strong.
Wishing you well.
Therese
First off I am glad that you have found this community. Often us limerence feel our limerence is shameful and embarrassing so we feel we have no one to talk to. But you can open up with whatever you feel comfortable to share here. There are many married and single limerents here whose LOs are married or in a large age gap or the LO doesn’t share the same sexual preference. So fret not that people will judge. In limerence my limerent object was much younger than me.
“Tell me what to do.”
I can offer some suggestions at least. Is there any particular reason it was this woman? Does she remind you of someone her age that you had/have a fond relationship with? Is it her behavior that is familiar to you? For instance my exLO reminded me greatly of an old flame I had way back before I got married. That was my trigger. I wanted to relive what I wanted from this girl from in my 20’s. And like your teacher she was sweet and kind and did things for me. She was a fellow co-worker. Had I been able to pinpoint my trigger I might have made it out of limerence earlier.
Getting to know her as a person as much as a student would a teacher. If you talk to her and ask her “safe” question about herself, her family or why she wanted to be a teacher you might start seeing her as who she really is, not the idealized person you have made in your head.
Try to make friendships with other people if you can find someone that seems to be like you a little. Perhaps between the bulling and your introversion you are just craving some friendship and a pretty, nice, sweet teacher is a likely candidate. Don’t beat yourself up too bad about it.
“Cause I’m leaving for high school in few months and I really don’t want to start that chapter of my life by missing someone and being sad, thank you.”
This is a difficult one because it is really difficult to block the limerent brain. But like I said above a healthy relationship with your teacher will make you leaving the school (if that is the inevitable outcome) much easier. Try to hold on to the memories of your teacher before you felt the euphoria of limerence. I don’t know how long that you have had this teacher. But at this point reliving those pre-limerent memories may help. You don’t want to (this is personal opinion as this is an option for some limerents) devalue your teacher just because you became limerent. From all accounts you’ve listed she seems like a very kind and caring teacher and woman.
“I also have obsessive thoughts how beautiful she is and all that. Is that limerence or am I just tripping, someone please.”
I personally wouldn’t say that it is the limerence entirely. If she is an attractive woman than she is an attractive woman. My exLO was a very attractive woman. What happened with me might be where the obsessive part comes in. I started seeing her as perfect. Any slight someone slang her way, even if it was constructive I was immediately at her defense. Defending even mild comments negatively towards her to a fault as she was the most perfect woman in the world. Now that IS limerence. No one is perfect.
” She cares about me but not in the way I want to.”
Yeah that can be pretty heart breaking. And while you know LO is unavailable. Yours is married and age gap is massive or me I am married and shouldn’t be seeking the attention of another woman. But the limerence masks that so that we justify our words and actions with our LOs. My exLO was a very sweet lady too. Always thankful when I did something for her at work. I even met one of her daughters and one day at work they both played an innocent prank on me lol
“I had created a habit. I was falling asleep by songs, certain songs that I liked and I was replaying them over and over and thought about my LO. And now whenever I listen to that songs, I still catch that nice feelings and memories.”
Lastly, this is probably it was/is for me, the hardest thing to snap out of. Because now songs from even when I was your age started becoming “LO songs”. Song after song after song. I compiled a 150 plus playlist on youtube of “LO songs”. And for the most part I have had to stay away from them. The limerence even stole some songs that I normally associated with my wife.
Music is wonderful. One of the best part of being human. But trying to come out of limerence is almost a harder addiction to overcome than the limerence itself. But slowly I have been bringing songs from that playlist over to one I am now compiling to associate with my wife again. So I am not sure what to advise when it comes to music. Maybe a genre that rarely makes that kind of music. Like I like rap a lot so I have been listening to that playlist lately to stay away from the love songs.
Therese I hope that you feel welcome to continue to post here. If you have any questions you can post them to me or the community in general. No one will judge you. We don’t have a whole lot of younger limerents. But I hope that Miss Lovisa, frederico, Miss Marcia or Limerent Nurse will see your post here. They are so magically wonderful councilers. We actually have a poster here that is in the exact reverse case than yours; Jim who might be able to give you some insight. MJ, my good friend, is also great with words and has a daughter himself that he might be able to help you better than me. I’m just the resident old man. Oh and I forget Limerent Emeritus who has a wealth of knowledge and life experience when it comes to limerence and relationships. But I am gonna wrap this up because I feel I am about to test whether or not there is a character limit to post on this site lol
update. i got an update, a big one. it may not be limerence, it may not or it may is but there’s like 75% chance it’s not and all these feelings are normal because let me explain. this woman. damn. really, damn. well.
QUOTING FROM MY LAST POST AND UPDATING:
“And my head teacher, well she’s my LO. She’s a very nice, sweet person, and I don’t say that just under influence of limerence. Even my mom met her few times and she thinks it too, she wish there would be more people like her”
“I don’t want to tell it anyone in my family, I’m scared they would totally judged me and think that I’m a psychopath or something”
My mum met her again now and shel completely fell in love with her. I’m going to tell you some things she said about her. She said she’s (my teacher, I’m going to use T for her ) a literal angel and the only thing she’s missing is angel wings. She admired her beautiful eyes, she literal said puppy eyes and that’s what i think all along. puppy blue eyes. mom said she thinks that T has something, an aura possibly that no one else has. recently some other random teacher said about T that she’s the purest soul she knows or something like that. my mom also said things about how “womanish” she is like elegant, fragile, soft. She also said how nice she must have looked when she was younger, when she looks like this in 53. Btw i don’t think i love her romantically anymore i think it’s more like mother-daughter relationship. even my mom said how she cares about everyone in a motherly way🥺 as you can see my family at least my mum really doesn’t think that im a psychopath and crazy. i think opening up to my mum really helped me. also my mum was sitting and T was standing back to her. and my mom just randomly said how nice figure she keeps in that age that she has a lot better figure than some young teenage girls or more like women in their twenties. so as you can see, how can i think that this is limerence when my mum has the EXACT EXACT thoughts as me? it’s not possible that my mom is limerence too after seeing her like four times for like twenty minutes each time.
also me and my mom have very similar personalities like we sometimes really share one brain cell🥴 genes are strong.
thoughts?
i sit at the first desk and i see her up close and i still get hypnotized and “dizzy” from her blue eyes like she’s that beautiful i can’t. sorry. I’m fifteen. I don’t even know what do i feel for her i just know im sometimes interested in other people but at the same time i want to spend all my time with her
“mom said she thinks that T has something, an aura possibly that no one else has.”
Therese
First off good to hear from you again. Glad to see things seem to be taking a turn for the better. I think that there are indeed people that have very unique auras even outside of limerence. But I also believe that a person’s aura does play a devastating role it someone becoming limerent for them.
I’ve felt auras in all kinds of ways and with all kinds of different people. When I listen to a sermon at church, the preacher just makes me feel so at peace. His aura is that he genuinely wants to help people. His tone of voice, his body language all convey that I can relax and listen.
I hope that things continue to being less distressing to you since you have to go to school and learn. So it is hard to not to make contact. But you seem to have a handle on it a bit more than when you first posted here. Congratulations young lady!
Therese, thanks for the update. I might understand what you mean about how someone can just be really special. We had a subcontractor who used to leave me breathless. I couldn’t tell you what was so special about this man, but when he was around, I couldn’t think clearly. One time he needed to print an invoice and I insisted that he use my office. He had his laptop and I actually used my arm to push my stuff off my desk so he would have space to set up his laptop. He awkwardly said, “Are you sure I should use your office because I could use the conference room.” I wanted him close to me and any excuse would do. I thought he just had this affect on me, but when he walked past the secretary, she stood up. We both watched him leave the building. She broke the silence when she said, “Wow!” Then I replied, “I know.” It took both of us a minute to regain our senses. We just stood there looking at the door where he had departed. I have never been so affected by a man who I didn’t know well. I guess some people just have an alluring presence. It sounds like your teacher is alluring.
Here is what I would say to Lovisa if she were to encounter that subcontractor again. That person is just an acquaintance. Don’t make a fool of yourself, Lovisa. Be polite and treat him the way you would treat any other subcontractor. Don’t fantasize that he’ll have a reason to visit your office. Don’t daydream about him. You can enjoy his presence when he visits, but put it into perspective and don’t do something you’ll regret later. Just treat him like a normal human being.
I would say the same to you, Therese. Treat your teacher like a teacher. Maintain normal student/teacher boundaries. Try not to think about her when she isn’t around.
Good luck!
she’s the one who didn’t maintain the boundaries in the first place, she’s the one who bought me already three caprisons( this has some background story, i explained it in the first post) she asks regularly if i drink enough or eat enough more if i drink that eat. she also bought me ice cream once on a trip cause everybody was buying ice cream i just wasn’t idk why and idk if she thought i didn’t have money, i had, but she bought me an ice cream. i do not break any boundaries, still have that under control, I’m very introverted and shy type, never would have any courage to do something more do some brave step. there was definitely more affection to me from her side. but really to understand it you have to read my previous post
You have a good point, Therese. I’m glad that you are maintaining healthy boundaries. I remember your original post and I was glad that you came back. It is interesting that your teacher had an effect on your mom, too. I can see how her kind gestures increase your interest in her. Wow, this is a tricky situation. Are you experiencing less distress than you were experiencing when you made your original post? I noticed that you seem to worry that you are a psychopath. This experience that you are having with your teacher isn’t a symptom of psychopathy. Not at all. Does that help?