Another month, another visit to LwL virtual coffeehouse.
Today’s conversation starter is a wryly double-meaninged title about muses.
It comes from a tweet (still calling them that) that I saw the other day:
I think this exchange captures one of the dilemmas at the heart of limerence.
It can provide a massive boost of energy and creativity, but at the cost of spiralling into a mental state that feels like psychosis.
Do you use that altered mental state to create something wild and extraordinary, or do you resist and try to avoid the risk of destroying your soul?
As I’ve opined before, it’s possible that Rue may get her pill, but would that mean we never got to read Chloe’s book?
Lots of artists have a muse. Sometimes it’s a real flesh-and-blood lover who is essentially a limerent object (like Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera). Sometimes it’s a particular fixation on someone the artist is enchanted by, that flares up and becomes an obsession (think Girl with a Pearl Earring). Sometimes it’s a sort of transcendent experience, where the muse becomes the embodiment of perfection and beauty (like Dante and Beatrice).
In the latter cases, the artist has somehow sublimated limerence into an abstract ideal, a form of Courtly love that transports them. A sort of religious passion, rather than earthly passion.
It’s rare that artists and their muses have a straightforward relationship. It’s usually a destructive, chaotic, creative, life-affirming and soul-damaging tempest of a connection.
That kind of makes sense, if you think about it.
As limerence consumes you, you seek more of it as a positive influence on your creative energy. You don’t moderate, stabilise, regulate; you embrace, abandon, surrender.
Viewed as person addiction, artists who have a LO for a muse are “chasing the dragon”. Seeking a high that becomes more elusive and less intoxicating over time.
Devoting your life to that pursuit rarely ends well… but are the artefacts you create along the way worth it?
So, that’s the opening thought to kick off today’s discussions. Have you ever chased a limerence dragon only to have it turn around and burn you up?
I don’t consider myself a creative person, so no, I have never been in a muse-type situation of any kind.
I did want to report that my progress is slow, but it’s progress. LO’s house went back up on the market after numerous delays. I went online to look at the photos, and I got bored. I realized with some satisfaction that I’m getting tired of his house, which is a relief.
I also saw LO at Starbucks yesterday. He spent two hours detailing all of the horrors that real estate people and the IRS have heaped onto him. And I’m not being snarky–he has every right to be upset. I listened patiently, as always. But I also noticed I was getting bored.
His problems are real, and they’re exhausting. I am grateful that I lead a much simpler life and don’t have all the unpleasant financial entanglements that he has. When I met him, I thought he was exciting. But I was wrong, he’s just extremely tiring. One crisis after another.
It was a relief to get home and to realize that I don’t have to solve any of his problems.
“artists who have a LO for a muse are “chasing the dragon”. Seeking a high that becomes more elusive and less intoxicating over time.”
When LO is also an artist/a creative soul, then the fuse of “limerence dragon & limerence phoenix” (based on Chinese mythology) makes the art history, as well as an inspirational and happy love-union.
Georgia O’Keeffe et Alfred Stieglitz
Sophie Taeuber-Arp and Jean Arp
Dora Maar and Pablo Picasso
Yoko Ono and John Lennon
Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera
Niki de Saint Phalle and Jean Tinguely
Lee Miller and Man Ray
Lee Krasner and Jackson Pollock
Gabriele Münter and Wassily Kandinsky
Gala and Salvador Dalí
Sonia Delaunay and Robert Delaunay
Elaine de Kooning and Willem de Kooning
Jeanne-Claude and Christo
Jo Nivison Hopper and Edward Hopper
Camille Claudel and Auguste Rodin
Harriet was an actress, not a creative artist herself, so Berlioz and her marriage lasted only 4 years (he financially supported her until her death). His revolutionary, autobiographical piece “Symphonies Fantastique” has immortalized the sensation of Limerence — idée fixe.
“Devoting your life to that pursuit rarely ends well… but are the artefacts you create along the way worth it?”
Some would think the artefacts are worth it, ie. Virginia Woolf’s “Orlando”, Joyce’s “Odyssey”, Kerouac’s “On the road”, Fitzgerald’s “This side of paradise” & “the Great Gatsby”, Yeats’ poetry collection…. The process of creating is not only intoxicating and fulfilling to the artists but their works aesthetically, artistically, philosophically benefit humanity.
I think/hope, less artistic limerents could soar their creative wings through their limerence wind in moderation (monitored by the logical mind); but are also able to ground their feet in Stoic/reality soil when no wind blows in the sky.
Channeling limerence energy into creativity can be more beneficial for limerents themselves and the society than merely “using” LO as a walking drug to indulge in LE fantasy.
Doctor Zhivago was inspired by an LO who was also the author’s affair partner.
Here is an example of taking a limerence muse way too far:
https://youtu.be/OVH5H1WGT6s?si=d-4TGdWkqKfFvSa_
Some of my best writing was inspired by an LE that went sour, such as my most recent novel, which was actually inspired by two previous LE’s. But in the midst of an LE, if it’s going happily, I’m more likely to be daydreaming about the LO instead of coming up with inspiration. 🙂
The story in the song is totally unrequited limerence and too creepy; those historical, famous artists’ love/limerence were reciprocated through marriage or a consummated relationship (as a lover or partner) at least for a period of time.
You’re amazing to be able to write a novel inspired by two previous LEs! During that sour LE, did you have any Hope to be reciprocated?
Berlioz recorded/dramatized his entire LE in idée fixe, with a HOPE that he’d win Harriet’s heart, he did! Too bad, she could not match his creativity in their marriage.
Most masterpieces of artistic works were inspired by a muse, either in LE or real love. However, those highly talented artist/writer (couples) were scarce in the history.
I would certainly HOPE for the LE to be reciprocated, but it wouldn’t be. It could be a breakup or a one-sided pining that was never mutual.
Sorry I am so talkative. I wish I could feel more grateful about all the progress I have made. I’m doing fairly well getting through my limerence, but I certainly have not lost my capacity for self-loathing.
I was noticing something about LO the other day. He is friendly and pleasant to everyone. When I first knew him, I was surprised that he was so nice to me, but I see now that he’s that way with everyone. What makes me disgusted with myself is this. I think my infatuation with LO started with him expressing concern by asking about my cancer surgery several years ago. I was touched that he even remembered. I am actually surprised that he remembered, because I know him pretty well now, and his memory is terrible.
What nauseates me about this is that he treats everyone this way, and somehow, at the time, it made me feel special. I am obviously not the least bit special to him.
What on earth is wrong with me that I would see this bit of kindness as anything at all noteworthy?
I will mention that I have been treated pretty badly by my ex-husband and my three adult children, and am always surprised when anyone is nice to me. I will also mention that LO was more concerned about my cancer than my children were. But still.
It makes me feel very foolish.
Norma
You are not alone in this and should not feel foolish. I have had the same thoughts. Though I suspect I have some attachment anxiety from childhood, I do not feel that I have ever been treated badly by anyone close to me; I now see that I was wanting some kind of connection with my LO because he represented some kind of ideal to me. Because limerence alters one’s perception I completely misinterpreted my LO’s attention and apparent interest. I think most of us have. I am no stranger to self-loathing but in my more clearheaded moments I come back to this explanation.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
To Impatient Limerent:
Thank you for your kind thoughts and wise words.
ND,
Self-loathing seems to be a near universal phase for a recovering limerent. It will pass, hopefully sooner than later. From Self-loathing, the process seems to transition to “What was I thinking?!” There’s usually overlap until you’re out of one and into the other.
Song of the Post: “I Hate Myself for Loving You” – Joan Jett
https://youtu.be/bpNw7jYkbVc?is=jKMlFOy1POctPOlL
To L.E.:
I actually put this song on my playlist a while back because of your recommendation. It’s very apt.
I am already in the “what was I thinking?” phase. I have been in that state for a while, noticing how thoughtless and uncaring LO can be. He’s superficially kind to everyone, but once you get to know him, there’s really nothing underneath. He’s under enormous stress, and all of his mental energy goes to dwelling on his own problems.
Which just makes me feel worse when I realize that I mis-took his surface-level pleasantries for anything of substance.
I think this is why his relationships haven’t worked out. He told me a story last week about the messy ending of a relationship he had. I already knew about this person, but he gave me some details I hadn’t known before. For the first time, I really sympathized with the other man–I think I have more in common with the other man than I do with LO. I think I understand how the other man felt, even though I don’t condone the cruel things he did. LO is a force of nature, completely self-absorbed, and I can see how the former partner could get so frustrated and angry.
I’M frustrated and angry, and my contact with LO is minimal, compared with someone who was completely enmeshed personally and financially for several years. I got upset because it never occurred to LO to text me on Mother’s Day, even though he knows that’s the worst day of the year for me. Imagine being his live-in partner, and also being employed by him. The other man must have felt completely under LO’s thumb, overshadowed and unappreciated.
Re musing about limerence.
I think I do the opposite. My creativity is what I do to exercise “purposeful living” and makes me feel more in control of my life and less in need of the brain chemicals that limerence provides.
I have been creative these last few months and it’s helped me feel much happier and less limerent for a long time. My limerent episode started at a time when I was prevented from exercising my creativity or doing any of the things that enable me to be me.
I did think that maybe I could create something that expresses the strong emotions from my limerent episode, but creative ideas on that topic haven’t arrived, and anyway, the world already has plenty of angst-ridden artworks.