A recent flurry of comments raised the issue of whether limerence is a good or bad thing, and why I generally blog from the perspective of "limerence recovery", rather than being more positive and …
Search Results for: narcissist
Case study: a pushy LO
It's been a while since we got specific about a personal limerence dilemma, so this week I thought it would be good to tackle another case study. Elle got in touch with me (via a temporary gmail …
People pleasing limerents
A common barrier to going no contact is anxiety about how other people will feel about your change in behaviour. Especially for people pleasers. Is it rude to cut contact with someone you used to …
LOs who won’t let go
In the last post we analysed closure, and why it's an illusion. Seeking closure is one of the commonest excuses that limerents give for why they need to stay friends with their LOs. Their …
Closure is an illusion
Uncertainty is central to limerence. It fuels the rumination that drives it (do they like me too? What did that comment mean? How would they respond to my disclosure?), and creates the intermittent …
Spotting trouble: LOs to avoid
A guiding principle of this site is that limerence is a psychological trait that a certain fraction of humankind has, and not a pathology or defect to be exterminated. The best approach to limerence, …
Case study: limerent while single
Recently, a reader, Kay, got in touch to ask about the differences in dealing with limerence for single versus married limerents. I do tend to write from the perspective of the marrieds - partly …
Case study: invited to LO’s wedding
Reader Jane faces a dilemma. Her LO has invited her to his wedding. He's also being weird about it. Before Bride arrived on the scene, Jane disclosed her feelings to LO, hoping that their …
Continue Reading about Case study: invited to LO’s wedding →
How long does limerence last?
A question I very commonly receive by email (from both limerents, and the affected spouses of limerents) is: "how long is this going to last?" I wish I could give an answer. The reality, of course, …
Withdrawal pains
Once a limerent has resolved to take control and cut contact with LO, an almost inevitable consequence is the arrival of withdrawal pains. I talk a lot about limerence being understandable as …
Rewriting history
Commenter Maddie asks about the disorienting strangeness when limerents - especially ones who have embarked on affairs - rewrite the history of their marriage. Suddenly, a life together that had …
When LOs return
My LO is coming back. For professional reasons, we are going to be working on a project together for a few weeks. I thought about declining the job. I also thought about the implications of making …