Sometimes a crush can become so powerful that it dominates your life. If you just can’t get them out of your head, can’t free yourself from their magnetic attraction, and just aren’t able to move on, it is likely you have fallen into a state of limerence.
The reason you can’t get over your crush is that you have accidentally trained yourself into a mental habit of constantly seeking them. The excitement and euphoria of that initial romantic connection makes them the central focus of your life, and because it feels so intoxicating and good, you don’t resist. But if you cultivate that crush for too long, it can turn into something closer to an addiction. Without realising it, you program yourself into a mental fixation that is very hard to shake off.
Romantic attachment is one of the most powerful emotional drives that people have. It’s hugely rewarding. A whole cocktail of neurotransmitters and hormones conspire to give you a massive natural high of bliss, because the prospect of bonding with this amazing other person is so appealing.
Normally, this is a good spur to get you amorous, and motivate you to seek more of their company, get to know them, and see whether they might possibly feel the same way and… be up to get down.
But, life being what it is, most crushes go nowhere. For one reason or another, things don’t work out. They are not available, or you are not available, or they are not interested in anything more than friendship. If you can sort this all out quickly, then the prospects for getting over the crush are good. If you express your feelings, and they either reciprocate (hooray!) or give you an unambiguous rejection (boo!), then you at least have the satisfaction of knowing you were courageous enough to try, but it was a romantic dead end.
Unfortunately, real life is often messier. Maybe you were too inhibited to express your feelings and end up in a confusing friendzone. Maybe there are barriers that mean you cannot start a relationship with your crush. Maybe they give you mixed messages – classics include “things are complicated for me right now,” or “I do have feelings for you, but I’m not ready for anything serious,” or “you should stay away from me; I’m bad news!”
That combination of hope with uncertainty is the catalyst for a crush that just won’t die. They give you some hints of attraction, but it comes with enough uncertainty that you just can’t figure out what they want. Or you want.
That makes them the central focus of your internal world. Not only are they dreamy and intoxicating, they are also a riddle to be solved.
An embarrassing amount of your mental energy and time is spent analysing the “relationship” with forensic precision. Reliving times when you were together, rehearsing possible conversations for the next time you’re together, scrutinising texts and emails for deeper meaning, or just plain fantasising about how you and they can end up clasped in blissful union.
So far, so typical – this is what it feels like to get infatuated. But a crush you can’t get over eventually turns sour. You start to get obsessed. You find it hard to concentrate on other things. You crave them – in an unhealthy way that feels like a compulsion more than a reward. In time, the pleasant daydreams turn into intrusive thoughts that won’t leave you alone.
This has gone beyond a crush. This is something else.
Limerence
A crush you can’t get over is a pretty good description for a psychological phenomenon known as limerence. The concept was defined by Professor Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s, following her research into romantic attachment and the infatuation that some people suffer during the early stages of love.
Her ideas proved controversial. Some dismissed them as obvious – simply the invention of an unnecessary new word to describe the symptoms of falling in love. Others were outright sceptical that anyone could be so romantically neurotic, or attach so much emotional importance to another person. Bluntly, people who had experienced limerence had no difficulty accepting its validity, those who had not viewed it as a mental disorder.
With an extra half century of scientific endeavour since Tennov’s social psychology work, we are now able to understand the behavioural observations she made in terms of neuroscience.
The best way to understand limerence is as addiction to another person. You find your crush so intoxicating, it feels impossible to resist their lure. Once you are hooked, you can think of nothing else. When being with them used to make you high, now you need contact just to feel normal. You find it hard to concentrate on everyday tasks. You neglect responsibilities.
And this is often a hidden obsession you feel guilty about – not trusting anyone with a secret shame that you sense is unhinged.
Limerence is an altered mental state that we accidentally train ourselves into by feeding our subconscious the message: your crush is rewarding. Seek more of them.
Overcoming limerence
OK. If you’ve read this far, chances are this all strikes a chord with you. What now?
Well, understanding limerence as addiction to another person isn’t just a useful analogy, it also helps focus on ways to fight back. This site is all about understanding limerence, finding ways to counteract it, and ultimately, integrating it into life in a healthy and purposeful way.
The best way to start on that project is to work your way through the key posts:
- What is limerence
- How does limerence begin?
- The neuroscience of limerence
- Person addiction
- How to get rid of limerence
- The best cure for limerence
- What to do if you are married but limerent for someone else
Those articles take you through the essential knowledge needed to both understand what is going on in your head during a crush that just won’t quit, and how to practically take action to fix the problem.
The resources page is another good jumping off point. That collects the wisdom of the last few years of limerence labour in one place.
And last, but by no means least, the community of fellow limerents at Living with Limerence are an endless source of wisdom and support. Jump into the comments section or private forum for pep talks and war stories.
You can get over a crush. It isn’t easy, but it is possible. Understanding it is the first step on the road to recovery.
I just want to welcome anyone who is new to this site. I learned about limerence 2 years ago, and it diagnosed perfectly my experience. I am at the end of a limerent episode that completely upended my life. I’m married and became mutually limerent for a married man who I trained with. It was one of the most amazing, disruptive, euphoric and devestating events in my life. After a short EA and discovery by my spouse, I cut contact with my limerent object and attempted to heal and repair my marriage. It quickly became apparent that my brain and heart hadn’t gotten the memo that it was over, and I started looking for help. That’s when I found this community. It’s not an exaggeration to say that this site , and the information and tools that I’ve found here, has been a lifesaver. When I got here my limerence was on 15 out of 10- today I’m at a 3-4. My marriage is healing and has, in many ways, never been better. I also feel that I’ve learned so much that I’m armed in case this ever begins to happen again. If you think that these articles describe you, you’ve found an amazing place to work through them.
Agree to all the above, Jane! Same with me about the marriage and NC. Even my timeframe and limerence level are where you are. There is comfort in the camaraderie of finding one’s tribe. Afterall, it was a terrifying realization that the mood swings and hits of euphoria were tied to a person — and such an oh so wrong person under the circumstances.
It’s all getting better instead of bitter, and I am significantly better armed with tools for a meaningful life and marriage. Thank you DrL! I LOVE this website and the support it gives to help with the unexpected complications of life!
I see my crush most days now, and I was over her, but now,not so much. She and I have been friends for over 4 years now, and I have crushed on her on and off the last year. I need help. She doesn’t know. I feel like she has sent me signals accidentally, but I don’t know if she meant them.
Wow I hope I can get there too some day. My obsessive thoughts are getting worse and worse and no contact has been horrible. My LO was my trainer too and I I crushed on him for 6 years. Last year I did something I never thought I would do and had an affair with him. Even though he said he didn’t want a relationship I convinced myself he cared for me and would change his mind. It was on and off for the last year and I ended it finally new years. All I wish is that my LO would reach out to me and ask me back even though I know deep down I would lose everything my family my husband just to be with him. My craving for his attention and validation has left me with no self esteem and I’m scared I will never get out of it. It has become the only thing that I think of day and night. I unfollowed him but can’t seem to block him because it physically hurts knowing I can never see him again. He never even seem affected by it and here I am crying all the time… it makes me feel so crazy
Cat, you will get through this. You will find what works for you. Hang in there.
I just had a thought. If he was your trainer and you don’t see him now, I wonder if your exercise habits have changed. A change in diet, exercise or sleep will effect mood.
Thanks Jane and Hope for your comments.
It’s great to hear that the site has helped you through life’s complications!
Yes, if you found this site, it probably means you really need it. The advice, if you follow it, will guide you threw the very rough waters of limerence. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it will be easy. If you have got it bad, it will take all your tools to extricate yourself – and probably a considerable amount of time. That is not what I wanted to hear at the outset. I think it can be shortened if you are lucky enough to find some other affection, or real purposeful living, you may soften the impact. But one thing is for sure, it will be a bumpy road with plenty of setbacks. You are going to have to be kind to yourself – and also kind to others – that will help. The limerent space is hostile and uninhabitable.I wish you luck on your journey back into a state of well-being or letgo. That is where you can really live.
Hello, friend. Just found your site and shocked me that just today I felt this strong sensation seeing my crush laughing drinking with “her new friends”
She was “a friend” who never committed to anything but a a drink with me. I thought i had a chance. But then she ignored my song links, etc.
So I said goodbye in an understanding way. She said
“Your message is well written. ” Find your dream.”
Three days ago we see each other and just a look from her. Its what i wanted. No contact.
Now has shown up 3 times
Where i hang out. But she said she never hung out in bars. It killed me to see her.
She seemed to be extra cheerful. We didnt talk. We ignored each other
By the way. We are both separated from our exes
years ago.
I struggle on a few points these days. I am slowly putting some distance between myself and LO; just baby steps. Less messaging, no meeting, etc. It feels right. BUT…our circles are pretty close, and neighborhoods, and contacts of all sorts. I am curious to hear from anyone who recovered from limerence while not having the luxury of being able to completely disconnect from LO. I am so envious of those people whose LO just got up and moved away haha…I suppose then we would still pine after them and imagine what a wonderful life they are having.
Hi Steve, there are some blogs on this site that give advice on how to slowly disentangle. I didn’t have much luck with that and eventually had to go completely NC. That included mutual acquaintances because messages were being passed. Full disclosure to SO ended up being the driving force. He recognized the mess I was in and insisted on NC. I agreed … it was my bottom. The LE, at least to this intensity, was a very rare occasion, but now I do see a (what I thought was beneign) pattern that needs addressed. Hard work ahead, but I’m hoping the payoff will be sanity and serenity — at the very least — awareness to danger and how to back away safely like you are doing. I wish you luck, and keep reading all you can about what constitutes healthiness to recognize situations that warrant a hasty retreat sooner! 😊
I live very close to my LO, and in these two years of NC I still see him close to every week- sometimes more. It isn’t ideal, but I am still recovering. It can be done. I really believe that recovery is a matter of absolute willingness rather than circumstance.
And Holly- yes to all of the above. This limerent bottom for me absolutely exposed some things that have been there for me for a long time, and it’s giving me that chance to deal with them finally. I look forward to the best years ahead!
Song of the Day (redux): “Guadalcanal March” – “Victory At Sea” (1959)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chxtUvDh8Jw
🙂
Oh my gosh!!! HOPE, not Holly. Sorry!!!!!
I just found this site yesterday. Wish I’d know about limerence three-and-a-bit years ago, but better late than never and I guess I’ve learned a lot from fumbling my way through it. Maybe.
Anyway, I’ve just started reading through your excellent writings but wanted to reach out and say thank you for what you’re sharing, here. It’s validating and empowering to know I’m really not alone in this experience. Just like quitting alcohol and nicotine years ago, because they were making me ill, I now resolve to abstain from addictive connections with others, for the same reason.
Do you recommend reading through in chronological order or just dive in and click on the headings that look interesting?
Ugh, sorry, I posted before I’d read this entire article through (I’d read several others previously). Thanks again 🙂
I’ve been reading this site for a few months, and it’s been really helpful.
I am married. I am deep in limerence with another woman. Me and my LO became very close during lockdown last year. We share similar interests and hobbies. We developed a mutual attraction. I began to depend on her, to obsess about her, and to crave her. My LO felt the same way. I realized I had slipped into an emotional affair. We discussed this openly, and agreed not to take it any further.
I told my wife about it. We talked through it, talked about what it meant and how to overcome it as a couple. I never pursued anything physical with my LO, and my wife trusts me not to. We’re open about the crush I developed.
But I am still obsessed with my LO. It’s been a year. We’re still very close, we still get coffee together, we still exercise together, we still watch movies together. I still fantasize about her. My wife is very aware of all of this and trusts me to not take it any further. I always talk to my wife and make sure she is comfortable with me seeing my LO before I schedule anything. We have a weekly check in (my wife and I) to see where she’s at emotionally and to see if any behaviors should be changed. I feel like I am managing this well. But I also feel like it is a ticking time bomb.
I am very confused. I feel my body, my mind, and my soul craving this other person. But I trust myself not to give in to any of that. I’m still feeding that part of myself, though. I’m spending a lot of time with my LO. We get closer and closer. It feels like it should be dangerous, or like I should cut off things, but everyone in my life is fully aware of everything that’s happening and trusts each other completely.
That’s quite astonishing your wife is that accepting of your close intimate contact with your LO. It’s wonderful you are able to be that communicative with her about it but how is she coping with it? Does she know you still spend that much time with your LO? I imagine it would be very difficult to get over LO if you are spending that much time with them, and continuing to get closer with them.
Cut contact, maybe change job. That wife you have with so much understanding and sacrifice is the one that deserve all the love and attention.
I loved a girl but she doesn’t like and I cannot concentrate on other work like studies so what should I do
You’ve disclosed I presume. You’ve got to sit back and look at what happened. Take a deep breath. Its over, the supply is gone. It gonna hurt now. Try and stay away from the girl as much as possible, which is no or limited contact. If you are suffering from intrusive thoughts, those will take time to subside, but they will go eventually.
You should probably tell your tutor that you can’t focus on your studies too, maybe they can arrange some extensions or extra help for you to help you catch up, whilst you deal with this.
um. hi. HAHA well im a sixteen year old and its been a whole year since ive had a crush on a guy– my best friend online. and its ridiculous. its absolutely ridiculous how i simply cannot fucking get him out of my mind, its so hard for me to focus everyday because i keep thinking about him romantically yet its just not meant to happen. i cant stop. it just doesnt stop, its all jsut pointless. i think edating is plain masochism + immatureness in teens because 90% of young couples online just break up eventually without fail and (to boot!) do it thru petty arguments and the ilk; it’s just not fated to be taken seriously and love is an important matter to me. its special. i want things to go somewhere but edating is just walking in circles whilst waiting to get tired of it. ive always thought this way yet never had felt such deep feelings for anyone else in my life before– its just so fucking ridiculous man. i feel like i love him but thats too deep and im too young so im bound to be wrong about that. i dont know what to do. i cant distance myself, i just cant and although he seems to like me too surprisingly i push him away because i dont want this exact mental state i find myself in to harm him or our bond in any way, but only repeat the cycle of rentlessly chasing for what he makes me feel. its so tiring. i fuckinh love him but he does this to me and for what? i wish i was normal. i wish i wasnt like this. its all just so messy and theres so many more layers to this but. sorry i guess this article just brought this all to surface i guess. ty for writing about this ♡ its smth that really happens nowadays and im glad im not alone here.
I started going to the gym regularly to lose weight and feel better about myself. Instead, I developed intense feelings for someone there. We started to make eye contact, go the same days, times and look for each other. We never spoke. This went on for a few months. One day he stopped going to the gym or same time. To say that I was devastated is an understatement. I have cried and cried and no matter what I do I can’t stop thinking about him. I keep replaying what I could’ve done differently. I am deeply depressed. My other problem is that I’m married and the guilt I feel plus the sadness of this loss is becoming unbearable to me. I want to feel normal again. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I feel like I’m never going to get closure. I have never felt like this for anyone before. I hope writing this will help me move on.
That feels bad, but in some ways it is a bit lucky, cause you were feeling guilt about this already cause you are married, and so by him happening to not come there anymore it should help reduce it.
For why he might not come there anymore, maybe he reached his weight target, or his work got too busy or like millions of people around the world, he simply stopped caring and gave up on the gym. Also you might be reading too much into going in at the same days and times, cause that what most people do when going to the gym.
To get closure only you can give it to yourself. Sometimes even when someone tells us why they did something, we don’t accept it and still don’t get closure. There are many things you never know the reason for, but we go on and because we close it in more mind.
Best of luck. I hope this helps.
So sorry Mel, that sounds very painful. You are in the right place to recover… read on and you will start to feel better.
I expect you realise by now that your feelings were not for that actual person (as you did not know them) but for an imaginary version of them created in your mind. Letting go of the fantasy is so hard as we come to rely on it to feel good.
I hope you manage to find other ways to feel good and love purposefully.
Wishing you well.
correction… live purposefully
You know what loving purposefully is a good idea too. Loving purposefully, choosing who we love, who we choose to invest our time in properly, not just chasing after the limerence high, but purposefully choosing someone who actually meets our needs and sticking with them and choosing to love them.
And what do you do when you dream about this person too. So you fall asleep thinking about them you dream about them then you wake up still thinking about them. So you text them and tell them about dreaming about them you know they like knowing your dreaming about them and can’t get them out of your head. I’m going absolutely crazy thinking about them. Absolutely crazy.
I had an LO I dreamt about every night for YEARS after the relationship was over. Then less often … over 20 years! So, once I knew the relationship was over, no communication about the dreaming. It has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you. Funnily enough, recently they got in touch over social media, and then I realized I was totally over them – and finally the dreams stopped for good.
Have you read https://livingwithlimerence.com/limerence-dreams/ ?
I’m also married but have a crush on my neighbors friend who recently moved in with my neighbor. We’d see each other every day in passing. At first I wasn’t even attracted to him,but suddenly I started to form this crush. It got so bad one day I was fantasizing about him and [Modesty edit — Dr L]. I know its wrong id never act on it but its very tempting. If see im looking at me and I honestly think we both were attracted to each other. Then one day I didn’t see him not sure if he left town or just moved. I wanted to ask my neighbor where he went but he knows I’m married so he’d look at me like I was wrong which I am but I’m just curious to know what happened to him. I think about him everyday and I always hope I’ll see him in passing but haven’t in a few weeks now probably for the best.
After reading this, I think I am suffering from limerence. I developed a crush with my massage therapist from the spa hotel I go to.
I have known her for 3 years now, and this summer we started talking about more personal stuff, it is usually hard for me to open up, she also said she usually doesn’t talk so openly… we also did some training lessons together, and in the last session I realised I was falling for her.
On the last day of my stay at the spa, after 10 days of seeing her almost every day, we exchanged instagram accounts (she gave it to me on her initiative, I had written mine down on a thank you card) and she said we may see each other at the fair in my city (she lives abt 2 hrs from here) we were both going the next day.
I was glad she wanted to say hi, I was still not sure where this was going or what was it I was feeling, I have been in a relationship for 20 years and I was very confused. But totally hooked.
To my surprise, the next day she totally avoided me at the fair. She clearly saw me but didn’t want to say hi, and turned whenever she saw me, she was there with her friends and it felt so weird, as of they all had been talking (badly) about me.
Afterwards she or I wrote a couple of times on Insta, viewed each other’s stories, but somewhen we stopped communicating and she eventually stopped viewing my stories.
I met her a month later at another place and she avoided me again.
I tried avoiding viewing her stories for a while, but when I think I am getting over her and the fact she totally avoids me or for some reason hates me, she has looked at one story and every time I go back to square one.
I think of her all the time, about what it could have been, about what happened between the day we exchanged IG and the next day when she totally avoided me. Why she got angry (?), what I could have done, or what I can do to solve it, I have been absent at home and not focused, it is driving me crazy. I don’t even know if she is into women…
It all may sound childish or not the biggest issue, I just don’t know how to get over this. I never had this before. Whenever I think I can or am over it, I go back to having a bit of hope that maybe she may like me…
any tips?
Thank you for sharing. My first observation is your connection to her on social media is a trigger for you and you should probably drop your connection with her on there. NC really is the best way to move past this and that means no SM connections.
My other observation is that it could be she had feelings, but maybe she has an SO (you didn’t say) and she must know of your SO and just did not want to get involved with something that compromised her values so she avoided you. It may very be well not be personal to you at all.
There is no way of knowing these things for certain, save an indepth disclosure conversation, but that is not happening so it seems time to work on yourself and go full NC with her. Lots of great resources and encouragement on here to do that.
hi, thank you for your answer.
I have now muted her so she will not appear on my feeds. I can hide my stories from her, so I do not check if she viewed them or go back to square one if she does view them.
I am doubting if I should unfollow/block, as I think it may be rude. We may go to the spa hotel again and even if I do not book her, I may meet her, which may feel ackward? I usually prefer to be kind to people… blocking may be too much..? 🙁
About she liking me: I don’t know really. I of course hoped she did… She is for sure single, because she told me about that. My partner and I keep our relationship “secret” in new places or if we do not know if they are inclusive. But she did ask me on the last day or day before last how we had met, I explained how but no further details about our status, and she mentioned she thought we were work colleagues. I didn’t say anything more in detail… but now that you say it, maybe she did realise there was more.
Still don’t get why she gave me her IG though.. guess I never will.
I keep thinking maybe if we could talk, we could solve things, and be friends.. but I guess it is my mind playing tricks just to keep the fantasy alive.
I realised by reading some info here that it is all mostly a fantasy and the person I have a crush on probably doesn’t even exist…
I will try to avoid SM as much as possible. And try to focus on my life, my partner and try to find out why this happened…
Thank you!!
For me this strikes a chord yet it’s s weird one.
I’m over her from the POV of yes nothing will happen, can happen. Quite clear.
What I’m struggling to overcome is something else- a lack of clarity reasoning wise. Bit mealy mouthed in places.
I periodically lambast her on varied platforms but without giving too much away. More a reasoning thing however.
Hi, my name is Merdi. I was in love with a girl and still in love with her. I just can’t get her out of my head, I couldn’t find any explanations to that but thanks today I finally have an answer. It still hard for me because I’m still thinking about her but at least I know what steps to take if I wanna get her out of my head. For the first time in a while I feel normal, now I know I’m not the only one who experienced this, there is a lot of people out there who experienced it way before I did and there is still people out there experiencing it for the first time. I’m now working on getting through this and I’ll be very glad If I get some support. People I can talk to, people who experienced it and can understand me. Anyway, it was good to finally release what was inside me, I feel a little bit better now.
Long story short….my SO is in a limmerent state. The feeling are not reciprocated but she is our neighbor. He began communicating with her via social media and he read into her responses (his words). I don’t know how to help him as he tells me he no longer has feelings for her but every time I see her it brings up a ton of emotions inside me..what is he thinking about when he sees her? Ect… how do I help him and how do I get over feelings like a consultation prize?
Are you saying that your SO (she) has feelings for you two’s neighbor but he does not have feelings for her? And he initiated the contact with your SO via the internet? Just so I understand correctly.
As far as the feelings you have due to your SO being limerent for someone else; well that would difficult for me to advice as I am in the exact opposite position. My continued limerence for a former co-worker I feel has brought out similar feeling in my wife, I’d imagine. The best thing I can say to that is trying to understand how much of this is involuntary on the part of your SO. And that if your SO is actively making efforts to minimize or completely break communication with her LO I would say that is a good sign that she still has the same feelings for you that she did before the limerence. And that she looking to repair the subconscious damage that she has done to the two of you.
Welcome to our community, SJ! Wow, your story sounds painful. We get many people on this website who experience limerence, it is nice to have the SO’s perspective.
Let me see if I understand your story…
Your husband talked to your neighbor on social media and developed limerence for her, but he says the limerence has settled down. I’m curious about the time frame. 1. How long were they talking (days, weeks, months, years)? 2. When did he learn that she doesn’t have romantic interest in him?
I will try to answer your questions, too. I want you to know that these answers come from a limerent & LO. I have never been the SO in this type of situation.
How can I help my husband?
Be delightful, kind and patient. Your husband experienced a chemical reaction that is comparable to using drugs. I’m serious, limerence feels like a drug. If you are mean to your husband, his stress will increase and he may seek comfort from fantasies about his LO. Your best approach is to be alluring. This is the approach my husband took and it has been quite helpful for our marriage.
Side note, many limerents don’t have sexual fantasies about their LO. The fantasies are daily activities that they imagine sharing with their LO.
I recommend that you watch some Marriage Helper videos on YouTube. They will teach these principles better than I can. I hope you learn how to “work on your PIES.” Because that will help you.
Side note, there is nothing wrong with you, SJ. You did not cause your husband’s limerence. You don’t need to change anything about yourself. But, if you make yourself more alluring, you will have a much better chance of helping your husband get through this. He is biased towards you. You have a huge advantage.
I recommend that you avoid something called the Chump Lady. That group appears to teach hatred. I can’t imagine who would benefit from being hateful.
“… how do I get over feelings like a consultation prize?”
Oh gosh, I don’t know. I’m so sorry you are feeling like that. It would hurt. I don’t have an answer for this, yet, but I will be pondering it.
Good luck! Your situation is one of the healthier ones that I’ve read about on this site. I have a lot of hope for you.
I am glad I have found this. I have a younger man that I am deeply attracted to to the point I ended my marriage. He flirts up a storm with me on regular basis which I have come to realise he is just leading me on. He has rejected me twice now but yet somehow I still hold deep feelings for him. To make it worse I work with him and I am in a position of power. He is a complete player with all women so I am not sure why I even like him. I’m not sure how I will move on but I know I need to somehow. Hurting very badly at the moment
Welcome Sandy, I am glad you found this site. There is extensive information here about what is happening with you, and how to manage it and move on from it. Your story is not different from a lot of us, we have become addicted to someone, like a drug, and it is causing turmoil in our lives. Please soak up all you can from Dr Ls blogs, I have found them to be enlightening, encouraging, and healing.
There is also a lot of experience, current and past, in the people who post comments here. If you need encouragement or have questions or want advice feel free to write something on one of the blog posts.
Oh…and concerning this younger man. Read the blog post on narcissistic LOs. He sounds like he fits the mold.
Gotta agree with Speedwagon. Though narcissists is the nice term that I would personally call this “man”.
I decided to search up why I can’t get over my crush and found out all about límerence it’s really frustrating. I feel stuck bc its my partners brother so I really need to get over it, it feels so wrong and I feel so guilty. We have a family and he has a family. I always ask myself why him lol. I really hope I can get over this!
Hi Ali,
Well, I can only speak for myself but in answer to your question of why you can’t get over him, for me it’s usually because I’m lacking something in my life, which could or couldn’t be to do with my SO, and also because I have this unrelenting need to feel desired by men. So I think you maybe need to look at what this other man is fulfilling in you, or what you think he could fulfill in you. It could be he pays you the kind of attention (not necessarily sexual) that your partner doesn’t, or are you feeling stuck in a rut and need some escapism? Then try and find a healthier way to bring whatever it is into your life.
I am only the voice of reason here because I struggle to put my own insights into practice! There are a lot of supportive people on this group so you’ve made a good step posting here.
I hope you find what you need!
I’ve been in a friend group for 3 years now, and there’s one guy in there that I really, really liked. Every year I asked him out, he rejected me. But I couldn’t get over it and it hurts so much. I have romantic dreams about him at night and I would always look for some sign of if he reciprocated my feelings back. Just last Friday, my BFF got a crush on him and kissed him and he said “thank you” and now I’m heartbroken again. This is so stupid and I just want all of this to end. It’s like a curse honestly. And I can’t just ignore him because he is my friend too. We’re a friend group. Please help me…