In a previous post, I wrote about freedom from limerence and all the benefits that blessed liberty offers.
Sharnhorst added a comment suggesting a good topic: what are the “markers of freedom” that made us realise we were done with the limerence episode; that we’d got over the limerent object?
Freedom from limerence is when you can have 3 martinis at dinner and feel less inclined toward your LOs than you did when you were sober.
By chance, another comment from Benjamin around the same time gave a good marker too. His limerent object update her profile picture, and this is what Benjamin felt:
I admit that my heart skipped a beat when I first saw the new pic, and I watched it for several minutes. And I know is petty, but I’m realizing now that she isn’t as pretty as I remembered her
I’ve had a similar experience. Having a new photo of LO pop up on a social media feed and thinking “why did I find her so dazzling?”
So, for us old hands who have obviously and completely tamed the beast and can now sit around the fire telling stories of our escapades and adventures, let’s tally a list of markers of freedom.
Freedom from limerence is:
Having your phone buzz and not immediately thinking “it could be Them!”
Having a new experience and not immediately thinking “what would LO think about this?”
Listening to new music and not slipping into limerent reverie
Realising their ghost isn’t following you around any more
Being able to concentrate on a task without intrusive thoughts derailing you
You don’t realize you’ve blown past LO’s birthday until you see the date in a newspaper article you read
Instead of thinking you owe your LO an apology for something, you think they should apologize to you instead (but accepting you’ll never get one)
Realizing that aside from you, your LO had pretty lousy taste, usually in relationship partners.
Truly appreciating the wisdom in “Be Careful What You Ask For.”
You can see a redhead and not think of past LOs.
When you encounter a potential LO and think your past LEs weren’t really all that much fun.
Driving by your LO’s house without even thinking of them.
Finding you’re even boring yourself having the same thoughts about your LO over and over again.
Having no wish to check your LO’s profile pic on social media.
Being able to truthfully examine your LO’s appearance and being honest about their flaws.
Getting lost in an interesting project for several hours and realizing you hadn’t even thought once about your LO.
Being able to return to other priorities in your life that have nothing to do with your LO.
Honestly wanting your LO to enjoy their lives and find love, happiness and success, even if it’s without you.
Being able to find new motivation for self-improvement from within yourself without trying or wanting to impress your LO.
Picking up a new hobby or interest and honestly not caring if it would be something your LO would be interested in or impressed with.
Being alright with the fact that you might never see your LO again.
Checking a former LO’s social media feed without it triggering any of the old limerent feelings.
Doing activities that you associated with an LO and not being reminded of them.
Healthy introspection, including forgiving oneself for the time spent being limerent for any LOs, recognizing the good and bad from said episode and growing from it.Thanks to Sharnhorst, Vicarious Limerent and LG for their suggestions (briefly edited for repetition and occasional idiosyncrasy)
Over to you, dear LwL community!
Add your markers of freedom to the comments…